Posts Tagged ‘love’

Not gonna lie – today has been hard….for many reasons.

First – today is my mom’s birthday. This alone is hard….

But today – I sat with my friend as her momma heart broke. I watched as she did one of the hardest things ever – as a mom. Her child is an adult – but still her momma heart broke. As I held her and let her cry – and breakdown…she told me her momma heart was broken. But then….then she said something profound……

What she said is, “It doesn’t hurt for me, it hurts for him.” And….as I’ve pondered this thought all day, it has made me reflect on my own thoughts of my kids, and of my momma and all she endured through us…and also of so many of my momma friends…as I’ve watched the seasons of motherhood change and be difficult for each of them.

I have momma friends who have watched a child through a serious illness….and recover. And I’ve watched as some of them had to say goodbye to their child. Some, have had difficulties with children’s behaviors. Others, have guided children through tough times and seen them get better….while some haven’t gotten better. Some are parenting a child/children through special needs….and more than just a parent to them, but an advocate for them! So many times though….there is one thing that remains…..

A mother’s love…never changes….never waivers…never goes away.

I thought of the times my own mother held me. I thought of the day my boys died – she was in the hospital….and checked herself out…after hearing the news…so she could be at home when I got there. She left her own pain in the background to tend to mine. She held pillows against her as I laid my head in her lap and she stroked my hair and held me through my tears. Her pain – wasn’t as painful – as the pain….her heart was feeling for me. I didn’t think of it in this way at the time….all I knew was I needed my momma.

That is what we, as moms, do. We feel for our kids. We see the possibilities in them…..at every age. We want more for them….than we ever had. We dream big dreams for them…and teach them how to dream for themselves. We are their biggest cheerleaders and their most loyal fans. Yet, we are also the ones they are the meanest to, when their world is falling apart. When they have unknown and crazy emotions, we are the ones they take it out on. We are their safe place as young children…..and as they grow into young adults. But being their safe place looks so very different at those ages.

As young kiddos hurt themselves or are hurt by others, our children run to us. They run into the safest place they know – momma’s arms. We kiss their boo-boos and place bandaids on every scrape. We take care of them, in every way possible. There are things we do they never realize – they just know they trust that mom will make everything okay!

Until they think that we are the ones that make everything NOT okay. When they are trying to become more independent – they seem to think we are the ones who make their life more difficult. We are still their safe place, but now….that means we are the ones they release their emotions onto. It took me a long time to realize this is truly because we are their safe place and NOT because they hate us! It is truly because they know there is NOTHING that can make us stop loving them. It is because they are so confused with life and their own feelings that we are where the release happens – and they don’t even always know why.

Then there is when they become adults and don’t quite “need” us as much any more. This phase can be difficult still….yet also beautiful. At this stage I can actually have my child as a friend. A close person to share life with – in a different way than before.

But with this phase also comes more difficult roads. From my years on this earth, I’ve gained wisdom my children do not yet have. I see things around the corner for them if behavior continues. I see things and I cannot always tell them….because I have to let them live their life – so they are able to gain the same kind of wisdom my life has afforded me.

But sometimes – many times – it hurts. It hurts a momma’s heart to watch our babies hurt. To watch them be scared and no longer be able to hold their hand and make everything okay.

A momma’s heart is probably the strongest thing on earth. We are confidantes….counselors….nurses….teachers….warriors. We will fight for our babies, no matter what. Our hearts have to be strong. We hurt, when our babies hurt. We hurt, when we can’t make it better, or fix the situation. We have to be strong, because that is what a momma does.

Today, I celebrate my momma. Happy Birthday momma. I’ve missed you all these years. I’ve missed our daily talks, our crazy relationship nobody else could/would understand. I thank you, for all the times, I now realize, your heart hurt for me. It wasn’t hurting for you, it was for me.

I see this….I feel this.

I know every mom feels this.

We want the world for our kiddos. We would lay down our own lives for them.

And when our momma hearts hurt….it isn’t for us….it’s for them.

Today, on my momma’s birthday, I was reminded of a mother’s love. It is fierce. It is strong. It is unwavering. There is nothing on this earth quite like it. It is how I imagine God loves…..

Today – I’m thankful for a mother’s love. I’m thankful for my mother. I see who she was and what she did for me…now more than ever. I’m thankful for my children and for being a mother. It is like no other “job” in the world. One I wouldn’t give up…ever. I’m thankful for all those I get to be “Momma Cheli” to. I love each and every single one who calls me this as my own…and my heart and love is as a true momma. I’m thankful for so many momma friends. The things I’ve learned from so many of you, as you have let me come alongside you as you raise your children….as I watch your family unfold through social media….and as you share with me the real struggles and triumphs….are unending and so appreciated.

Thank you, for loving me through this journey. Let’s remember we all love…and are trying. None of us are perfect…the only perfection in us is in the love of our hearts for our children. There truly is nothing quite like…a mother’s love.


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At church we have been talking about how to love God like a child loves God.  Through a child’s eyes, there is such an innocence and an awe of God.  It seems as we get older, we become more cynical and less believing and trusting.  This series is making me want to think more like a child.

Then, while cleaning, I came across this.  It is  I’m sure right where God wanted it to be…so that I would see it and remember the thoughts I had when I found it almost 18 months ago.  I had actually started a blog to share with you about it….but never published it.  So….since God seems to be nudging me…..I’m going to share the sweet innocence of my daughter with you…..


This is what I found in my car. I saw it and it was sealed. I left it there for a few days and then when no one had talked about it, I asked Breanna what it was. She says, “mail”. Kinda like…..”duh mom!” So I asked her if she needed me to mail it for her to which she promptly replied…”YES!”

I knew before I opened it that it was precious and I couldn’t wait to read it. I knew when she told me to mail it that I would open it and then date it and put it in her “box of stuff” so if you are reading this Breanna……..mommy is sorry!


This is what I found. When I read it ……I cried. How simple. How true. What insight. She was only 8 when she wrote these words……and she GETS IT! She knows who meets her needs and that the “beast thang” that has ever happened in her life is GOD! (yes….we are from the south and I guess we talk like it since she sounded that out and spelled ‘best thing’ as “beast thang”!) I remember at 8 all I could think about was me…having fun…. nothing like she thinks. She is so insightful. She asks questions like… I know Jesus is building us a home in heaven… Will our houses be next to each other or will we just have a family house? Can we visit each other’s houses? I love the questions….the thought process.

I love to hear her prayers too….. Dear God….thank you for this day. Please dear God…just be with my friends and help them get along…..and put your healing hand on “such and such” because they haven’t been feeling too well lately. Thank you God for just loving me. And God….if you can today would you just be with my whole family and help us have a wonderful day and come together again tonight safely? Thanks God.”

It makes me wonder…… do we think like that? Do we think of Him as having his hand on everything in our life? Our health…our choices…..our finances…..our relationships? Do we honestly turn it all over to Him? I know I don’t. I know I like to think I do but honestly…..I don’t. I am a control freak! And I don’t know why but there is just something in me that thinks that if I don’t have my hands in the big, stinking middle of every situation…..it won’t turn out just quite right! Can I get an amen???? You know…..the times we’ve “given it to God” only to turn around a take it right back! Just because it seemed like He might be taking too long or that His answer wasn’t THE answer we were looking for!!!

Well….she gives it to Him. And she truly expects Him to handle it…even the little stuff. I remember once when I was out-of-state doing some work stuff. I called to tell the kids and Bryan goodnight and got to pray with my sweet girl on the phone. Her prayer was sweet and I am used to a lot of it by now….but at the end she said……, “And God, please be with my mom right now. Help her to not miss us so she can concentrate on her work and then come back to us and have some fun!”. Seriously….did she know I was in the middle of something….??? I was. And I needed EXACTLY what she was asking for. But…..SHE was the one asking for it…not me.

I know this is another proud mommy blog for some….but to me…in a way…it is a wake up call. I know that I am getting better at having more conversations with God throughout the day. But I don’t take to Him all my needs…my frustrations….or all of what is in my heart. Good or bad He knows it all…but the question here is……do I trust Him with all of it???

I think my little girl does. And for that…right now….she is my hero. ~c



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Last night we had a fabulous family Valentine’s Day.  We spent the evening just enjoying each other.  We made an easy, family friendly dinner and as we sat around the dinner table we were talking and sharing about our day.   I asked my son to share one reason why he loved his sister…then I asked her the same about her brother.  Then they started asking us about what we lo about each of them.  We spent a long time sharing reasons why we loved each other and just affirming each other.  I have to tell you…it did this momma’s heart good to hear my children share such fond, and touching reasons why they love each other!  Especially since that is NOT how they act all the time (or even most of the time!).

But when we had gone a couple of times each and my son asked his dad to share another reason why he loved my daughter….SHE replied, “Because we have the exact same nose!”.  We all BUSTED out laughing.  I had a mouth full of food and almost choked and then laughed so hard I was almost in tears!  This is so funny to me because I remember when I was pregnant with her…..my husband and I were having a conversation about what she might look like and he specifically said, “I think she will be beautiful!  I just pray she doesn’t come out with my nose!!”.  We all just had a good old fashioned belly laugh!  It was so good to be sitting around the dinner table sharing such joy and laughter with my family….DEFINITELY very high up there on the best Valentines memory list!

It was also last night that out of nowhere, my son’s heart showed itself in a huge way.  I have to say that it totally caught me off guard.  We were all bantering and talking and I was standing at the stove preparing dinner.  We were all in the kitchen and he ….. out of nowhere…… said, “So mom….is February 22nd the worst day of the year for you?”.  By the time he finished his question…he was standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me.  I looked over at my husband, with tears in my eyes, and just softly answered, “yes.”.  He just continued to hold me and he said, “I thought so. I’m sorry.”.  He gave me another squeeze and went on about his evening.  I, however, took a little longer to put myself back into the “happy” compartment.  It is times like this that remind me that I don’t have to go through this alone…I have a others to go through this with. Bryce loves me and his brothers….and is getting old enough to share my sorrow with me…..and that is huge!

So….I am thankful today for a blessed and wonderful Valentine’s Day.  I am thankful that I got to see more glimpses into my children’s hearts.  I am thankful that deep down, they really understand what love and family mean.  I am thankful that their daddy, loves them…and me…with all his heart.  I am just blessed.

Today I thank God that as I prepare and go through this next week…leading up to “the worst day of the year” for me….as my son so eloquently put it….I thank Him for the constant reminders…… that I am so blessed to still be here.  I am still needed on this earth. I am still in search for the purpose He would have me fulfill…….and that love runs deep in my home.  I am thankful that as we shared what we loved about each other …… each person’s heart and how tender and sweet …. was one of the first things shared.  I thank God for growing each of us…in His time.

I seek your prayers….for as strong as He is, I am weak.  This is a difficult time.  Joy is still present.  But so are memories that hurt very deeply.  For the next few weeks I can share with you so much about where we were and conversations we were having 15 years ago…..  This can sometimes comfort me…but also torment me. 

I know my God still, and always will, sit on the throne!  I know He will guide my path, as He always has, and strengthen me in this time.  I know all of this… but the pain is still very real and present.  Sometimes it seems it would be easier to just hole up….stop reaching out…and not go on.  That is why I need, I crave, nights like last night!  More blessings…more silver linings….to keep me moving forward ….. in order to fulfill my purpose and get me closer to my eternal Valentine’s celebration…where all our hearts and souls can reunite and rejoice together….forever!

Share love, joy and laughter with those around you.  You may never know how much they may need it!

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