My sweet babies!!
I can’t even believe that it has been 15 years since my babies were here. I can’t believe I have lived so much more life since they left this earth than they were able to spend here with me. I can’t even put into words how much my heart hurts right now….and always. I can’t describe the pain and hurt I feel…..the aching to be with them. Just to hug them….one. more. time.
I remember that morning….
5:15
That is what the clock read when I picked up the phone. I still have a difficult time looking at clocks when they read this time. This is the time I knew something was wrong….but I just didn’t know yet exactly what that was. I spent the next hour….making calls….praying…trying to figure out….because I knew that something just. wasn’t. right.
6:15
This is when my dad called us back. I remember watching my sister’s face to see if I could see anything in her expression to let me know what was going on. Then as she handed the phone to me….I remember Daddy saying, “Cheli, the police just came and the boys are gone.” And then I remember, with the hope of a mommy who loves her babies so much….thinking….and saying, “Oh good……do they think….they know….where he took them?”. It was then that dad had to tell me the whole truth. It was then…..I raged….and then fell. It is the next little while…I don’t remember feeling…or much of anything. I don’t remember getting into my van…..or reaching for the clothes they had left…..All I remember is looking out the window…and thinking I didn’t know why we were even going back to Okc….I mean….I didn’t have anything left. I was just…..numb.
I don’t know where we were in the trip home..but I remember something happening. I remember God speaking to me and realizing that my babies were okay. They were in heaven…..WITH GOD. I knew they didn’t hurt…they had no sadness….no sorrow. Only joy. As a mom….that is all you can hope for….. is KNOWING your babies are okay. Knowing they are safe. For me, knowing they were in the arms of our Heavenly Father….was what gave me hope. I woke up. I woke up to the fact that I was still here. I still had things to do. I had to show others the hope that I had. The hope in Him that if we are still here….we have a purpose. The hope of knowing when our loved ones are gone……if we are followers of Christ….we will all be reunited for eternity. This is what woke me up and gave me a new purpose.
I mean….look at these faces….
They LOVED life! They gave it their everything….every day!
They had fun! But even their short life wasn’t always easy. There were some very dark and difficult times. But if you remember…or knew my boys at all…you’ll remember that no matter where they were…or how bad things were in their lives….they were always smiling!!! Their smiles…..showed HOPE. Their hope….I know for a fact….was in HIM! If those sweet boys….could smile through anything….then this momma….will always do the same! You have no idea how much I want to make them proud. Usually it is the other way around. It is usually the child that wants to please the parent and make them proud. But for me….I just want to show them….that in my time left here without them…I was able to smile. Through the pain…and the tears…I continue to smile. Not because it is easy….but because that is what they would have done.
Cody’s friends and teachers talked about his smile. They talked about how it lighted up a room. I miss that…. more than I can express.
Cory’s friends and teachers also talked about his smile. How he loved to smile and perform. I miss that…..so bad it hurts.
Caby’s friends loved his smile. It was so fun and mischevious.
I miss that…..more every day.
But I have hope. Allow me to share the scripture that was in the funeral brochure.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand,. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disapoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he ahs given us.” Romans 5:1-5
This is it. FAITH. HOPE. and LOVE.
As angry as I get….at what happened…at the fact I will never get to see my babies grow up…..never get to see who they would have become….never get to experience so many of the milestones with them….never get to be a Gramma….never get to do A LOT of things…… As angry as all that makes me…. I have hope. That is what woke me up 15 years ago today. The hope that I am still here and have so much more. The hope that my still being here on this earth….means that I have to fulfill my purpose…and show others that hope. The hope that through my smile…..others see my boys. The hope…that one day…we will ALL walk together again…into and for eternity!
That is where my hope lies. 15 years ago…for a brief time…I lost hope. But then God reminded me….He is still on the throne….and He is holding my sweet boys…. and keeping them safe…until I can hold them again too.
For so many, not just myself, this day 15 years ago…changed a part of their life. There were so many affected. So many that hurt. So many, that even today, remember. Please do me the honor of leaving a memory here….. and please….sweet friends and family….know that there is always hope. God not only holds my boys in His hands…but he is holding each one of us every moment of every day. Some days…for me…it is a moment by moment thing..just getting by. It is then I crawl into His lap to cry. He lets me be sad and understands my tears. He holds me and comforts like no one else can.
So today….as I allow myself to be sad….and miss the sweet smiles of my angels…let me leave you with this.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
Be thankful and kind to those around you. You never know it….but your smile and kindness could be the hope they need to keep going….just one more day.
Forever remembering…..until the memories unfold into eternity with you!
I love you all … my sweet c3angels! ~mommy
We did not have the honor of knowing all of your Angels but Cory blessed us with that awesome smile! Every party that we came to he would jump in front of the girls to be in the picture! The best part was that he was usually smiling and eating something at the same time! He was stuffing pizza or cookies in his mouth. He was so sweet. We also loved how he loved to perform! The plays just brought out the performer in him! Love the memories, will never forget! Love and prayers to you!
I just want you to know that I love you & I’m praying you through this. God is STILL on His throne! And He loves YOU fiercely my precious friend! There is peace in that.
Xoxo!!!
I remember the day before. Caleb spent the night with us and we went to see Starwars movie. Jared and him were such good friends. I remember you telling me the day after, “thank you for giving my baby a great last day of life”, I was so humbled thinking I could have done more that day, love on Caleb more. You are such an inspiration to those who have no hope. May God bless you this day.
Cheli, I am always amazed at the strength you have always possessed to get through this difficult experience. I know it’s been a very rocky road but you have been such an amazing testimony to the grace of God! I loved those boys and miss them a lot. I too will never forget my phone ringing at 7:25 that Saturday morning and Elaine asking me to start praying. I have continued to pray for you for the last 15 years. You are a special lady and I pray for God to continue to bless your family!
I think of your boys, and you, often. I remember coming to your house in the mornings sometimes before school, and seeing you all every Sunday and Wednesday at church… I was in the grade between Cody and Cory, and I had such a crush on Cody! I remember times being at your house and wanting Cody to think I was cool and mature (yes, a mature 5th-Grader!!) Cory was so funny, and always playing with games and toys that looked like much more fun to me, but I didn’t want to risk Cody thinking that I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with him…. I’m pretty sure there was at least one year that I prayed and asked God to let me get to sit next to Cody on the bus to Young Musician’s Camp.
I saw several posts on Facebook today about you and your boys, and want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Cody, Cory, and Caleb are missed dearly.
I’m privileged to have been Caleb’s kindergarten teacher. I can still see his smiling face as a precious 5 year old. He was so smart! I remember one day when it was his turn to bring snacks for the class he brought green apple peels. I don’t know what the gadget is called, but you put an apple on this “thingamajig” and turn the handle so that the apple peel comes off in one long, curly string. Anyway, he was the star of the day because none of us had ever seen that before. I’ll never forget how proud he was because HIS mom was THAT cool and could make those apple strings. I still teach at Fisher and think of the boys often. Cheli, you are such a strong woman of God and your faith is an inspiration to so many.
Since we haven’t been able to have lunch yet and you would like for us to leave a memory, I think today would be a good day to tell you how I came to know Cody.
I went to Red Oak but was already friends with many kids from Fisher since Crystal, Paige, and I were inseparable and that is where they went to school… I was around so often, a lot of the kids thought I went to school there! But I had never met Cody.
The summer before sixth grade, I went to church camp with Crystal. Some AWESOME things happened at that camp. I gave my life to Jesus one evening during a worship service (I still remember Randy Benefield’s name since he was the man who prayed with me); and I vividly remember meeting Cody for the first time and seeing that brilliant smile!!
He was kind to everyone and included me even though I was new. He was funny, too, and always laughing while surrounded with friends. (I have pictures of him from that camp if you’d like them. I would love to make copies for you.)
When we went home, I asked about Cody often. My best friend at Red Oak was Siri. One Wednesday night at church, she told Cody I asked about him from time to time, and he asked her to invite me to church on the following Sunday; even at eleven, he knew how important and awesome Jesus was and wanted me to know it to!!! How amazing is that?! I did go to church with Siri that Sunday, but Cody and the boys were already angels.
At their memorial service, I remember you telling stories about each of your boys; their character and things they loved. I also remember “No More Pain.” But the thing that stands out most in my mind is you telling mommas to hug their babies tighter. And they did.
I hadn’t seen the boys in a few years so they were all very young. When I think of Cody, Cory and Caleb I always picture them walking down the halls of the church, walking to Sunday school. Seemed as though you were always right there in the hallway dropping them off at their classes or picking them up. They were always right by your side, always dressed so cute, always smiling. All of your smiles were contagious. So thankful that I got to experience your 3 sweet angels for the short time they were here.
Messena
I had the privilege and honor of living with Cheli and those sweet boys the last ten months of their lives. Cody was a tender hearted young man who loved his momma so. I remember his first born characteristics of being a leader and wanting to take care care of his family. Cory was a charming young man who always had a joke and a hungry tummy. Caleb was a little boy full of ideas who was constantly wanting to learn more. Cheli, there are no words, but I am so sorry and I love you. You give us all hope and set an example of what it means to truly live by the spirit. I thank God for you and our friendship.