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Archive for the ‘Proud momma moments!’ Category

Allow me to share with you….the past 24 hours in my life.

I’ll start with yesterday….

To almost everybody….it was a 3 day weekend and Labor day was just a fun time and a great day to be off work.

To me….it was going to be the first high school football game for my sweet boy!! To say I was excited….would be the understatement of the world!!! I didn’t realize just how excited I was, really, until after the game was over though…..

After he went early….sis and I did a “craft” project together. She had bought a HS team shirt to wear to her brother’s game and we “blinged” it out! It was fun sitting at the table with her coming up with the design.

Then, we got to the game! He had his own little fan section of family and friends there to watch! The game was awesome! It was a close, well played game. Our boys played hard! MY BOY played hard! He honestly played harder than I’ve ever seen him play! He was punched….and the way he reacted…made me proud! He told the kid….to play it out on the field…he wasn’t going to fight him…but he would kick his ass on the field! Reminded me of his brother….the way he walked away…..wouldn’t fight…but did the right thing. To say I was proud….man…doesn’t even begin to tell you how I felt. I got to see him make tackles like I’ve never seen before…..and just watching him….realizing this is HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL!!! I just can’t put into words…or properly describe all of the emotions going on in my head and my heart!

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Just a few from last night! Can I just tell you as he sat at dinner next to me…after the game….and talked and talked about the game…what the coaches told him….tears were welling up in my eyes. Sitting there…just listening to him go on and on….I was loving every minute of it. I love being his mom. I can’t tell you how much joy it brings me…knowing God trusted me again with another son….with Bryce….with my rainbow. He is such a light in my world…and to the world around him. I see great things within him….and the coolest thing right now…is I believe he is starting to see the potential in himself. I am just blessed to be along for the ride!

Then, after my boys fell asleep…..my sweet girl…my night owl…..just wasn’t tired at all. On the way home from dinner we saw some pretty cool lightning that I could tell was pretty far away……and she commented how pretty it was. So, both of us in our jammies…went into the back yard…and got on the swing and just sat there talking and enjoying the light show God was providing. What was really cool…is that if we looked straight up….we saw the prettiest of bright, shiny stars…but then if we looked north…the lightning was just as bright and beautiful. We sat……we swang……we talked…..we laughed. It was a beautiful night and it was a beautiful time with my girl. Just sitting out there enjoying the quiet…the beauty….and each other. I am amazed that after four boys….God gave me A GIRL! I joke about it a lot….but really….I’m totally in love with that little cutie. She is growing in to such a lovely young lady…and I am so proud of her. She has a heart that is totally sold out to Jesus. She struggles with normal stuff….but it is so easy to bring her back down because she really is grounded in wanting to be HIS girl. I tell her she has so much that I didn’t have at her age. I probably had more maturity and responsibility…but she has such an innocence and a thirst for God and His plan for her life….it really just leaves me speechless some times. So…after a great day….I got to end it with my girl. My daughter. My love. What a great day.

Then, I went to bed knowing they would be out of school and I’d be off work another day. But it wasn’t just any day…..

You see, I woke this morning…after such a great day with my two wonderful kids…..to …… another birthday. Today is Cory’s 28th birthday. I woke…thinking of the day he was born. I tried…..oh I tried so hard….to try to figure out where he might be today…what kind of life he would be living…and let me tell you something…..MY BOY would be LIVING LIFE to its FULLEST! That is just who he was! He enjoyed everything he did! He had such gusto! Such a love for life!

Cory was my dreamer…my actor…my singer! He was my clown…my sing when you are down…..He was my constantly smiling….always loving….sweet baby boy. For the life of me…I can’t imagine him as a man. He never got to hit the time like Bryce is now…where his voice changed and his body changed…. I know…with his features…his eyes….his sharp jaw line…that he would have made a very handsome man! But…I can’t quite see it in my mind…I can’t imagine it….not at all….

I spent his birthday making great memories with B & B! We had a great day together!

I know Cory would love his brother and sister….and I know he would have been in the stands last night cheering his brother on! I also know he would have loved sitting on the swing with us last night looking at the stars too! But…you know what…as sad as my momma’s heart has been today….and as many tears that I’ve shed today…and so many other days…..

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my Cory….and Cody and Caleb too….WERE in those stands with me….and WERE sitting on the swing with us….and they ARE with me….every day! They will forever hold pieces of my momma heart that nobody else can have. They will continue to live in the way I live…in the lives of my children now…because they are a part of me….a part of US! And most importantly…..the ministry of their lives will forever be continued…..as long as I live….and as long as their story is shared.

All of my children…all five of them….are leaving a legacy that I am so proud of. They are leading and loving others…they are being disciples….now and always. To say I have a blessed life…is an understatement. I’m blessed…because I “get” to be the mom of five absolutely amazing kiddos. They all hold my heart….and forever will. I will spend the rest of my days…trying to live MY life..in a way that would make each of them proud to say…..yup….that’s MY mom!

Happy Birthday, sweet Cory. Thanks for all the smiles….the lessons…the laughs and songs! I miss you…more than I ever thought possible… But I’m so thankful for the promise of eternity with you! To hold you again…..makes me long for that time to come soon. But…until then..I’ll go on enjoying your brother and sister…and trying to live up to the mom I think you’d want me to be!

Forever in my heart…~momma

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Today is the first day of school for my kiddos!! My heart is bursting because I am so proud of who each of my kids has become….and grown over the summer!

But….I have to be honest…..my heart is also just raw and I can’t stop crying. It hurts still…….even though my older boys would be in their upper 20s by now…..it’s just so unfinished….so unfair…..it just still hurts.

Today is Breanna’s first day of sixth grade!! Here she is….all beautiful, sassy….and ready to tackle whatever God sends her this year.

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Yesterday we were blessed with some girl time…just the two of us….shopping, pedicures….and some very sweet conversations. Conversations of what we think God is asking and expecting from each of us in this coming year. My heart is bursting with love and admiration for this sweet young lady. She is kind, loving, fun-loving and so wonderful to be around!! I have such admiration for her because she is so much more than I was at her age….. her relationship with Christ truly guides her heart. She is open to what He is telling her and who she is becoming in and through Him.

Today is Bryce’s first day of high school! HIGH SCHOOL!!!??? When did this happen???? I think it would be so much harder on this mom if he weren’t so stinking excited for new opportunities this year! Here he is from this morning…

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I’ve totally enjoyed watching the evolution of my son over the past few months. He has grown…physically, emotionally and spiritually! To say, I’m proud of him, just doesn’t quite give you the whole picture! Physically, he has grown several inches….still growing…and he has lost A LOT of weight! I’m so proud of the hard work he put in to accomplish his goals! Emotionally, I can tell such a difference in him. The sweet heart he has always had, seems to be even more evident in our conversations…as is the maturity he is gaining. Spiritually, he attended three church camps over the summer….and I’ve seen his desire to be an ambassador for Christ in his school and in the locker room increase tremendously! I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of this young man. I am thoroughly enjoying this stage of his life and relishing in the talks we have!

I really thought I was doing good this year. I really thought I’d made it through and wasn’t going to go through some of my usual difficulties at the first of the school year. We got up this morning, made some cinnamon rolls and I took him to drop him off. I was really good through it all. But when he opened the door and got out of the car it hit me…..like a ton of bricks. My eyes started leaking immediately. I didn’t snap a picture of him walking into the school…because a picture just wouldn’t show what my view was. I didn’t just see him walking into that school building today……I saw four boys………I can’t begin to explain it. I saw Bryce……but I could see his brothers too…and I lost it. I totally lost it.

Then I had to drive home and finish getting sis ready. She was dressed and beautiful already when I walked in the door. Before I walked in, I dried my tears so she wouldn’t know…..and greeted her with a smile. I was happy to hear she still wanted my help with her hair. When we got to the school she went straight over to her friends….I was taking pics! 🙂 She did walk with us to her class…..but was horrified when I asked for a pic of her and her teacher….she obliged…but then was ready for us to be gone! It was pretty cute really. I could feel her tugging a bit….yearning for us to let out the parental rope just a little more. My baby is growing up…..and becoming more independent. I walked out the school…….knowing it was the last “first day” of elementary school for me……..

I had appointments and lunch with a friend…but now that I’m home with my thoughts……I have to be honest…..My heart is happy….and hurting….all at the same time.

Today my last child….my baby, started sixth grade and is eleven years old…..and her oldest brother….I can still remember that first day…….when he was starting sixth grade and was eleven………….. That was it. It was his last “first day” ever. Believe me…..I don’t compare my kids now to their brothers…..but my heart aches for the realization of what they missed out on……..for those sweet boys not to get to experience some of the things their brother and sister are getting to experience. It just hurts my heart….even though Cody would be almost 30 years old now……..this beginning of school thing…the ache…the sting….just hasn’t gone away. He is forever in sixth grade and eleven years old to me. And soon….his baby sister will be past that! It’s a very difficult thing,that I believe, only those who have experienced the loss of a child will understand!

And today….my son walked into high school. I have four years to prepare to release him into the world as an adult. I absolutely love him…..love this season…but it too reminds me of the other boys that should have been “Jaguars”! At one appointment I had this morning right after I took the kids to school, one of the ladies there greeted me and asked how my day was……I told her I had taken one of my babies to high school and it was hard!! She said, try having a child that is getting ready to turn 29!! I told her…I know…kinda…my oldest WOULD BE 29!!
But I haven’t gotten to experience his life as those birthdays flew by…………I know she didn’t mean anything by it at all…but it’s my reality. And some days, like today, it’s just a difficult reality that is just really hard to put into words. It’s very hard to paint the picture of just how happy my heart is today….how proud I am of Bryce and Breanna…..but at the same time…..how terribly sad I am and how much my heart aches for Cody, Cory and Caleb.

Thanks for letting me try……

I’ve said it before…and I will say it again…hug your babies. Love on them and enjoy who they are TODAY! Don’t wish they were still young…..don’t wish they’d hurry up and grow up. We aren’t promised tomorrows…….so take a deep breath….and enjoy today. That’s what I’m going to do….

~cheli

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So, last night my sweet daughter was having trouble going to sleep and kept getting up from her bed. About ten o’clock she came into the kitchen. I was sitting looking through Pinterest recipes trying to come up with menu ideas when I looked up to her sweet smiling face.

She looked at me with a serious look that let me know that she had been thinking really hard. She said, “Mom, I really need to ask you something that has been on my mind now so that I won’t forget later.”

How could I say no to that???

Her question…..

“If God knows all the future and all that will happen…..then why did He create Adam and Eve? I mean, He knew that He would have to send them away from the Garden, and he created them anyway…..why would He do that?”

Seriously???!! When I was her age I was definitely not thinking about why the Creator of the Universe would continue with His plan of creating us even though He knew we would make bad choices and break His heart!! I am completely in awe of the way her heart and mind work together…..!

My answer……..was simply this.

He created us for the same reason that Daddy and I chose to have you and your brother. Even though we knew you would not always obey us or even like us….even though there will be days when you think you hate us……we wanted to have you in our lives and love you with an unconditional love. We knew it wouldn’t be easy…but it is definitely worth it!!

She thought for a split second…and then smiled. She got it. She truly did.

She went to bed and was able to go to sleep after that. But it left me wide awake with some thoughts.

We love our kids unconditionally….with a love that is fierce and unwavering. We would walk through fire and literally do anything for our kids.

That is the way we were designed. In the image of God. He loves us no matter what. EVEN when He knew we would mess up…He CHOSE to create us. Even when He knows what a mess we could/would make of our lives at times….He chooses to be there for us….even if it is at a distance while we sort through our feelings ….He is always there. Just as we are as a parent.

It’s the perfect love…..I fail my kids, daily. But He doesn’t fail me….EVER. He is love. He is patient. He is kind. He does not keep a record of our wrongdoings. His love never fails. He never fails any of us.

It got me to thinking more…….. I know that is how we feel about our kids…..they are a part of us.

But truly….isn’t that how he wants us to feel about everyone? How about your spouse? Are you willing to be there for them through the ups and downs? Is your love the unconditional love that God has asked of you to have? What about others? Others in your family……others in your community….. Aren’t we called to love everyone the same?

Well….those are just some of the thoughts my daughter has brought to my mind. She got her answer. But mine questions are still stirring.

I’m thankful for Him working in me. I’m so thankful He uses a child to show me what His love in my life looks like and what He expects my life and love through me to look like. Every night we pray for Him to show us how to be His hands and feet…for Him to give us His eyes and heart and ears. We pray that we are the light in this dark world and others would see Jesus in us.

I definitely see it in my kids…..so much more than I see it in myself sometimes. I love how he speaks to me.

I pray He has spoken to you through my daughter’s question…..

Many blessings and love!!! ~c

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At church we have been talking about how to love God like a child loves God.  Through a child’s eyes, there is such an innocence and an awe of God.  It seems as we get older, we become more cynical and less believing and trusting.  This series is making me want to think more like a child.

Then, while cleaning, I came across this.  It is  I’m sure right where God wanted it to be…so that I would see it and remember the thoughts I had when I found it almost 18 months ago.  I had actually started a blog to share with you about it….but never published it.  So….since God seems to be nudging me…..I’m going to share the sweet innocence of my daughter with you…..

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This is what I found in my car. I saw it and it was sealed. I left it there for a few days and then when no one had talked about it, I asked Breanna what it was. She says, “mail”. Kinda like…..”duh mom!” So I asked her if she needed me to mail it for her to which she promptly replied…”YES!”

I knew before I opened it that it was precious and I couldn’t wait to read it. I knew when she told me to mail it that I would open it and then date it and put it in her “box of stuff” so if you are reading this Breanna……..mommy is sorry!

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This is what I found. When I read it ……I cried. How simple. How true. What insight. She was only 8 when she wrote these words……and she GETS IT! She knows who meets her needs and that the “beast thang” that has ever happened in her life is GOD! (yes….we are from the south and I guess we talk like it since she sounded that out and spelled ‘best thing’ as “beast thang”!) I remember at 8 all I could think about was me…having fun…. nothing like she thinks. She is so insightful. She asks questions like… I know Jesus is building us a home in heaven… Will our houses be next to each other or will we just have a family house? Can we visit each other’s houses? I love the questions….the thought process.

I love to hear her prayers too….. Dear God….thank you for this day. Please dear God…just be with my friends and help them get along…..and put your healing hand on “such and such” because they haven’t been feeling too well lately. Thank you God for just loving me. And God….if you can today would you just be with my whole family and help us have a wonderful day and come together again tonight safely? Thanks God.”

It makes me wonder…… do we think like that? Do we think of Him as having his hand on everything in our life? Our health…our choices…..our finances…..our relationships? Do we honestly turn it all over to Him? I know I don’t. I know I like to think I do but honestly…..I don’t. I am a control freak! And I don’t know why but there is just something in me that thinks that if I don’t have my hands in the big, stinking middle of every situation…..it won’t turn out just quite right! Can I get an amen???? You know…..the times we’ve “given it to God” only to turn around a take it right back! Just because it seemed like He might be taking too long or that His answer wasn’t THE answer we were looking for!!!

Well….she gives it to Him. And she truly expects Him to handle it…even the little stuff. I remember once when I was out-of-state doing some work stuff. I called to tell the kids and Bryan goodnight and got to pray with my sweet girl on the phone. Her prayer was sweet and I am used to a lot of it by now….but at the end she said……, “And God, please be with my mom right now. Help her to not miss us so she can concentrate on her work and then come back to us and have some fun!”. Seriously….did she know I was in the middle of something….??? I was. And I needed EXACTLY what she was asking for. But…..SHE was the one asking for it…not me.

I know this is another proud mommy blog for some….but to me…in a way…it is a wake up call. I know that I am getting better at having more conversations with God throughout the day. But I don’t take to Him all my needs…my frustrations….or all of what is in my heart. Good or bad He knows it all…but the question here is……do I trust Him with all of it???

I think my little girl does. And for that…right now….she is my hero. ~c

 

 

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Not sure how to start this since it has been so long since I’ve written…but wanted to start with this past week. 

About a week and a half ago my husband got a call that his grandfather had been taken to the hospital by ambulance.  He was having trouble breathing and they thought it might be his heart.  My sweet hubby spent most of that first evening at the hospital.  The kiddos were pretty bummed the next day when they found out dad would be going back that evening and that they weren’t going to be able to go visit too.  The second night my husband went again and the kids and I did our own thing.  They were okay with it…but Breanna decided she needed to talk to her class at school about Grampa.  You see…they have this “Kids that care club” and have been making cards for soldiers and teenagers in the area who are sick.  (She has an AWESOME teacher with a great big heart!).  Breanna decided that since her grampa was sick and in the hospital that they should make him some cards too.  She says, “Mom, we ARE the kids that care and that is just what we do!”.  I loved it.

So the next couple days her class worked on these cards.  She brought them home on Thursday afternoon.  I had a speaking engagement that night and the kids stayed with some family so that Bryan could go to the hospital.  After my speaking engagement I went out for a bite to eat with my mother in law ( it was her birthday) and told her about the cards.  She told me that might just be one of the nicest things anyone had done for Grampa!!  When I got home late that night Bryan told me how the cards made his grampa smile!  He truly loved each one of them.

Friday night was spent with family at an awards ceremony for my nephew and then out to eat!  We all went home after a long day!  Well….my sweet husband got up early Saturday morning.  He left to go get his oil changed and then was going to go by the hospital to see his grandfather since he hadn’t been the night before.  But before he was gone long, I got a message from his father to have him call.  Bryan called in tears to tell me his grampa had passed earlier in the morning and he was coming home.  When I asked if he wanted me to tell Breanna before he got home (Bryce was at his cousin’s) he said whatever I thought and wanted to do ( which was code for “please do cuz I don’t think I can handle it”).  So I took her on my lap and we started to talk.

I told her that Grampa had passed away a few hours before.  She asked what happened…….did his heart stop or did he just run out of breaths?  🙂 I told her I wasn’t sure.  I told her that he had really loved the cards she and her “club” had made for him though.  I told her she got to live the rest of her life knowing that in the last days of his life, she had made his heart smile.  She just smiled……and then she got this worried look on her face.  She said, “But mom, most of the cards said I hope you get better soon.”  I sat there and in my mind was trying to form the words to explain to her that he did get better and was completely healed….only it was on the “other side”.  Before I could finish my thought though…..she smiled….and she said….”He is better!  He is ALL better because he is in heaven with Jesus!”.  To which…….tears poured down my face and I just looked at her and said….”You’re awesome!” …..  Again she smiled and told me thank you.

I love it that she “GETS IT!”!!!  She knows where grampa is and that God decided to heal him on the other side of this life.  Later in the morning I told her I was sorry.  When she asked me what for…I just said I am sorry to have to tell you about Grampa.  To which my wonderful, eight year old daughter replied…….”It’s okay mommy.  It’s just part of life!”

SHE IS SOOOOOO MY DAUGHTER!!  I love that! 

Anyway……this week my children had to experience their first funeral.  I am so thankful that we know that Grampa had surrendered his life to Christ and we could celebrate not only his life but rejoice in the knowledge that we will see him again.  I explained a lot.  What they do with the casket…what they were going to see…..why we had to sit and listen to songs….  but the one thing they already knew…..  was that because of the saving grace of our Lord Jesus…..we have hope.  Hope that we will see our loved ones again….. Hope that we can be completely healed one day from anything that ails us……. Hope that we can share with others this same hope and love while we walk on this earth….

You never know…just whose heart you might make smile.  And you never know…if it just might be their last…………….~c

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