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Proud Big Sis!!!

Heather and Matt

Can I just tell you how proud I am of my baby sister right now!!  Well…I am going to do just that!  This is a pic of her from last year’s Tour de Pink.  For her five year “cancerversary” she decided to celebrate by doing a 230 mile/3 day bike ride to help raise money for YSC. (Young Survival Coalition)  And of course…Matt did it with her.  Heather is not a regular bike rider (or should I say she wasn’t before this!) and this isn’t on flat terrain like in Oklahoma…  This starts off in Hershey, Pennsylvania and goes all the way to New York City!!

The ride starts in Hershey because Hersheys is the largest contributor to YSC.  YSC is a national organization that helps women under 40 going through breast cancer.  When Heather was diagnosed she was only 28.  She went to some wonderful support groups at first.  But she began to notice that although they were going through the same disease….many of these women were at different stages in their lives.  Therefore, the hopes and dreams of having more children and the question of how will my treatment affect that….just didn’t worry women who were in their 60s and had already had their families.  As Heather said…she gained a lot of wisdom from these older women…but at the same time needed to be surrounded by more who knew a little more about how she was feeling.  Since there was not a group like that in or near Tulsa, my sister (being the wonderful woman she is) decided to begin an affiliate of the YSC in Tulsa.  She is the main contact for them and now helps tons of young women go through their own battles!

They ride into New York City because that is where the National Headquarters for YSC is located.  This morning I got to see my sister on National news!  FOX news!  She was on the front row smiling with tears running down her face as her friends husband accepted a check for his daughter from Hersheys.  You see, her mother died, at 44, from her second battle with this horrible disease.  I sat in my living room with a smile and tears holding my kids as I watched her…with pride swelling from me for how she has accepted this trial God has given her!

Heather has seen many young women die from breast cancer.  She herself has survived 6 1/2 years since her own diagnosis.  She is what I consider the best advocate these young women have.  She speaks at all kinds of events to raise awareness.  She sits on the Dept. of Defense and Komen Panels to help decide where to spend research dollars.  She speaks at the capitol and does so much for this cause.  She spends countless hours, unpaid, putting together info packets, sitting with scared patients at their first round of chemo, or just doing research.  She prays fervently for all afftected …. and for a cure.

She and I were at our mother’s bed when mom took her last breath.   That is something we will never forget.  I was in 5th grade when mom fought her first battle.  Heather was only two.  She doesn’t have the memories I have of mom fighting.   Then, watching Heather go through so much like mom did, the memories came flooding back.  I tried to not let on….but I was terrified.  I just hated that I couldn’t do anything to help my baby sister.  It made me sick.

Well, we are on the good side of this disease right now.  Although Heather and I both carry the gene…and have had to endure too much…we press on.  SHE presses on!  She has said that she isn’t glad God gave her breast cancer….but she is glad He gave her this ministry.  That is truly what it is for her…..a ministry.  I used to be jealous of it…… hate to say it..but it is true.  I would tell her…It’s not fair…you can see a young woman with no hair and wearing a pink ribbon and have an instant connection…an instant ministry.  And she is sooooooooo good at it.  She can walk up to anyone and start a conversation and have them laughing and crying at the same time!  And I know those individuals are thankful to have Heather now in their lives.  With my story….well….you just can’t spot people who have been what I’ve been through.  And honestly, the times I’ve reached out to those who have had the same type of tragedy happen…well…they just don’t want to hear that God is good and life goes on……not yet.  And I get that.

What I have learned is people just need to hear that it is ok to not like what God has given us.  But that there is hope after difficult times and that with Him…..not only can you get through it….but maybe…..just possibly……you can help a TON of people on the other side of it…if you just step out….and share it!

Take a page from my sister’s book.  She didn’t ask for this….didn’t want it.  But she walked through it with grace, and faith and is now helping countless women……including ones like me……go through their journey.  Praise God for women like Heather Cobb!  I love you little sis! And I believe in you too!!!

Now…..for a shameless plug.  Go to http://www.ysctourdepink.org  The pic of Heather and Matt is on that site…..and if you feel so inclined….you can donate in her name…..or…someone you love who has fought this battle we call breast cancer!

If you go through a time when you feel as if you’re going to be washed away, draw close to God and wait patiently on Him.  Love Him enough to praise Him all the way through, no matter what the outcome.  Thank Him that He is a good God, and ask Him to show you the good in your situation.

Leave a legacy…

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

This song has been racing through my mind a lot lately.  At church we have been discussing metoring….and being mentored.  We have talked about having a Paul in our own lives.  Someone who will pour into us….someone who believes in us.  AND having a Timothy in our lives as well….having someone we are pouring into….and believing in.

This is such an important concept to me right now.  One that I believe I have taken for granted.  I look back on my life….and can see the people I had encouraging me…believing in me!  So many that I just didn’t realize it.  Some of them never verbally said, “I belive in you, Cheli!”…but by their actions…they invested in me!  So many of those people are no longer around…  so it is a little late to say my thanks to them.  But to those that are still around…let me say THANK YOU!  Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  Thank you for investing in me when I didn’t feel worth investing in.  Thank you for the times you took out of your own life to pour into mine.  These can be such tiny things at the time…but over time…they all add up..and shape us into the person we are today.

Now…for all you I have tried to pour into….  I still believe in you.  Maybe I never said it out loud…but I do.  If you are reading this….even if we have never met….I believe in you.   How can I say that??  ….you might be asking.  Well, because I believe God has brought us both to a point…. a point of intersection where my life and yours have met.  He has brought us here and is using our stories to lift each other up.  I believe in you.  Do you believe in yourself?  God does.  He has perfect plans for you.  Not plans to harm you….but plans to prosper you.  I believe He is using every moment in our life to sharpen our faith…..to have so much faith in HIM…..that we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

My heart has been very heavy lately for a sweet family in our area that is going through a huge crisis.  Right now as I am typing there is a prayer walk going on to lift this family up!  This family…..through their tragedy….and their story….they are leaving a legacy.  No matter how God chooses to continue their story…..they have left a legacy with soooo many people.  They have brought people they have never met together in prayer.  They have shown grace and transparency.  They have allowed God to be in their story…and be glorified.  No matter what the outcome!

I want to be like that.  I don’t want to leave things on this earth!  I want to leave stories!  I want to leave people with the feeling that somehow….maybe in a tiny way….my story….my faith….encouraged them to believe in themselves!  I want them to know that God loves them…because if He can love and lift up a messed up girl like me…..surely He can love them!  I want people to be left with stories of how they saw God in me.  I want them to remember His light shining in me and through me.  I want them to know that if a simple minded girl from Shawnee Oklahoma can have her life turn out ok….after tragedy and difficulty….then maybe…..no DEFINITELY…..God WILL do it for them too!!! 

I am not that big…..not that important….or super faithful….  BUT  my God is!!!.  And I want to leave a legacy……………………….. make my life a comma.  Make my life make someone pause………and believe.

Valleys and Tunnels

Times of trial are full of suffering, trouble, distress, affliction, misery, or pain.  But God says during those times that we are supposed to “count it all joy” because “the testing of your faith produces patience: (Jamies 1:2-3)……God says patience makes us “perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:4)

These are the words I read as I awoke this morning.  Lord there are so many people that are hurting, suffering all kinds of troubles and afflictions.  And though there are some that know they will get through it…..there are others that don’t think they are strong enough to endure.  That they don’t deserve Your love or that they have done too much wrong for You to care.  Right now I just want to thank you that after going through so much I KNOW that is not true.  I know that You have walked with me through every valley….every dark time You were there.

I remember telling a friend that I just felt like I was in a tunnel.  No light….no end….just a tunnel….  I couldn’t see how I could ever make my way out.  I knew God was with me but I didn’t feel hope.   Then……. I can’t tell you when, I started singing with belief that “If God is for me….who can be against me?”… I truly believed it.  I just kept praying.  I didn’t pray specifically…but then there was a tiny light at the end of that tunnel.  Then God kept showing up.  It was as if He was saying to me, “See child, the darkness and the troubles you faced, I was there all the time.  I needed you to understand true darkness in order to fully appreciate the Light!”.  I honestly can’t tell you when it happened…but all I see now is light….no tunnel…no darkness.  It is glorious!  And focusing on light makes the darkness seem so far away……  Try it……..focus on a light.   If you do……then close your eyes…..even in that darkness the memory of the light is still there…..that silouette of the light is still there in the darkness!  HE IS THERE in your dark times!  He is there showing you that in your troubles……count it all joy…because without darkness…….the light isn’t as bright. Valleys are only deep because the mountains are so HIGH!  Be patient and wait for Him.  His timing is perfect.  His strength will endure any and every pain.  In Him, you will lack nothing!  What joy to know we walk with Him!

Another coping mechanism I have used when I am down…..is what that Millionaire show calls….”phone a friend!”  If you don’t feel strong enough or loved enough….phone someone you know is strong and that loves you!  Borrow their strength….borrow their belief in you …  or their belief that God will pull you through until you can start to believe it again for yourself.  Reach out!  Don’t go through it alone and don’t feel like you are the ONLY person that has EVER gone through what you are going through.  True…your circumstances may be a little different…but what I have learned is that we ALL have stories and valleys and tunnels we have been through!  Reach out to someone who is on the other side of it.  Reach out to someone who is on the mountain and out of their valley and borrow some of their belief…  Because knowing we are not alone is so much of a burden lifted.  To know that someone else walked through something similar to what you are walking….and with God they are free of it!!  Well….that is what God has given us!  Stories to share…..  Troubles that we have walked through and come out with our faith and our hearts strengthened because of it!  And if you are one of those that have made it through…don’t you dare keep it to yourself!  God has given these to us (I think) to help others!  So be the light…..be the light at the end of the tunnel for someone..   You will be blessed by sharing!  I know you will….because I have been blessed over and over again because I chose to share!

Thank you for blessing my life.  Thank you for walking this journey with me.  Thank you for your sweet comments that are blessing me and encouraging me to keep at it!  If you need……I will be praying for you!!
In His LOVE! ~c

Be still my heart!!

I must admit this is getting quite addicting!  I have spent part of the day praying and thinking about what I should share today!  But honestly…..it has been an average day…..  that is….until about 4:30 this afternoon!

And then…… be still my heart!

If you would, allow me to just be a really proud momma right now!  You see, at 4:30 I received an e-mail from my daughter’s teacher.  This is how it went…

“Miss Breanna was precious as she shared Jesus with our class today!  PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS!!!!!! She sang songs and invited everybody to PAWS!”

This my friends is why my heart has skipped a beat! My sweet girl is in 2nd grade…and in public school!  PAWS is short for “Praise and Worship Service” that we have each and every Wednesday before school starts! Praise God that her school allows such an awesome thing to happen each week!  Praise God that she has a teacher that is (almost) as excited as I am that my little girl is sharing Jesus with her class!   AND…that she thought enough to share it with me!

But most of all, PRAISE GOD…..that my little girl loves the Lord with all her heart, with all her soul, all her strength and all her mind!!

This sweet little girl……that comes up with the most deep questions….

“Mommy, I know Jesus is in heaven building us all a house….but will my house be close to my brother’s?  Will we have a family house?  Will we be able to visit each other’s houses??”  and “Mommy, I just want to go to heaven to meet my brothers….then I promise I’ll be back.”

My baby girl

If you’ve heard me speak, then you’ve heard me say that after 4 boys….God has a sense of humor….because He gave me a girl!  And you’ve also heard me say what a challenge she is!  But…it is times like this that I am reminded what a true blessing she is!  She is deeply blessing my life with her sincerity and her honesty.  And to hear that she is blessing other lives by sharing who Jesus is…….well……

Be still my heart!

I know this is short….but I am just going to stop here……and enjoy the thought of her smiling….and talking about Jesus!

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.”  Luke 10:27

We need a hero!

Last night I was chatting via text with a friend.  Someone very close to her had passed away and she was there for the funeral.  She said, “To everyone else he was something else, but to me…..he was a hero.”.  This statement has resonated with me all night long.  And this morning I feel like this is so true..we all need a hero….or many heroes!

My sweet friend....my hero.

Last week was the birthday of one of my best friends in this world.  Only problem is that she is no longer a part of this world.  She died last year.  She was one of my heroes.  We met only 3 weeks after my second son was born.  I was 18 and she was 22!  She took me under her wing and became my best friend.  She loved me unconditionally and we had a blast doing life together!  She is the one that led me to Christ.  She is the one that showed me what it looked like to walk with Him!  She became a part of my family.  When the boys died…..she is the one that came and slept in my bed and held me when I cried!  I miss her….but will try to be like her with the rest of this life I have been given.

Two of my biggest heroes!

Here are two more of my heroes.  They are some of the strongest women I know.  The one in the middle is my little sister. And the one in the hat is my mom.  Both of them have battled breast cancer.  My mom’s first battle was when she was 31.  I was in 5th grade and my sister was only 2.  Mom had a horrible reaction to her chemo but she battled with grace and strength.  Then, at 47 she faced her second battle.  And again, at 49 she faced another battle.  This would be the battle she fought the hardest.  The one they said would only last six months…but she made last a year and nine months!  This is the battle that took her life…

And my sweet sister….at 28 diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is now a six year survivor and the biggest and best advocate this world has EVER seen.  While walking through her battle with cancer she has reached out and helped so many other women and families…I can’t even begin to tell you!  I think that she is one of the bravest women out there.  I have even heard her say that it isn’t so much that she is glad God gave her breast cancer…but she is thankful for the ministry she has now because she had breast cancer.  Talk about strong!  She has allowed God to shine through her and she is the biggest fighter I know.

I could go on and on….about these and other heroes in my life.  I have many more friends I could share their stories with you….But just one more….

God is my hero.  The day my boys died I had so many people at my parents house with outstretched arms and tears to share with mine.  And I love each one of them for it.  But by that evening….I had to get away.  I had to go and be with my Father.  I was able to go into a room by myself….light some candles and just talk to God.  Because He understood my pain.  He had lost a son too.  He knew my heartache and my pain.  He wanted to hold me and to share His tears with mine.  He lost His son….by His choice.  To make up for everything that we would do…..to make a bridge so that our sins would not keep us from Him…so that He could hold us and we could have assurance that we would all be with Him again some day.  He loves us that much……..now THAT is my hero.

There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go…   ~Frederick W. Faber

Dodgeball!!

My sweet birthday boy!

Today we celebrated my son’s 11th birthday!  First, a 2 hour party with family.  Yes…..PaPaw and MeMaw, cousins, Aunts and Uncles and all family got in on all the fun!  When I first mentioned our family party would be here, I don’t think the family knew what they were in for!  I am sure they thought that they were going to come and watch all the kiddos play some dodgeball!!!  OH NO!!!  Little did they know we had more in mind!  We had all the family involved!  And it was a BLAST!  I don’t think we have smiled and laughed quite so much in a long time!  Especially when we had the kids against the adults!  Some of the adults were taking this seriously….as were the kids!

The kids side.....

The adult side.....

See…..everyone is getting in on the fun!  This was the best birthday ever!  My son didn’t care about presents or anything….just playing and having fun!  Which we did LOTS of just that!  I don’t remember who won!  I think we all did!  Today was just another precious reminder to enjoy the little things.  Birthday parties…..kids games…….things sometimes I think we just might think we are “too grown up” to do some of this.  I say nah!!!  My father in law said he hadn’t played dodgeball since he was a kid!  But he had a blast!  I say throw caution to the wind and have fun!

Yes...even I got out there! And got hit a few times!

I even got out there and had a ton of fun.  So for today I want to leave you with this.  You have heard that the laundry and things like that can wait……well they can.  But memories like the ones we made today…well…..they can’t wait.  But they do last!  We will always remember this crazy day!  We celebrated with friends and family……..made memories and laughed and just plain had fun!  Don’t wait to do it!  Don’t put it off until tomorrow.  My son won’t have another 11th birthday……this is a special day.  EVERY day is a special day.  Enjoy each and every day you are given.  They are gifts….waiting for you to unwrap them and just waiting to see how you will play with them!  Remember…today…this moment…just like every moment…..is a choice!  Today…..I chose DODGEBALL!!!

Where your pleasure is, there is your treasure.  Where your treasure is, there is your heart.  Where your heart is, there is your happiness.

~Saint Augustine

Rubies & Pearls

Giving it to God

What an AWESOME eveing I had last night at the Rubies & Pearls Women’s Event!  There were so many women there and it was truly a life changing event!  I truly believe that God was there with us as we shared and laughed and cried together!  I was able to share what God has done through my life and to try to give hope to others that He is with us in every situation….every joy and every pain we walk through.  I was blessed by so many who came up to me to share their story with me.  Through tears we realized that we truly aren’t alone.  Maybe noone else shares our exact same story, but there are so many of has that have stories.  So many of us that have walked through valleys.  And somehow, just knowing that someone else has walked through it and has emerged on the other side of it….and can still see that God really IS good…ALL the time, well, it gives us hope.  Hope that with Him, we really ARE strong enough.  Hope that when we truly give it over to Him, He truly WILL take it from us!  And most of all Hope that we can be broken and still be whole……all at the same time!

Thank you to every one who was there last night.  Your faces touched my heart.  I have struggled with being on that stage and putting myself out there.  But last night you showed me that God truly is in this and it truly is HIS story.  You reaffirmed in me that if I am the vessel, His work will be done and His name will be glorified!  Praise God for the blessings I received last night.  Your names and stories are forever etched in my heart.  The picture of you waiting in a line to nail all your pain to that cross will forever stay with me.  Your courage to embrace the strength that through Christ WE ALL HAVE continues to bring me hope!

Please pray for me as I will be praying for you.  Pray that I will be open to everything that God has planned for me!  Blessings to you all!

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

The cross

Hello world!

Today is a very special day for me!  Not only is this my first official blog post!  BUT most importantly it is my son’s 11th birthday!

Eleven years ago today I woke up and went to the hospital!  You see, about two weeks before delivery I found out that my bundle of joy had done a somersault in my belly and had basically gotten his head stuck up in my rib cage!  So I did everything I possibly could to get this boy to turn back around!  The day came to go to the hospital and he still had not turned.  So they did a version.  Now, if you have never had this done…I would not suggest it.  They basically take their thumbs and try to coax one end (the rear) and the other end (the head) to move.  They do this on the outside of your belly!  OUCH!  My sweet son’s rear was moving but his head just wasn’t going to budge. *I guess I should have considered myself forwarned about him then….“head strong!”*  So the doctor told me that they were going to have to do a c-section right then.  Now, not to take anything away from any of you moms that have had c-sections…..but this momma just had a hard time accepting this.  I mean, my other kids were all born naturally with no pain meds and I was just fine!  This is SURGERY!!  I was scared!  Not to mention I truly felt like I was robbing my sweet husband of the miracle of birth!

Then comes my sweet baby sister.  I will never forget her words.  She told me that maybe this was God’s way of making this baby different from his brothers.  Maybe this was God’s way of making this a brand new experience for me.  And that is exactly what it was.  This was God’s gift to me.  A new son….a new life…..a new experience….a new family.  Thank you God.  Thank you for the precious gift of my son.

I call him my rainbow.  Because to me….after all the bad….Bryce is God’s promise to me…that I can live again as a mom.

Bryce is a wonderful, kind hearted…old soul.  He is wise beyond his years yet the most tender-hearted soul.  I can’t imagine ever not having him.  He has a lot of each of his brothers in him.  Yet there are so many things that are uniquely his own.  When he was born the doctor didn’t say the normal, “It’s a boy!” or “he looks healthy!”.  My doctor simply said, “Oh my God, it’s a football player!”.  And what foreshadowing that was.

Tonight we celebrated at the football field, in the pouring rain, where his team had a huge victory.  I sat on the sidelines cheering them on.  But also, just thinking that without the rain.. the promise of the rainbow would mean nothing.

So through my story….now my rainbow shines.  Thank you Lord, for my promise.  Because I love being a mom!

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. James 1:17