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It’s okay to NOT be okay……..

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , on February 19, 2013| 9 Comments »

Okay….since my last post was about not comparing ourselves to others….especially their highlights to our low moments…..I’m going to continue to be very transparent.

Maybe the title gave it away…but I’m just not in my usual…”Happy! Happy!” smiling self! I’m ok….but underneath everything…I’m not. I’m emotional beyond words……

Last night, all my husband had to do was look at me and give me a big hug….and I broke out in tears. I told him, I soooooo wished I was “normal”. He reminded me there is no such thing as “normal”. But, all I know…..is my reality….. and it is NOT normal!!!

Then, this morning, a friend just sent me a sweet text…..letting me know she woke up with me on her mind….she knows it is a hard week for me…and that she’d be praying for me. Well, off go the water works again. It meant so much that in the midst of her busy life….she took the time to remember me and how this week is so hard.

It is hard. It isn’t any easier……and at this point….I don’t think it EVER will be!

Today is the day….usually my mind starts this process. You see, today would have been my parents’ wedding anniversary……and there is something about that date…. that starts my mind thinking, remembering…..every detail from February 19th through February 25th, 1997.

I don’t know how to explain it. I can focus on my “today” and the life I am living now….but there is this ever-present feeling, remembering, going on in my head….in my heart! I have this all the time, really…..but this week it seems to magnify itself. It makes me emotional….and I never know how I will react to it. Sometimes, I am perfectly fine….and can go on about my life and almost no one could tell this is “that week“. Other times….I’m pretty ok…just emotional…more so than normal. Then there are times, when I’d rather just hole up in my own cocoon and not go out. I don’t want to live in my current reality…because it still hurts so bad. I just want to be by myself…not have to talk to anyone…not have to do anything!

I can honestly say…..I thought it would be much better by now. I thought it would be different…not hurt as much. I thought, after a certain number of years, I would be able to talk about it, think about it and go through this week and it just me a part of me….a memory….a story I could talk about. But no…..it still hurts. It still stings in a way I can’t describe. It continues to knock the breath out of me in a way I just can’t describe. What I thought……is never going to happen. I now realize this will never go away. My grief is a life long process.

I saw this quote and realized it is so true…..

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And…..so for me….and all those I know who have felt the loss of a child….

Allow me to share some thoughts with everyone. Some of these thoughts I have shared before…some….maybe not… Please know I am sharing from my heart…..and I just need you to hear it with love.

First……I KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT….that my boys are with Jesus! I know their hearts were filled with His Holy Spirit and upon the very second their earthly lives were over…their heavenly eternity began! And Yes…..I rejoice in that knowledge! BUT…even in that knowledge….there are some times…it just. doesn’t. make it better! Because I AM THEIR MOM! I want them here with me! I want them to want me….to neeeeed me….the way that I need them to be here so I can hold them! It is unnatural for me to imagine continuing with my earthly life when my children’s lives are not walking here with me during mine! Knowing this in my head……does not make it hurt any less. It didn’t then….and now….just short of 16 years later, it still doesn’t help! I am thankful that one day I will see them again….and we can spend eternity together……but it doesn’t stop the hurt in a momma’s heart while I’m still here!

So, if you know a parent who has lost a child…at any age…..be mindful of this. Please…oh dear friends please….do NOT tell those parents they should be rejoicing in these things! Please understand that while we KNOW these things……we still don’t want them to be true! No matter what the reason……no matter how long our children were with us…..we WANT them to be here…with US….not in heaven. Not because that isn’t the eternity we would wish or want them to have…but because we don’t want that eternity to begin before our own!

Second….. It doesn’t matter how long it has been….. it will never stop hurting! Don’t tell someone that it will get better with time…. Don’t tell them that grief is a natural process and that they should be done grieving by a certain time…… because it DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!!! There are no….SHOULD BEs…..there are no….rules of grief….and there is no “time line”. Every one always said to me, “The first year is the hardest.”….. so I expected my second year to be so much better….easier. Guess what? It was WORSE! By the second year….I was starting to not be able to tell you who they would have been hanging out with…..what they would be liking….which sport would be their favorite! And now……here I sit….16 years on Friday since they have been gone…..and it is almost worse. I don’t know what they’d look like…..who they might have married…where they would have gone to school….if I’d have grandkids with one of them….two of them…maybe all three! I just don’t know! But it is my reality. I live on the edge of…this is my life…and this could have been my life! And there are constant reminders daily of each of these. I am so thankful for those I have in my life now. I truly love the older ones who call me mom and allow their babies to be my grandkids….. But I want that from my boys! I want to scream it sometimes…..I just want my babies back!!!!!!!!! I want to have fought with them through their teenage years like I am doing now with their brother! I want to sit on the front row of their wedding like I was so graciously allowed to do at one of their best friend’s weddings! I want to have my grand-babies call me and tell me about everything…like I get to do with my oh so precious adopted daughter! I want what I thought my life would be like to be my reality! But…..

It is what it is…..when it is…..and lasts….until we meet them on the other side!

Don’t freak out! I’m ok. Really…..I am. This is just a glimpse into the reality that is in my head and my heart. I LOVE my family I have now. I LOVE the life I am leading now. I LOVE the ministry God has given me through my story. BUT…..I’d be lying if I told you I am always happy…. My memories make me happy. My life now makes me happy. But there are just some times the hurt is overwhelming and the two worlds that are my life just don’t match up too well…..

Do I wish things were different…sure. But seeing God do such a work through all of this…..in me, as well as others…is humbling. Do I wish God could accomplish some of the things He has used my story to accomplish in a different way…YOU BETCHA! But I’m honored and so thankful He has chosen to use my story to bring others hope in His love.

If you can’t find me this next week….or I seem a little out of it….now you know why. I think I’ll go and just stay a while in the same place I was 16 years ago…..I’m gonna crawl into the lap of my Heavenly Father and just imagine His great big arms….holding me…..comforting me. Because even when no one else here “gets” me….He does. He understands me….and He accepts me. He allows me to me mad…to hurt…to cry…to yell. He is big enough. He will still love me. And for that….I am thankful.

Much love to each of you! And if you know of someone going through something…I pray my words will help you find grace for them…..even if they aren’t where you think they “should” be.

One of my now famous sayings is this….”It’s okay to be down….it just isn’t okay to stay there”. I’ve learned that I have to let myself feel these feelings….or they will come up later and really get to me! I’ve realized that no matter how bad some things may seem….if we continue to walk through them….they will only last for a season and that things WILL change!

He is faithful….my God can/will continue to perform miracles! I feel blessed that me being here….is one of them! ~c

“I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13

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Comparing…..just unfair!

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , on February 3, 2013| 4 Comments »

While perusing Facebook recently, I saw a post someone had made with a quote from one of my favorite pastors.

I’ll be honest….I saw it and thought…true…and then continued on with my scrolling.  But the next morning I had this same thought on my mind.  It is not only true…..but dangerous.  Especially with all the social media out there……

You see, as a blogger….as a speaker…..as a Facebook poster….I get to choose the parts of my life that I want you to see.  And most of the time…..we choose to only share the “good stuff”.  So much so… that the “real” in our lives is cloudy….almost like we are watching a soap opera unfold through social media…but this form just seems more acceptable.

I mean, we’ve been warned of the dangers of comparing our love lives with that of those on a soap opera….PUHLEASE….who lives like that anyway???  But have we been warned of social media content and what it is doing to us? I think it is a fair comparison!  We see the highlights of people’s lives…..the trips…the good times…..the perfect meals….the fun with friends…..the romantic getaways!!

My friend did a little beta test.  She “tweeted” once daily.  But one out of seven of her tweets were not all “peppy” or “upbeat”.  They weren’t doom and gloom either.  Just a general statement kinda like, “I’m just not feelin it today”.    Everyone FREAKED!  She said it was as if the world was ending because her post wasn’t all rosy!!  HMMMMMMM……interesting.

It made me think about what I allow others to see…through social media, blogging and the stories I share when I speak!  I get to choose what you see or know about me and my life….my feelings. It also made me think of statements my husband tells me others say to him about me…”How does she do it?” or “She is always smiling….does she ever have a bad day?”  HECK YES I have bad days……and sometimes they are just dark.

Take my birthday, for instance.

My birthday is just a few days before Christmas.  Now, don’t think I was all gloomy because I am another year older….NO….I am actually glad I made it through another year!  Age is really just a number of measure anyway!!  But this past birthday…… well…. it fell on the weekend before Christmas.  And my sweet daughter was singing in our church services… all 10 of them!  I had committed to be there for her for all of them and was excited to do so!  Well…. 3 were the evening of my birthday.  And….my sweet sister and her family were coming in on my birthday to spend that day and the holiday with us!  I love it when she comes to spend time with us!  Especially her whole family!!

BUT….

My birthday was also less than 10 days after the Sandy Hook massacre.  I was still in an emotional state because of that.  AND…..someone I’ve never met personally….but followed her family and their sweet daughter’s battle with a nasty disease….was preparing to say their final goodbyes to that sweet baby girl….and that was weighing heavy on my heart.

AND

I was preparing to spend Christmas eve with my sweet adopted grandbabies for the first time! These 3 angels now call me Mimi and their mom calls me momma….cuz her mom is no longer on this earth…. but she was my best friend……and I’m so thankful she allows me to be part of her life and her sweet kiddos.  And another sweet child, one of the boy’s best friends, who still calls me mom…is expecting twin babies in April with his wife…and again …..I’ll be Mimi to them.

So……

Needless to say….my emotions were everywhere!

On the morning of my birthday…..I woke up…..rolled over…….. buried my head in my husband’s chest……..and SOBBED!

I couldn’t stop.  I sobbed until I couldn’t breathe.

It NEVER goes away! It NEVER stops hurting! IT IS ALWAYS THERE!!!!! The pain of losing my boys….my mom…..is still a very present part of my life.

As happy as I was in that moment….at the very same moment I was so, overwhelmingly, sad! I just wanted to be a Mimi to my boy’s children! I wanted to share my sweet daughter’s performance with all FOUR of her brothers! I wanted to just hold them…….even one more time! I just hurt………

There are more of these moments than I care to share. But I share this to show you…..I am REAL.  I hurt. I cry. I downright sob.

But….. I have hope.  I guess that is what people see.  Because by that same evening ….. I WAS smiling! I was enjoying the time with my sister and loving listening to my sweet girl sing! I celebrated another year with my friends and family and was so thankful for all that I’ve had.

Yes….that includes the bad times.  I am at a placed where I am even thankful for those bad times……..Because that is part of what has shaped me into who I am today.

And today…..I am a strong woman of God who has hope through His son. I know through His promise that I am loved….I am enough….I am worth fighting for!

I may not always feel it….but I have come to realize emotions and feelings can lie.  The way I feel ….. isn’t always what is true! So…. at the end of the day……  stop comparing who you are with what you see on social media or hear about somebody else.  Stop comparing their highlights with your dark times.  Stop comparing at all!  Because…….. God made you an original….you are fearfully and wonderfully made……and no one else will ever “get you” the way that He does.  No one else will ever fight for you the way that He does!  You are HIS! You are exactly the way the creator of the universe designed you to be….faults and all! And in the end……….HE is the only one that really matters at all! And if HE says He loves you and will always be there for you……then what is stopping you?  If GOD is FOR us….then WHO can be against us????

So stop comparing! Start looking at you…….. through His eyes…….

I’m convinced if you do that…you will love what you see!

Do something beautiful this week!  YOU are a masterpiece!   ~c

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What if…..???

Posted in Some AWESOME God stuff!, tagged , , , on March 11, 2012| 1 Comment »

Do you do this?  Do you play the “What if?” game?  Do you beat yourself up over maybe a different outcome in any particular situation by asking yourself “What if?” questions?

Hmmmm.  I have done this too.  I am guilty of playing this game in my mind.  But I am curious how you end this game. I mean, do you agree that if you had just done something differently, or maybe made a different decision, would things really be that different or that much better?

I’m just curious….because tonight at church….the pastor was speaking on finding favor with God.

Why, you ask, might this lead me to wondering if anyone has played the “What if?” game…..?  Well, let me share a few tidbits and you will understand.

He spoke about how we can walk in God’s favor at all times.  He also explained that being in God’s favor doesn’t mean an easy, care free, wonderful life (sounds a little like my last post!), but instead….it is a life knowing that He has designed us with a purpose….and He is constantly with us!

I have a girlfriend….and no matter where she is in life…if you ask her how she is…her answer is ALWAYS, “Blessed and highly favored!”.  I have come to expect her to say this…always.  And I love it!  I want to think like that.  But I thought, before tonight, that it meant that everything in your life had to be going so well, or just right.  Tonight I learned that is not God’s favor being upon you…that is you looking for God to do you a favor!!  Can I get an…AMEN!!!

Thankfully, this is NOT what walking in the Favor Of God is all about! The pastor calls it….walking in the FOG!  I love it and can’t wait to go back next week to learn more about it!

Well, the part that made me think about the “What if?” game is this….. At the beginning when he talked about finding favor with God…he asked who wanted that….and EVERYONE raised their hands.  Of course!  This is what ALL of us want!  But as he finished up his lesson…..he shared a scripture….with an insight that many never think of when this scripture is read…….

The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”                        Luke 1:28

This is when the angel arrived to Mary to tell her she had been chosen to birth the Messiah!  Like me, you probably think that she had sooooo much faith….or that she was just soooooo good….and God must’ve really loved her the most to give her this great honor.  But at the end of the lesson…our pastor put this in a different light for me.

He said that we see this as a blessing….. she was “blessed and highly favored!  And the Lord was WITH her!  But we also know the rest of the story.  So……what if the angel had said instead, “Greetings, you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you!  He has chosen you to birth the messiah.  This will seem, to all outsiders to be conception out-of-wedlock, you must suffer for that…as well as have the child in a barn.  And although this child will be perfect….and live a sinless life….. you must watch him be mocked, and ridiculed…..then beaten and put to death on a criminal’s cross!

The pastor asked us again…….”Now…how many of you are still willing to raise your hands and say you want to be HIGHLY FAVORED??????  Seems a little different now.”

And it did.  For me, this is when I thought about the what if game. This is when I considered…….

What if God told us the ENTIRE plan before we embarked on a journey?  Would you still do it?  Would you be willing to take the bad along with the good of the situation?

What if being “highly favored” means walking through some very tough and dark times?  Would it be enough to know that “the Lord is with us” even then?

For me, it made me feel better.  I know…..kind of a weird reaction to the whole lesson.  But for me….after everything I have been through…..it totally confirmed that even though my life isn’t easy or even all great all the time…..I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED! 

And you know what else?  I always have been.

I am SO thankful that even though HE knows the outcome of every situation……He doesn’t let me know.  I hate to admit….but I don’t think I could accept knowing everything …. how hard some of it might be.  I would want to think I’d be strong enough…..brave enough to take on what He intends for my life…even if I knew it all…..but in reality…I just don’t think that is what would happen.

So now, my what if game goes like this….and believe me….I am asked some of these A LOT!

Q. – What if I hadn’t gotten pregnant at sixteen…married and then my first child at seventeen?  A. – Then I wouldn’t have had my precious Cody…or then my adorable Cory….and then maybe not have gone to church and met my best friend who then led me to a relationship with Christ.  And then….my sweet Caleb never would have been a part of my life too.

A. – cont’d……  and I wouldn’t have made the relationships…..friendships….had awesome experiences……in my life.

Q. – What if the boys hadn’t died?   A. – Well…..then I might not have married my sweet husband, had two more beautiful children…..made the friends I have now…. or have the ministry that God has given me in the aftermath of this tragedy.

How can you play what if?????  All that has happened…has made me who I am today!  All that I have gone through…..has led me to this moment of feeling blessed and highly favored!!!!   All of it….good and bad….were a part of His purpose for my life!!!

And ….. now I believe…..with all my heart…..  if it was good enough for Mary….it is definitely good enough for me!

Thank you Lord, for writing my part in Your story one word at a time.  For, if I knew at the top of the page, what would happen at the end of the page…….well…. let’s just say I’d never have considered myself strong enough to endure.  But, now I know, being highly favored simply means…….YOU have been with me….EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

The pastor described it like this……The Favor Of God is…  The guarantee of His presence and the provision of His power to accomplish His special purpose in and through my life!

WOW!  I love being blessed and highly favored!!!!

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Remembering…15 years ago…with hope…

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on February 22, 2012| 9 Comments »

My sweet babies!!

 I can’t even believe that it has been 15 years since my babies were here.  I can’t believe I have lived so much more life since they left this earth than they were able to spend here with me.  I can’t even put into words how much my heart hurts right now….and always.  I can’t describe the pain and hurt I feel…..the aching to be with them.  Just to hug them….one. more. time.

I remember that morning….

5:15

That is what the clock read when I picked up the phone.  I still have a difficult time looking at clocks when they read this time.  This is the time I knew something was wrong….but I just didn’t know yet exactly what that was.  I spent the next hour….making calls….praying…trying to figure out….because I knew that something just. wasn’t. right.

6:15

This is when my dad called us back.  I remember watching my sister’s face to see if I could see anything in her expression to let me know what was going on.  Then as she handed the phone to me….I remember Daddy saying, “Cheli, the police just came and the boys are gone.”  And then I remember, with the hope of a mommy who loves her babies so much….thinking….and saying, “Oh good……do they think….they know….where he took them?”.  It was then that dad had to tell me the whole truth.  It was then…..I raged….and then fell.  It is the next little while…I don’t remember feeling…or much of anything.  I don’t remember getting into my van…..or reaching for the clothes they had left…..All I remember is looking out the window…and thinking I didn’t know why we were even going back to Okc….I mean….I didn’t have anything left.  I was just…..numb.

I don’t know where we were in the trip home..but I remember something happening.  I remember God speaking to me and realizing that my babies were okay. They were in heaven…..WITH GOD.  I knew they didn’t hurt…they had no sadness….no sorrow.  Only joy.  As a mom….that is all you can hope for….. is KNOWING your babies are okay.  Knowing they are safe.  For me, knowing they were in the arms of our Heavenly Father….was what gave me hope.  I woke up.  I woke up to the fact that I was still here.  I still had things to do.  I had to show others the hope that I had.  The hope in Him that if we are still here….we have a purpose.  The hope of knowing when our loved ones are gone……if we are followers of Christ….we will all be reunited for eternity.  This is what woke me up and gave me a new purpose.

I mean….look at these faces….

They LOVED life! They gave it their everything….every day!

They had fun!  But even their short life wasn’t always easy.  There were some very dark and difficult times.  But if you remember…or knew my boys at all…you’ll remember that no matter where they were…or how bad things were in their lives….they were always smiling!!!  Their smiles…..showed HOPE.  Their hope….I know for a fact….was in HIM!  If those sweet boys….could smile through anything….then this momma….will always do the same!  You have no idea how much I want to make them proud.  Usually it is the other way around.  It is usually the child that wants to please the parent and make them proud.  But for me….I just want to show them….that in my time left here without them…I was able to smile.  Through the pain…and the tears…I continue to smile.  Not because it is easy….but because that is what they would have done.

Cody’s friends and teachers talked about his smile.  They talked about how it lighted up a room.  I miss that…. more than I can express.

Cory’s friends and teachers also talked about his smile.  How he loved to smile and perform.  I miss that…..so bad it hurts.

Caby’s friends loved his smile.  It was so fun and mischevious.

I miss that…..more every day.

But I have hope.  Allow me to share the scripture that was in the funeral brochure.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand,.  And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disapoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he ahs given us.”      Romans 5:1-5

This is it.  FAITH. HOPE. and LOVE.

As angry as I get….at what happened…at the fact I will never get to see my babies grow up…..never get to see who they would have become….never get to experience so many of the milestones with them….never get to be a Gramma….never get to do A LOT of things……  As angry as all that makes me….  I have hope. That is what woke me up 15 years ago today.  The hope that I am still here and have so much more.  The hope that my still being here on this earth….means that I have to fulfill my purpose…and show others that hope.  The hope that through my smile…..others see my boys.  The hope…that one day…we will ALL walk together again…into and for eternity!

That is where my hope lies.  15 years ago…for a brief time…I lost hope.  But then God reminded me….He is still on the throne….and He is holding my sweet boys…. and keeping them safe…until I can hold them again too.

For so many, not just myself, this day 15 years ago…changed a part of their life.  There were so many affected.  So many that hurt.  So many, that even today, remember.  Please do me the honor of leaving a memory here….. and please….sweet friends and family….know that there is always hope.  God not only holds my boys in His hands…but he is holding each one of us every moment of every day.  Some days…for me…it is a moment by moment thing..just getting by.  It is then I crawl into His lap to cry. He lets me be sad and understands my tears.  He holds me and comforts like no one else can.

So today….as I allow myself to be sad….and miss the sweet smiles of my angels…let me leave you with this.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13

Be thankful and kind to those around you.  You never know it….but your smile and kindness could be the hope they need to keep going….just one more day.

Forever remembering…..until the memories unfold into eternity with you!

I love you all … my sweet c3angels!    ~mommy

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It’s Heart Month….have you had your heart checked?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on February 11, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Well….it’s February!  HEART month! 

As my kids prepare this weekend to make their annual Valentine’s boxes for school this weekend….it has made me take a look at what has been going on in my heart and in others around me.

This past week has been a little difficult for me.  Last week there was a senseless tragedy that is similar to my own that made national news.  I have had several wonderful people reach out to me and ask if I am ok…..and offer (much needed) prayer for me during this time. 

Part of what is so difficult though…really hit home on Thursday night.  It has really made me reflect on the “condition” of our hearts.  Not if we have clogged arteries or an irregular heart beat……but the condition of how much and what we allow to Break Our Hearts!

When was the last time your heart broke?  When was the last time your heart was so broken you felt like you couldn’t breathe?  When, my friend, was the last time your heart was broken to the point you felt called to action?  When…..have you felt for someone else….and not been able to sleep because your heart broke for them?

I spoke at a small gathering this past Thursday evening.  I shared my story and the story of my family to a group of some very strong and courageous people!  One lady, at the end shared with me that she remembered my story. She said she cried for a week every time she thought about it.  That took me back a little.  I mean, I remember crying for weeks….DUH!…..but she was a total stranger.  Yet….her heart broke every time she thought of me or my boys or anyone in my family……broke to the point of tears.

Does this still happen?  Or have we closed off parts of our hearts so that we don’t feel that deeply any more?  I know that there are more and more tragedies just like mine that happen much more often and they barely get any mention any more because it seems so common place! 

Allow me to share a couple of stories with you that highlight some people that allow their hearts to still break….

The first is a friend of mine who just this past week sent me a text and asked me to pray for a very difficult situation.  She asked if I could help her grasp the idea that something she was trying for just wouldn’t happen and that if she could just grasp that reality it wouldn’t hurt as much because right then…..it hurt a LOT!  I told her I would pray …… but I also told her that getting our hopes up is not a bad thing!  We hope for the best and have trust…and that is what we are called to do!  Yes…it leaves our heart more vulnerable for hurt….but also makes us more compassionate and caring and moldable!  I asked her to not close her heart or stop expecting….because that allows HIS plan to unfold and we will be open to it!  Hurt is a part of life. 

The second is a friend who has opened her heart…and her home….to foster children.  She has a heart that is burdened by these sweet children “who haven’t done anything to deserve what is happening!”.  I so often hear others say, “Nope.  I couldn’t do that…because when they came to get that baby and give it back to its mom or dad…I’d be like….No way!  I’m too attached!”  or…..they say, “How can I do that to my kids….let them get attached to a child like a sibling only to have them ripped from their home and break their hearts?”.  I love the way her heart has broken for these children and the way she looks at it…  She says, “How can I NOT….take these babies in?  They didn’t do anything to deserve this.  And if I don’t take them…..who will?  A shelter is not what these babies deserve.  They deserve a home where they are loved like they are a part of a family.”.  And that is exactly what the little boy she has now is experiencing …..  a family that truly loves him.  She encourages the parents to work their plan to be able to have their child back as soon as possible…. and KNOWS that her heart will break when they do and this baby is placed back into it’s parent’s home.  She also knows her children will have a hard time…..but also knows that she wants to teach them that this is what we are here to do….to make a difference in the lives of others…..to let God break our hearts for something…and not just sit on the sidelines and gripe or hope that someone else will do something about it…..  To let our hearts BREAK………  for others……

Just like the sweet lady I met who cried for a week over my loss…..  a stranger.

So…..this heart month as you prepare to give a Valentine to someone you know and love…please also take a little time to check the condition of your heart.  I truly believe that the more our hearts break……the bigger they can get.  Let’s not get so desensitized to what is happening around us that we don’t think there is anything we can do about it.  God can do anything…..He just needs a willing heart to step forward to show His love…..

~cheli

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