Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘miss my mom’

17 years.

At 2:36 this morning it has been 17 years since my mom took her last breath on this earth…..since she was completely healed of the pain that had overtaken her body. I know at the moment she took her last breath on this earth….and she entered into her eternity….there were tears in my eyes….and nothing but praise…beauty….and joy in hers.

Oh….how jealous I was of her…..even in those first few moments…that she got to see my boys first. How I wanted it to be me…..to see them…to hold them again. But it was her. In her new body. She was running and playing with them…..

I’m so thankful there is no cancer….no pain….no tears….and nothing but joy in heaven for her! I’m sure she ran straight to her father first…then embraced the boys….her mom….and her other loved ones who were there! I know that if she is able to look down on us….on how we’ve lived these past seventeen years without her….she would be proud of the moments we have overcome difficulties….persevered through really tough times….and loved the way we’ve kept going……no.matter.what.

There have been times when I’ve physically ached for her….and wanted so badly to have her here with me. I’ve wanted to share moments with her. I’ve wanted to talk to her…..to hear her voice again. Losing mom…..well…there is nothing like it.

We may not have always seen eye to eye…..or even gotten along all the time. We definitely got on each other’s nerves…..and had differences of opinions….OFTEN! But….there is one thing I always knew…..NO MATTER WHAT….she ALWAYS loved me….and she loved me fiercely! She was tough on me…..and sometimes I didn’t understand it… But it helped to shape me into the strong woman I am today. I didn’t always see her as strong….not when I was growing up. But looking back…she was very strong……

We talked daily…and there were times when there was nothing to say. But I always needed to call her. Just to hear her voice.

It doesn’t matter how old you get…you’ll always want to have your mom around. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I don’t miss her….or wish she were here.

I can’t believe all of the great things she has missed out on…my kids….my sister and her family….our ups and downs. It is hard to think we have lived as much life as we have without her being here with us. But that is exactly what we’ve done. We’ve lived. We kept going….even when it was hard and we didn’t want to….we did.

Part of it is because of who she helped us to become. She wasn’t perfect…..but then again…we aren’t either. Being a mom……makes me miss her even more. Being a mom to a girl….makes me think back on all the times I rolled my eyes at her…and how now I know just how she felt! 😉

17 years…..without my mom. Hard to imagine.

As I sit here today…watching the snow…thinking of her….I remember love. Her smile….her laugh….. I remember the way that, even as an adult, I would lay my head in her lap and she would stroke my hair and talk to me….and the comfort that gave me. Today….I celebrate you mom…..I’m so thankful for you….and everything you did for me….for us. I still love you….and I can’t wait to join you in heaven!

Until then….I’ll be here…working hard to continue to make you proud!
All my love….
~cheli

IMG_0456.JPG

Read Full Post »

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: