Where to begin….
I had what most would consider the average life growing up. I did well in school. I was a dancer and on the pom squad in high school. Active and social..to say the least!
When I was in fifth grade my mother had breast cancer. This was the first time. The second would not be until 17 years later. But it was an impressionable time in my life….
At 16, I was pregnant. I was one of those girls with a steady boyfriend, in college…… So, we got married in December of my Junior year in high school and on the last day of my junior year….my first son was born! Cody Brian came into my life and made my heart melt!
Yes, I did graduate. But at graduation I was pregnant with my second son. Cory Matthew came into the world just 3 months after graduation and I didn’t think my heart could expand any more than it already had!
It was shortly after I had Cory that I met what turned out to be one of my best friends. She was an anchor for me and the one that introduced me to my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. This was the best decision I EVER made…to follow Him.
Then…at the ripe old age of 20, I had my third son, Caleb Harrison. Wow! I can’t describe how full my life was.
I adored being a mom. My boys were close in age and very active. Piano, scouts, basketball, soccer, baseball, church choir, church bells……and just overall BOYS! I loved every minute of it.
But as they got older, my relationship with their father continued to deteriorate. I filed for divorce and we went through a very painful, difficult period in our lives.
Then, 3 weeks after my divorce was final…. I received a call. I was out of town visiting my sister at her college apartment and the boys were with their dad. It was 5:15 am. The phone rang at my sister’s and when she answered she came and told me the call was for me. I said “Hello”….and on the other end it was my ex-husband. He started talking and I just got quiet….I let him just talk and he was saying all kinds of things. I honestly don’t know what all he said. But I do remember him telling me that someone was dead and I started asking him WHO? and trying to get him to make sense. Finally, he told me, “I just called to tell you I love you and that we are all dead.”. I heard a noise…… and then nothing. I couldn’t get the dial tone to come back. By this time my voice was so elevated my sister was in the room with me.
Finally, I was able to get a dial tone and I phoned my father. I told him about the call and that I just wasn’t sure what was going on….and asked him to dial 911 and ask the police to go over to the house to just check it out. In my mind I really didn’t know what it was……. but I remember telling him to promise me he wouldn’t go over there. He did. So I hung up…..
And waited…..
And waited….
I couldn’t handle waiting any more so I started trying to call my ex back. The answering machine picked up. So I started calling friends and asking for prayer or seeing if they would call and he might answer for them.
So I waited some more….
And then
The phone rang and my sister answered it. I remember sitting on her bed and searching her face as she spoke to our dad. She just sat there and nodded her head….”uh huh…..ok……ok……yes……here she is.” And she handed me the phone. When I got on..Daddy said to me, “Honey…the police just came over and they went to the house. Honey…………….they boys are gone.”
I said, “Oh good! Do they think they know where he took them?”. “No,” he said. “Honey he shot and killed the boys. And then that sound you heard….that was him shooting himself. But……… he is still alive…….”
I don’t remember any more conversation….or if I just dropped the phone. All I remember is going into a rage and yelling and screaming. I was hitting and throwing things. I do remember my sister’s boyfriend coming to me and holding my arms and telling me that if I needed to hit something to hit him. So I did. I pounded on his chest until I fell to the ground.
This is not the end….there is much more. Hopefully throughout this blog I can share so much more with you. Just know that it has been almost 14 years now since that day….and a lot of life has happened since then. I will tell more of the miracles I have seen. More of the grace I have been given. More of the peace I have felt…all since this day.
No, this is not the end of my story….in some ways, it is just the beginning of a new story.
My Life as a COMMA! 
This also just happened similar here in Gainesville Florida..I so wish you could reach out to the boys Mother Minde Rinehardt. I can fathom what you both have gone thru..I hope I never feel that pain..My Prayers go out to all of you that have continued to live thru this unfathomable event..Hugs
If she would ever want to talk I’d be happy to….
Cheli,
I was in the same Sunday school class as Cody. I have thought about you many times over the years. I have gone through the grief of child loss myself now although under completely different circumstances. I just wanted to tell you that you and your boys have made an impact in my life. Thank you for writing your grief.
I think of your family often. I have the thank you notice you posted in the newspaper clipped and framed in my home office. I was one of the detectives back in 1997 and this case has always weighed heavily on me. I am glad you are doing well.
I pray for you and your family. Your story broke my heart. I couldn’t even imagine the pain you’ve felt. There’s always a clearing after the storm. Athough the sun will never shine quite the same. We as God’s children have to look for a brighter day! Many hugs and good vibes!
Thank you Cheli for your E mail. This is the best way to hear the song I wrote for you. “Cheli’s Three Little Angels”. Google Sound cloud Then search. Carvin Brothers Then scroll till you see your picture. And play. God bless Brian Kulman.
Dear Cheli This is the most important letter I have ever had to write. So many years ago one the first airing of your tragic story I along with millions of others was touched by your three little angels. After I washed the tears for my eyes I sat down at my piano and started playing this beautiful angel sounding music , which was a shock to me as I wasn’t a piano player but needless to say I wrote this song for you with the help of Cody,Cory and Caleb. They have been in my life ever since. So my goal was to get this song to you but had no way of finding you until now. I have recently got into computers and last week I found you on Oprah . Com. Thanks to the beautiful staff at OWN. They texted me back in only two days. So the song is entitled “CHELI’s THREE LITTLE ANGELS”. I would love to send it to you I don’t know how would be the best way. Please contact me. On e mail Thanks for being so strong and God bless you Cheli
Dear Cheli………. I just came across your story on Youtube, sitting in my bed at 02:25 AM, crying….. What beautiful, beautiful boys they are……
Thank you for sharing this with us. I really wish you strength, peace, love, joy…
Love from The Netherlands
Your post crocodile tears brought me to tears. Your strength and courage are inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless.
Cheli,
I tear-up immediately, each time I see a picture of your boys on your Facebook feed. I cry, verbally cry, when I read your words, explaining what you feel, how you cope, and why you continue to to push through the darkness. And, as I am crying, and aching for boys I never knew, I remember the beautiful girl, dancing in the spotlight on stage, the one I wished I’d be like when I was 16. Cheli, you are still this beautiful girl in the spotlight – only it’s God operating that light. His glow surrounds you so, that I can feel the warmth of His love – and I only view you via electronics. Oh Cheli, dear sweet, child of God, I adore you. I admire you and I can say honestly, that I hope you can feel the love you create in sharing your words, your life, your angels with us. I do so wish for words, for comfort, for something to give you just a second where you don’t feel the pains of missing your babies. I thank you for sharing. I thank you eternally for sharing not only your life, but God’s light with us. For wherever you shall go, His light must surely be.
It is crazy how much time has gone by, yet I don’t recall ever hearing the story of how you found out. I remember how I found out like it was yesterday. My dad had picked me up from my friend Suzanne’s house after we got home from the circus. He turned to me and said, “Jess, you know your buddy Cory? He died last night.” I remember just sitting there shocked and asking about his brothers. When he told me that they, too, had passed, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. As a 9-year-old, the idea that a parent could do that to their children was out of the question.
I remember Cory as a sweet boy who was so excited about being the lead in our school play about baseball! It was so weird to perform that play with two boys taking his place (one for the day and one for the night performance). To this day, I wonder what kind of guy he would be. Would we have been good friends? Enemies? Would we have dated? How would my high school experience been different had he been around? Would he have been a star athlete? A math nerd? A theater guy?
There is no real point to this post, Cheli, just that I remember him and Cody and Caleb and think of them fondly. I admire your strength and resilience and the wonderful example you have set.
Cheli,
Are you speaking anywhere anytime soon? I remember seeing you in 2010 at Life Church. I have a friend who’s fiance just committed suicide. I would love to bring her to hear your message.
Thanks,
LC
As of right now I don’t have anything scheduled. I am taking some time and writing and trying to see what my next steps in ministry look like. I am so sorry about your friend. If there is anything I can do, feel free to let me know!
Oh man. Cheli….You know I was recently divorced from an abusive husband. I have 3 children, a girl and two very little boys. The youngest isn’t quite yet two but almost. I remember so many nights filled with fear that my ex might kill me. He has, in the last two years, received extensive counseling and completely remodeled his life. He has truly made a complete turn around in father hood as well as a friend and more importantly a father but I will never go back to him.
Reading your stories fills me with such a poignant depth of despair, and then turns and fills me with hope. Your stories often take me right back to those nights I was full of fear, scared he might do something. But that never happened to me and it did to you. When I read your blogs, I can literally feel the Spirit moving over my flesh and convicting me when I read the scripture. Sometimes I almost lose my breath from the tears. You remind me of why I am here. What my purpose is, or at least parts of it. To spread hope in a barren world. To spread joy to those who no longer believe in it. To concentrate more on the relationship and love of God, and not the politics of religion.
I was very, very angry for a long, long time. I felt God pull away from me at one point for exactly three days and I wanted death. I was pregnant with my youngest son and it was right before I left my ex. I was very, very bitter, resentful and blamed God for even creating me. I did not want my youngest son for even a moment. The guilt of those feelings I have let go of because for quite some time I felt so guilty for feeling that way and then loving him more than life when he joined me and his brother and sister.
Please just imagine me giving you a big hug. Please take it to heart when I say, ever so sincerely, from the depths of my heart…..thank you for being willing to share. Thank you for sharing the joy and the pain. You, my friend, are a blessing I have needed for quite some time.
Your friend in Christ,
Melissa Mayfield
Cheli what is the bible verse that you kept referring to last night at the Sisters conference? It was so moving and inspiring to me to see the work that Christ has done through you to motivate and inspire others. I woke up this morning with the most refreshed and revived feeling I’ve felt in years. I want to find that verse so I can write it on the mirror to look at everytime I look in the mirror…
Marcia,
The main scripture is Phillipians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things”!
The other one is Habakkuk 1:5 – “For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told”! LOVE IT!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so glad God was able to speak to you that night!
Be blessed!
~cheli
Cheli,
I really enjoyed your message tonight at Life Church. You are a very great speaker and it brings me JOY to know that God helped you get through everything you have had to endure in your life and turn it into such a positive. Your message really inspired me and gives me hope for the future! Thank you so much for sharing and being such a strong woman.
-LC
Cheli–I am thankful for the peace the Lord has given me in many a difficult trial. I have never experienced a trial so deep and anguishing as the one you have walked through…but I am thankful that His promise to be the peace we need in all circumstances is true. Thanks for sharing your heart.
http://delanasworld.wordpress.com/2011/02/20/peaceful-valley/
Delana
Cheli- Your life and testimony are truly a blessing. Of course giving God the glory for every miraculous thing that has come from your horrific story, your decision to allow God to use you is amazing. I pray every day of your life is so filled with love and peace and happiness. You deserve it, my friend!
I am a fellow believer and read your blog on FB. As a mother my heart was broken! I know when our children are born we are supposed to hand them over to God, but I still struggle! I know God’s will will endure in the end, but I keep letting the devil play mind games with me. My son is only a a year and half old, and I am so inlove! I find myself being so scared that something is going to happen to him, it keeps me awake at night. So from someone that has gone through something so horrific and found peace, how do I get passed this?
Sweet Sarah….. It is one of the most difficult things to realize that we are not in control. But at the same time…it can bring you a different kind of peace to realize that the God of the universe has you and your child in His hands. In thinking so much on the negative…you could be robbing yourself and your child of blessings that are out there to be had! Things will happen…maybe broken arms in football games….or hurt feelings by other kids…. but each time we are hurt we can choose to let it bring us down or choose to help it make us stronger! For every “something bad” there are tens or hundreds of THOUSANDS of “SOMETHING GOOD”!! Don’t be so caught up in waiting and watching and worrying for the something bad that you miss all the something goods! God has it! He will hold you! And it is so true…. If He brings you to it…..He will bring you through it! I will pray for you! Feel blessed and be blessed! ~c
Cheli,
I first of all had no idea of your teenage pregnancy, much less of these events. I remember you from dance with Jim Paul. We were close in age if not the same age but you were a far more advanced dancer than I was. I always admired you, thinking you were so beautiful, such a good dancer & just classy. I too had a child in high school, between my sophomore & junior years. I really thought all of these years ,until reading , that I was the only “nice” girl that it happened to. It has been a journey only Jesus could lead us through. I am married to the father, we have 5 more children & our daughter is a 26 yr. old college grad who is happily married. I look forward to reading your blog & I truly know the peace Jesus has blessed you with even in the most horrific of situations. May God continue to bless you with his grace & mercy.