Well…here we are. 20 years since my boys were taken away from me. 20 years past the day I didn’t honestly think I could live through. 20 years have passed and 20 years of life has been lived! …..and yet…I can still see so many things so vividly in my mind….as if it were just yesterday.
In preparing for this anniversary….God placed it on my heart to do something different. You see…I’m VERY private on these days. VERY! I take off work, I stay home…I don’t make phone calls…and I don’t take all the phone calls I receive. I allow my self to “go there”. I give myself permission to go back, to remember….to hurt and cry…and fall apart. I do fall apart…usually pretty hard. I usually wait until my husband and kiddos are gone…and I release it all. I cry out to God….I cry and allow myself to feel the ache…to feel the emptiness. I allow my mind to go to the places I try to keep it from on a daily basis. These are usually the days I reserve for me.
But this time…this time God reminded me of some very true realities.
This…didn’t just happen to me. They weren’t “mine” only. There were other family members, friends, neighbors, schoolmates, teammates, teachers, coaches…..just a lot of other people who also experienced the loss of my wonderful boys. And…there are people that have never met them….didn’t know them while they were here with us on this earth. These people didn’t know them…but they know us…and so they know their story. And..they love us! And…this being such a momentous anniversary…I needed to do something…something to include everyone.
So, I took it to my kids and hubs to see what we should do. This was at the beginning of February…we talked about it…but then life happened and we got busy…and the next thing we knew…we were about a week away and still hadn’t planned anything. In talking to each of my family…..it seems we all had the same idea. We should do a balloon release to celebrate their lives! We agreed to release blue & silver balloons, the color of their school. Then, where to have it? We talked about the school….or the ball fields where their trees are planted…but ended up deciding on the cemetery. It was decided.
I then created a graphic for each of us to share. I remember my daughter asking if I thought there would be a lot of people there. I said…”maybe”. And by “a lot”…I was thinking 30-40!
Little did I know…this would get bigger than I ever imagined. I wanted to just get together…play some music and release balloons. And that is what we did…but it truly…turned into an event. Not an event I had envisioned…but in looking back…it is exactly the kind of event my heart needed!!!!
In listening to God and opening myself up to others on this day….He did a work and a healing on my heart through others!!! I’m so thankful for His provision!
We had news coverage, 2 professional photographers, friends helping plan, donated balloons…..and friends and family….there to support us.
It was overwhelming…the love I felt.
I told everyone…that 20 years ago…on that awful, dark grey day…I had crawled into the lap of God and let Him hold me. But on this day…..it was their texts, calls, facebook posts, faces and sweet messages that I felt…and it felt just like the arms of God were wrapped around me again! It was them….who gave me my strength. And it wasn’t a dark, grey day at all…. There was a beautiful blue sky, with wispy, angel-winged clouds….that evolved into one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.
We had close to 150 people gathered to remember…to celebrate the lives of my sweet angels! It was overwhelming to see so many people from so many different facets of my life represented there with me! Seeing the love…and you could truly see love….was more than my heart could have imagined. The hugs I received….were just like the hugs I received 20 years ago today.
20 years ago today was the funeral. I remember it being dark and cold and grey…again. But I also remember staying there….and hugging every single person …..long after the graveside service was over. I remember the hugs…the love…and the way it made me feel supported and that I was not alone. That…is exactly what happened, again….at the balloon release. The hugs…the love….the smiles…the stories…the tears…the presence….of those who loved the boys…of those who love me…and my family…were like raindrops in the desert! They were the salve my wounded heart needed on this anniversary date.
I’m hoping these links work….because if you are reading this…no matter where you are in the world….you are now a part of my story….of their story and I want to share this day with you. I thank you for the time you’ve taken to read my blog…to allow me and my part of His story…to reach into your life. This is a video…of the day I had…of remembering…of loving…and of being loved. These are just some of the small reminders…that God shows up!!! He showed up 20 years ago….and He has continued to show up…through the hands and feet of the people who love HIM!
Click here to watch the coverage from News 9. A big shout-out and thanks to Steve Shaw for being so kind and respectful of my family while covering the event.
And this video is a small representation of the day we had…taken by my sweet friend Mary from ToMorrow’s Memories Photography! Please take a few moments…to watch…to see God…and to thank God…for life…for love…and for each other.
So…if you can still see this…through the tears…I know you are really wonderful and I thank Him for you! I ask that you share…so that others can see the goodness in life after death……in hope after tragedy….in love over hate!! I am asking God to do big things…in and through this day of remembrance! He….has done such a good work through this tragedy…and I know…He is just starting to “show up and show off!”. I’m just praying….I’m strong enough…and up for the ride He has in store!!
There is so much more to share…but for now…this is enough. Until then……………
Much love and thanks! ~c
My Life as a COMMA! 
Cheli – Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story and the sweet sweet balloon release for the Cody, Cory and Caleb!! God has blessed you and you are sharing His blessings with the world…THANK YOU!
Roxanne Blystone
Love this!! We lost my little sister when she was just 16 to a car accident in 2008. She is buried at Resthaven as well. We release balloons on her birthday every year on January 2nd. Being surrounded by those that loved her too is so comforting. I’m so happy for the love you were surrounded with on this anniversary. ❤
I love you Cheli! Continuing to pray for your family! ❤
Hello Cheli, my husband and I just read your blog and was very saddened to hear about all of the pain you have encountered these past 20 years. We are happy that you are enduring even though we cannot imagine the loss that you have experienced. Many people wonder why God has not destroyed all of the wicked people on earth that keeps causing such pain. You will be happy to know that God has promised in the near future, to do away with the wicked so that god fearing people can be happy and safe. Note his promise as found at Psalms 37:9-11 and verse 29 & 34. It states (9-11) “For evil men will be done away with but those hoping in Jehovah will posses the earth. Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more. You will look at where they were and they will not be there. But the meek will possess the earth and they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace. (29) The righteous will possess the earth and they will live forever on it. (34) Hope in Jehovah and follow his way and he will exalt you to take possession of the earth. When the wicked are done away with, you will see it”
From the beginning of man down to our day, there has always been wicked people. So, this Bible prophecy will be fulfilled in the near future.
Why can it be said that it is near? Jesus left a composite sign of when we could expect the end. Some of the signs are found at 2 Timothy 3:1-5. In fact this scriptures speaks of how wickedness would be more abundant during the last days. The majority of people no matter what religion they are, all agree that the signs point to this composite sign of us now living in the last days.
So with this said, what does all of this have to do with the loss of your three boys? The Bible not only holds out Gods Promise to end wickedness but he also promises to resurrect all those in the memorial tombs. (John 5:28). This promise gives us the tremendous opportunity to see our dead loved ones again.
This is only a few of the scriptures that hold out the hope for us to see our dead loved ones again.
We than can look forward to another one of Gods promises at Revelation 21:3&4, where it states – death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore, the former things have passed away.
For more information please visit JW.org. When you go into the site, hit the search button and type in Death, you will then note several encouraging articles that are designed to take you to your own copy of the Bible and read more about Gods promises of which can answer many of life’s perplexing questions such as;
1. Why do people die?
2. Where are the dead?
3. How long can we live?
4. Is death really the end?
These are just some of the questions that can be answered from the Bible. We hope that this eases some of your pain from year to year.
Respectfully,
Janet and Jeff
Janetcanady@aol.com