My Life as a COMMA!

Mom and Muffin

This is my mom.  Well, actually it is Mom and Muffin.  This picture was taken on Christmas morning, 1996.  This is 4 months past when the doctors had given mom to live.  She was a fighter.

This picture shows the spirit of mom I think I remember the most.  She had an indominable spirit.  No matter what was going on around her……most would never know it.  She always made the best of things and went on with life.  Yesterday was her birthday.  She would have been 64.  She had this indominable spirit up until the day she died.  I think that is where I get some of it…….

As I sat at my computer last night….I just couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t bring myself to write.  I miss her terribly.  It isn’t like we had the best relationship in the world.  We definitely didn’t.  But there was something about mom……something that made me call her every day to just say hello.  Something that made me want to make her proud.  I still do.  I still think about what I am doing and who I am becoming and wonder what she would think….if she would be proud.

She was a fighter.  She went to work up until almost three weeks before she died.  She once told me….”I don’t want to hear you complain about this any more.  It isn’t that I don’t love you, it is just time for you to make a decision one way or another and then live with it.  Don’t sit here wishing this or wishing that.  You take action.”  And that is how she was.  She took action.  She would let you know what she thought and what she was going to do about it.

I loved my mother.  Still do.  But I also remember that when I had Breanna it totally scared me.  Mom didn’t have a good relationship with her mother.  And mom and I didn’t have the best relationship when I was growing up either.  But I loved her and so wanted her approval.  I think I learned a lot from her about raising my daughter.  A lot of what to do as much as what not to do.

I realize how much her approval meant to me.  I was constantly seeking it.  And sometimes when I didn’t feel I had her approval….I always knew I had her love.  It was towards the end of her life that she and I were finally able to come to terms with our relationship.  We would just sit and talk….about nothing or really important things.  We had finally realized that even though we weren’t on the same page…..it was ok.  We talked about the difficult things.  I will never forget getting the call from her that her cancer had moved to her brain.  She called and wanted to tell me herself.  Then….she called me again.  This time she asked me to come see her and bring some paper.  You see, mom knew she was on “borrowed time” and that she didn’t have much longer to live.  She told me that my father was not ready to discuss it but that she wanted to discuss the funeral.  She apologized because this was only less than four months since I had planned my children’s funeral…but she needed my help.  She wanted to make sure we knew what she wanted and who she wanted and the music she wanted.  She wanted to lift that burden from us.  She was being selfless……thinking of us.  So we did just that.  I told her that I would keep the paper and bring it out and show dad when he was ready.  We talked about everything.  Her view of God and heaven.  It is a conversation I will never forget.  I can honestly say I know my mother not only approved of me and my life….but loved me.  I am thankful for that.

As I am struggling through parts of my life now….I often think of her.  I hear her words telling me to take action.  Today…..I feel I have done a little too much.  I am feeling overstretched and not quite where I need to be.  I just came from a conversation of a friend and she counseled me to say that sometimes if we are doing something that isn’t glorifying God….we need to step away.  I am there.  I need to take action.  But I believe some of my actions are to start saying no so that I can say yes to the right things.

I came home and read this short devotional before writing this.

God can do anything.  NOthing is impossible for Him.  But that doesn’t mean He will choose to do everything possible.  He does His will.  So when you are praying for the impossible, it doesn’t mean He will do it.  He may.  Or He may not.  But praising Him invites Him to do what He wants in your life, which is always greater than anything we can imagine anyway.

God mended my broken relationship with my mother.  I praise Him for that.  And although He could have chosen to heal her and allow her to be here with me now….that wasn’t His plan for her life…..or mine.  So I will praise Him for what  He did for both of us while she was still here….and for what He is doing in my life now…since she has been gone.

I love you, momma.  You inspire me still.  Your words ring in my heart and your love carries me.  I hope you are walking with the angels…..with my babies…..and your loved ones…….and looking down on us and being very proud.

til we meet again ~c

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Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”  And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Luke 23:42-43

Rhonda and me....good times!!

A year ago today, one of my best friends in this world….left this world.  I miss her terribly.  I couldn’t sleep last night.  This has truly been a month of remembering.  My son….now Rhonda….and my mother’s birthday is this month also.  This has been a difficult time.

remember me…….

Rhonda was my very first friend here in OKC……  She kind of took me under her wing.  I had a one year old and a brand new baby and we just hit it off!  We would stay up late at night after the kids had gone to bed and talk, play cards, do crafts…..EAT BROWNIES!!  She was always so much fun!  Our kiddos grew up together and were like brothers and sister!  But more than just having fun in life….it was Rhonda that taught me about having a personal relationship with Christ.  She is the one that showed me that it was good to read the bible….not just because it was part of a lesson!  She and I taught 4 & 5 year old mission friends together!  OH…..the stories running through my head now!  We had so much fun doing life together.

remember me…….

When my babies died….she is one of the first ones I called….just to pray…before I even knew the whole truth.  She came to my parents house and held me and slept with me those first couple of nights.  The morning after it happened…I woke up…and when I realized…that it wasn’t all a dream….I broke.  She is the one that held me through all that.

remember me………

Then when my mother died…she was there for me again.  One day…about four days before mom died we were at work together.  I received a call that mom couldn’t be woken and I tore out of there!  She wouldn’t let me go alone.  She drove me there.  She knew I couldn’t focus and she took me to mom safely.  She was always that one.

remember me……..

We went through a lot of difficult times in each of our lives.  She had some rough waters…as did I.  And unfortunately, over the last year of her life…we had drifted apart.  I can’t tell you how this breaks my heart.  I can’t put into words….how much I wish………..I could have talked with her one last time.

remember me…….

I am lucky though…that her sister and son called me while she was still in the hospital.  I got to spend the last 10 days of her life with her.  I got to hold her hand and talk with her.  But I never got to enjoy the Rhonda I knew and loved again!  God healed her on the other side and she is now walking on streets of gold and singing with the angels!  And she loved to sing!

Sometimes I would call her and her machine would say that unless you sang her a song…she wouldn’t return your call!  She would sing to me when I was blue or we would sing because we wanted to be silly!  So many good times.

remember me……..

Well….I miss her.  I can never forget her.  She left a legacy.  My grandmother thinks that a legacy is how people remember you and the stories they can tell.  Her legacy includes good times and a bag of Oreos…..sad times and great big hugs…….bad times and a candle lit bath to soak them all away…….but mostly her legacy was love.  She loved others.  She loved til it hurt.  She loved enough to share Christ with me.  She loved enough to share her life with me.  So, my sweet friend……..

remember me……………….til we meet again! ~c

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LOVE that smile!! My ball player!

This is my precious Caleb Harrison!  Today is his 22nd birthday.  Today I want to share a little bit about how much life he fit into his short 8 years on this earth!

Caleb is my third child.  His brothers were 3 and 2 when he was born so he came into the world knowing that mom needed him to be a good boy….and that is just what he was!  I remember going to the doctor on this day 22 years ago for a check up.  You see, his due date wasn’t until November 3rd so I hadn’t really done all I needed to do in preparation for him to come!  Well…I went to the doctor…and after he checked me he smiled and told me I was going to have a baby today.  I very sternly looked at him and told him, “No, I am not having a baby today.  I am not ready!”.  He just smiled at me and shook his head.  I remember him telling me that it was ok.  He was going to let me go home then to get ready.  He said I could just meet him at the hospital the next day and we’d just get the process started because he thought the baby was big enough.  OR…….if I started to feel too much pain…I should call him and head straight to the hospital!  This doctor had delivered my second son and almost missed the birth!  I have fairly easy deliveries and once things progress…they progress rather quickly!  Anyway….it made me feel better that I could go home and do some things before I had him.  So……we went home!

Little did I know the doctor had told my husband I wouldn’t last the day and to make some calls as soon as we got home!  So…we went home and got busy with chores….feeding the horses…taking care of the boys and such.  Then…about two hours later….WHAM!  I felt a pain in my lower back that made me remember just before things got serious before delivering Cory.  I conceded we should probably head to the hospital.  So we called the doctor’s office (like we were supposed to do) and they alerted the hospital we were on our way.  Only problem was…we didn’t leave immediately!  I really didn’t feel any more major pains.  The phone rang and was a friend from high school I hadn’t seen in forever….so I chatted.  And time got away from me….and then….over an hour and a half later….we left.  Well…..when I wheeled up to the 2nd floor…in a wheel chair…the nurses RUSHED me and swooped what they thought (I guess) could have been the baby from my arms.  It was my pillow.  There were people there waiting for me from my church…and I just hadn’t bothered to get there yet!!

Long story to say that at 6:41 pm that evening…..my sweet….8 lb 12 ounce bundle of joy was born into this world!

Funny faces!

And a joy he truly was.  We had so much fun with him!  He laughed at the world.  He never took anything too serious.  Although…at the same time he was a very serious kid.  You could always tell when he was in deep thought!  And that was often!  Once, when my sister had taken him on a trip to the grocery store……he amazed her with this analogy.  It was during one of those spitting rains.  When they got out of the car…she said, “Let’s run!”.   His reply was, “No.”.  “Why not?”, she had asked.  “Because it isn’t raining that much.  It is like when you are at a stop light in a car and you don’t need your wipers but when the car goes forward and faster you do need them.  If we run…..we will get more wet!”.     Hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.  Made ya think….didn’t it?  That was how my Caby was.  He was always thinking!

And he was FUNNY!  He could do the macarena like no other! And he loved to dance to the YMCA!  He could tell you which direction you were going while in a car when he was only 3…..and that was waaaaay before they had the directional stuff in the dash or on the rear view mirror!  Yet…he was always smiling and having fun!  He played the piano, was a boy scout, played soccer, basketball and baseball.  He loved school!  His teachers couldn’t wait for there to be some sort of standardized testing done to see what his IQ was! This never happened by the way….so I can only guesstimate…and since I am mom…..I am going to say it was HIGH!!!

caby and cinnamon

He loved life!  And he lived it to its fullest.  He played hard.  Anything his brothers could do…he learned to do!  Rollerblading, bike riding…you name it…he’d match it or better it!  He didn’t know a stranger and loved everyone!  He used to cut his hair in a buzz cut.  People would love the way it felt.  Some would ask if they could touch it and he’d say……..for a dime!  He made a great Forrest Gump.  He’d put his best effort into it…..then say, “My momma says, “Life is like a box of chocolates…..Never know what you’re gonna get!””.  So true.

Birthday Blowout!

Well you know…..Forrest’s mom had another quote.  He also said, “Momma always said, dying was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn’t.”

I wish that too.  Oh….. how I wish that we could all go through this life together.  Starting in the same moment and ending in the same moment with all of our loved ones.  I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss him!

I love you, my Caby baby!  You lit up my life for your short 8 years.  But you left me with so many sweet, wonderful memories that I know will carry me through…..until we meet again.  I know you are ok.  I know you are celebrating life, love and eternal peace!  This makes me happy!  But not having you here with me….well…it just makes this momma’s heart very sad.

I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me.  John 6:38

I know, sweet boy, that while you were here on this earth….you did glorify God with your life.  And I also know that since you’ve been gone…..that short life has touched many…..  I know that the piece of chocolate that you were….is the kind that left a sweet taste in everyone’s hearts that came into contact with you.  A taste that can never be forgotten……never be replaced.  And why would we want to try?  There is only one Caby baby!

My love to you ….. today and always….until we meet again!    ~mommy

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It has been a few days!  I am so sorry…I have been a busy bee!  I will share why at another date!

I want to share with you what happened on Friday night.  My daughter is quite the little family girl.  She loves her friends and all…..but she loves some family time.  Well, her brother went home with a friend after school and we got a call late in the evening and allowed him to spend the night.  Sometimes we get the….”that’s not faaaaaaiiiiiiiiir!”   But fortunately, this was not one of those nights!

One of Breanna’s FAVORITE things is to snuggle on the couch and just watch a movie.  All lights must be turned out.  The ottoman has to be in front of the couch…and of course……there MUST be popcorn!  Well…..needless to say…dad and I were both more than a little tired and we were going to be getting a late start to this movie.  She says, “It’s ok, mom and dad, I don’t mind if you fall asleep.  I know how to turn the movie and TV off by myself!  I AM a big girl, you know!!!  I just want us all to be together!”  Well…..I ask…….how can you argue with that logic???  Of course, I couldn’t.  So she was off to pick out a movie.  The movie she chose……Matilda.  VHS….don’t remember where it came from….but that was our movie.

I did make it through without falling asleep.  Then, after the glorious film….(do you sense the sarcasm?) we all went to bed.  Of course….while Bryan was getting ready for bed and I was already in bed…sis came and crawled up beside me.   She grinned and kissed all over my face and said that since bubba was getting to spend the night with his friend…..she wanted to spend the night with me. ….  just us girls! =)  And again….I ask…..how do you say no to that?  So…..Bryan slept in Bryce’s bed and Breanna and I snuggled in.  And I DO mean snuggled!  I hugged her and we whispered and talked.  I loved every moment of it.

But I have to admit my favorite part was when I woke up on Saturday morning.  This old body has set its alarm clock for way earlier than I would like to admit……  anyway…..  I woke up and turned over to this long, lanky girl laying in my bed.  When did this happen?  How is it that she is so long?

My sweet angel baby

This is where my mind took me back to.  This is her on the day my nephew was born.  She was 4 weeks and 1 day old.  We had shared a bed in a hotel for a few hours after he was born.  This is just before I woke her up and had to drive her back to a pediatric cardiologist to make sure that the small hole in her heart had closed properly.  (and it had)  But this is my baby girl.  These are some memories I have of her!

And now…she is growing up.  I lie there just looking at her.  Sad that the time has gone by so quickly but relishing the moment to just look at her and memorize her face.   Sometimes, when I am sad, I am able to look at her….and her brother…and thank God for them.  They are 2 of the largest parts of my silver lining.  I can’t play the what if game……not with my life or theirs.  I have gone there a few times…..”what if they boys were still here…would I have these children?” …… or …..” what if I had stopped after my two miscarriages? I wouldn’t have this baby girl now…..”    It just isn’t ok to go there.  I just try to be thankful for it all.  To be thankful for all my children.  To be thankful for what I’ve had in the past as well as what I have today.  Thankful that for now….my baby girl…still thinks it is “cool” to have a sleepover with her mom!

Don’t give up in the midst of great loss, disappointment, or failure, or you will miss the greatest miracle in your life.  If you praise God through it, you will see the birth of something new and good that would never have happened if this tragic thing had not occurred.

Momma's girl!!!

Be blessed today…..for you are a blessing to someone!  ~c

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Have you ever had one of those days….?  One that….is going really well and then something kind of knocks you off-center and you have a hard time getting back to your normal?  Well, I had one of those today.

Today was my day off!  Praise God for days off!!  Anyway…my girlfriend and I hadn’t got to spend a lot of time together lately so we decided to get a pedicure!  We sat and had several laughs and lots of fun!  Then…when we were done we decided to “do lunch”!  Her reasoning was simple…….I should not go to the grocery store hungry!  Of course I agreed….and we were off!

We went to a great new place and sat down.  I had actually had lunch there yesterday….but love it so much I didn’t mind!  I had told the lady that works at the counter that I knew I had recognized her from somewhere….but hadn’t been able to place her.  You know…how you see some one and you KNOW you know them but they don’t say anything and so you just aren’t sure.  Plus…I couldn’t figure out which “compartment” of my life I knew her from!  You know….theres the old high school friends…friends from old job…friends from old church….friends from other life!  Well, you get the picture!

Anyway…..before I spoke at the Rubies and Pearls event….I had gotten into this old trunk I have in my room.  I don’t open it often….and NEVER when my kids are around.  This trunk holds every card…every picture drawn….every everything from when the boys died.  I pulled several out to look at.  I hadn’t been in there for a while…but just needed to get them out!  My girlfriend came over that night.  She had never seen this “trunk” and so I showed her some of the things the sweet kids had written.  Most were pictures and some were serious.  I found one very serious one….it was titled…

A Tribute to Cody Fox

The sun has stopped shining. The wind has stopped blowing.  The birds have stopped singing.  All motion has stopped, even time, for one of my friends, Cody is dead.

Wow…such deep thoughts for a 6th grader.   We both looked at these and then tucked them away to be seen and read another day.

Well……..what does this have to do with my lunch?  Yes….I am getting there.  Yesterday when I walked into this place it hit me.  She was this boy’s mother!  I told her my realization and she just smiled and said she remembered his paper.  But then today…we chatted a little more and there was just more recognition in our conversation.

Well….my girlfriend and I sat down….as I said….and I glanced to my left.  I thought that I recognized the man sitting next to us.  Then I looked at the other man.  He was younger…but a man.  And I realized….it was him.  It was the boy who had written this poem.  It was the boy…..now a man….that I had just told my friend about.  I said to her, “Look over there.  That is the “boy” that wrote the poem I showed you not long ago!”    “NO! Really??”, was her reply.  She kept looking at him.  She asked me if I was going to go over to him or say something and I told her no….not yet.  We continued with lunch..and laughed…but I kept noticing her looking at him…..as was I.  I was stealing glances.  Stealing glances at what could be my now…but can never be.

After I was finished eating his mother came over and asked me if I remembered him and introduced me to him.  I could see it in his face.  He told me he was doing well.  That …. he is married with a daughter and another child on the way.  He asked how I was….how….was I doing.  I told him I had remarried and have two beautiful children now.  He was glad.  His face softened and it was as if he just wanted to hug me and say he was sorry.  It was as if for a brief moment the thirteen and a half years that have passed were not there and we were back in the moments of just losing the boys.  Of him losing his friend.  He kept smiling and nodding his head.  He said he hoped to see me again.  I hope to see him as well.

I left.  Realizing that my world today is so different.  My friend never knew my boys.  Even though we have talked extensively about them…the realization that this man……was my son’s friend…and I could have 3 grown men…as my sons.  AND be a GRAMMA!!!  It is hard to face sometimes.  It kinda took the  breath outta me for a while.  I came home and just sat and cried for a bit.

But then, this life kicked back into gear……grocery store, homework….and another football game!  I am proud to say…… we won!  And the injury is much better….both the physical and the emotional one. 😉

So I was able to find the balance of the here and now.  I was able to glance into what I might be today…but still able to enjoy who I am and what I have now.  Thank you God for both!

Tonight my heart is heavy for 2 families that have lost loved ones in the last few hours.  Please be in prayer for these families.  Pray for peace in this difficult time.

Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentleness be known to all men.  The Lord is at hand.  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God’ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4:4-7

Thank you for your encouragement of me…… I hope to share more with you…to open my trunk…..and merge some of my past with my now…  allowing you to see  how God is shaping and molding constantly…………..

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1 Thessalonians 5 verse 16 says, “Always be joyful.”

This is what a friend shared today in PAWS to all the kids of the school.  He shared about fruit and that we all produce it.  But this…..”always be joyful” is what stood out in my mind.

It reminded me of this scripture… “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.”

SERIOUSLY!!!????? JOY!!  That is not what I always feel!  I know a lot of times I have a smile on my face and you can hear that smile in my voice…but deep down…joy is not always my first reaction.

Allow me to share what happened last night…….

LOVE this boy!

This is my son Bryce.  He is an awesome 11 year old….wise beyond his years.  Anyway….last night he had a football game.  He was playing great and I was loving it!  I was talking with my mother in law and one of the moms got my attention and pointed to Bryce.  He was on the sidelines crying and was upset.  I watched to see if he was hurt…but could tell by his demeanor with his coach this was not a hurt cry…..this was a mad cry.  And…for those of you that don’t know him….he DOESN’T cry at football.  I watched and the coach kept talking to him and then sending him off and calling him back and talking to him more.  I hadn’t seen the end of the play and no one seemed to know what had happened.  I kept a close eye on him and after a bit…..his coach sent him off the field and told him to ice down because he needed him out there.  I sat by him and we iced his wrist.  I asked him what had happened.  He didn’t want to talk.  I asked him if they had called a penalty on him and he said they hadn’t.  Finally, he said that a player on the other team was making bad hits and hurting them and the refs weren’t calling it.  This upset him.  But I knew there was more.  So I pressed…….what REALLY happened????   He then looked at me and then looked to see if anyone else was watching…..no one….so he gave it up……   He and this kid had collided and then after the play the kid had thrown him down and then hit him after the play was over.  He had put out his hand to block him and his hand went into the other kid’s facemask and had twisted his wrist…..  That was bad enough…but it gets worse.  Bryce looked up and saw that the ref saw what had happened….he kept looking at the ref to make the call…and not only did he not flag the other kid for a late hit….but the ref laughed.  And THAT is the straw that broke the camel’s back for my son.  This was why he was so mad.

Well…he iced down and went and played some more…and he played hard.  We won.  But not without several injuries to our players.  My son noticed that our coaches stood up for our players (thanks to all of you for that btw!) and that they kind of got in trouble for it!

On the way home….we called his dad and were telling the story and he really got upset.  Again, it wasn’t because he was hurt…..it was because someone didn’t do the right thing.  Then…..as I passed by in the hallway after he was brushing his teeth..I saw him with his elbows on the counter and his hands over his face…..crying.  I went in and held him and he said, “Mom…it just still hurts my feelings that ref laughed at me!”  He held me tight and just cried.

I tried to explain to him that not everyone made the right choice all the time and that not everyone played with integrity.  I told him how proud of him I was that he got out there and played the way he did.  He did tell me though that he was in serious pain and that if it still hurt that bad in 2 days he would go to the dr.  But for now…he just couldn’t let his coach down.

So…..joyful…..not really.   Not until the moment that I realized my son had integrity and was noticing that others weren’t making good choices.  But when someone was hurting my baby….no….joy is NOT what I was feeling.

But….thank you Lord for turning my thoughts around.  Thank you Lord for showing my more of my son’s heart.  Thank you for this opportunity to teach him a lesson about life….how it isn’t always fair and it isn’t just kids that mess up!  This morning I thank you that my son’s fruit…..at least during that game….was something I…….and You…could be proud of.

Joyful….yes..to have him as my son.  Joyful….yes…to have the opportunity to teach my child these lessons.  Joyful….yes..but not quite ALWAYS!  I am working on it!!

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I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

This song has been racing through my mind a lot lately.  At church we have been discussing metoring….and being mentored.  We have talked about having a Paul in our own lives.  Someone who will pour into us….someone who believes in us.  AND having a Timothy in our lives as well….having someone we are pouring into….and believing in.

This is such an important concept to me right now.  One that I believe I have taken for granted.  I look back on my life….and can see the people I had encouraging me…believing in me!  So many that I just didn’t realize it.  Some of them never verbally said, “I belive in you, Cheli!”…but by their actions…they invested in me!  So many of those people are no longer around…  so it is a little late to say my thanks to them.  But to those that are still around…let me say THANK YOU!  Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  Thank you for investing in me when I didn’t feel worth investing in.  Thank you for the times you took out of your own life to pour into mine.  These can be such tiny things at the time…but over time…they all add up..and shape us into the person we are today.

Now…for all you I have tried to pour into….  I still believe in you.  Maybe I never said it out loud…but I do.  If you are reading this….even if we have never met….I believe in you.   How can I say that??  ….you might be asking.  Well, because I believe God has brought us both to a point…. a point of intersection where my life and yours have met.  He has brought us here and is using our stories to lift each other up.  I believe in you.  Do you believe in yourself?  God does.  He has perfect plans for you.  Not plans to harm you….but plans to prosper you.  I believe He is using every moment in our life to sharpen our faith…..to have so much faith in HIM…..that we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

My heart has been very heavy lately for a sweet family in our area that is going through a huge crisis.  Right now as I am typing there is a prayer walk going on to lift this family up!  This family…..through their tragedy….and their story….they are leaving a legacy.  No matter how God chooses to continue their story…..they have left a legacy with soooo many people.  They have brought people they have never met together in prayer.  They have shown grace and transparency.  They have allowed God to be in their story…and be glorified.  No matter what the outcome!

I want to be like that.  I don’t want to leave things on this earth!  I want to leave stories!  I want to leave people with the feeling that somehow….maybe in a tiny way….my story….my faith….encouraged them to believe in themselves!  I want them to know that God loves them…because if He can love and lift up a messed up girl like me…..surely He can love them!  I want people to be left with stories of how they saw God in me.  I want them to remember His light shining in me and through me.  I want them to know that if a simple minded girl from Shawnee Oklahoma can have her life turn out ok….after tragedy and difficulty….then maybe…..no DEFINITELY…..God WILL do it for them too!!! 

I am not that big…..not that important….or super faithful….  BUT  my God is!!!.  And I want to leave a legacy……………………….. make my life a comma.  Make my life make someone pause………and believe.

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I must admit this is getting quite addicting!  I have spent part of the day praying and thinking about what I should share today!  But honestly…..it has been an average day…..  that is….until about 4:30 this afternoon!

And then…… be still my heart!

If you would, allow me to just be a really proud momma right now!  You see, at 4:30 I received an e-mail from my daughter’s teacher.  This is how it went…

“Miss Breanna was precious as she shared Jesus with our class today!  PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS!!!!!! She sang songs and invited everybody to PAWS!”

This my friends is why my heart has skipped a beat! My sweet girl is in 2nd grade…and in public school!  PAWS is short for “Praise and Worship Service” that we have each and every Wednesday before school starts! Praise God that her school allows such an awesome thing to happen each week!  Praise God that she has a teacher that is (almost) as excited as I am that my little girl is sharing Jesus with her class!   AND…that she thought enough to share it with me!

But most of all, PRAISE GOD…..that my little girl loves the Lord with all her heart, with all her soul, all her strength and all her mind!!

This sweet little girl……that comes up with the most deep questions….

“Mommy, I know Jesus is in heaven building us all a house….but will my house be close to my brother’s?  Will we have a family house?  Will we be able to visit each other’s houses??”  and “Mommy, I just want to go to heaven to meet my brothers….then I promise I’ll be back.”

My baby girl

If you’ve heard me speak, then you’ve heard me say that after 4 boys….God has a sense of humor….because He gave me a girl!  And you’ve also heard me say what a challenge she is!  But…it is times like this that I am reminded what a true blessing she is!  She is deeply blessing my life with her sincerity and her honesty.  And to hear that she is blessing other lives by sharing who Jesus is…….well……

Be still my heart!

I know this is short….but I am just going to stop here……and enjoy the thought of her smiling….and talking about Jesus!

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.”  Luke 10:27

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