Archive for the ‘Memories…..’ Category

Happy Birthday to my first, oldest and most wonderful son, Cody Brian!!!  Today…you would be 26!!

There are so many things I have felt today…..sadness….joy….grief…..love…..thankfulness…..  and much more.

Sweet Cody came into my life when I was still so young.  I was only 17 and actually just finishing my junior year of high school!  I couldn’t wait for the day he would be born!  I had been having braxton hicks contractions for almost two weeks.  On the evening of the 22nd…..my mother came over and just looked at me and then came over and put her hand on the top of my great, big belly.  She looked at me and said, “You’re having contractions!  Can’t you feel that?”.  And to be honest…I couldn’t.  So we just sat there and she’d leave her hand on my belly and tell me every time I was having one.  Everyone was hungry so they ordered pizza and we spent the evening with her hand on my belly and just talking and watching tv.  About 10:00 pm….my contractions were five minutes apart….so off we went to the hospital.  Some of the family drove to Shawnee from Okc to be there….but we weren’t at the hospital for long before they sent me home.  I was so disappointed.   But I was finally able to fall asleep.  When I woke up the next morning I did what most pregnant ladies do and headed straight for the bathroom.  I “did my business” and was about to get up and go lie down again when I realized I still felt wet!  Something just wasn’t quite right. So I stayed there and after a few minutes I realized I was leaking!  I got up and got my bag and said we needed to go back to the hospital!  To which, my husband replied, “Do we have time to go through the drive through at McDonald’s so I can get me something to eat?”.  I think the look on my face was his answer.  And no…..we didn’t go through any drive throughs!!  On the drive there I saw my best friend at a stop light.  She turned and followed us to the hospital!  When I got out of the car….it felt like I completely wet myself!  I was so thankful they gave me a wheelchair so that I didn’t have to walk through with wet pants!!

They set me up in the room….and let me just say…..having a baby then is soooooo different than today!  I’ll spare you from the details!  One thing I vividly remember though is having to be on a pit drip.  The nurse would come in and turn it down….and I’d start progressing….then the doctor would come in and I’d start having massive contractions that looked like huge triangles on the little paper!  This went back and forth for a while.  My family later told me they could hear the doctor and nurse fighting outside my room in the hall.  I didn’t realize until after my bundle of joy was born that they were concerned because there was meconium in the amniotic fluid.  But….my precious son was born at 2:55 pm……perfectly healthy at 8 pounds 4 ounces and only 18 inches long!  Yes…he was quite the little bundle! 

I was in love!  This is what love looked like.  He had dark brown eyes from the day he was born and they mesmerized me!  I remember taking him home and thinking how he would have my heart for the rest of my life.  I was right.  He still does. 

Cody and I had a bond…that is so hard to describe.  I was his protector…but he was also mine.  And  his smile….oh….God….that smile.  He could melt my heart with his smile.  And that is what his friends talked about the most.  How he was always smiling.  So many of his friends said he was probably the best friend they ever had…..but some didn’t realize it until after he was gone. 

I remember one night when he was in fifth grade.  We used to talk every night when he went to bed.  I’d sit on the edge of his bed and we’d talk about everything under the sun.  This particular night….he was very upset.  He told me he felt like he didn’t have any friends.  When I asked him why…..he told me everybody else believed different from him.  He said some of his friend’s parents let them listen to CDs with cuss words on them….and that nobody understood him or why he would walk away from conflicts instead of fight them out.  We talked and I tried to reassure him that he did have friends…and he told me that he didn’t have any that were too close to him.  As I left his room…..I remember standing in the hallway and shedding tears.  Tears of joy at him being “different” and knowing it…and tears of sorrow at his sorrow and feeling so isolated because he was different.  The saddest thing to me….is that his perception of how others felt…isn’t how they truly felt!  They didn’t share their true feelings until after he was gone!  How sad that he felt alone….when he really wasn’t!

Cody wasn’t afraid of much.  He wasn’t afraid to be different …. to show others he loved God ….. to try something new!

This pic proves just that!  I am actually kind of thankful that the person who took this photo didn’t give it to me until after Cody was gone!  Cody was kind of a dare devil…and momma….not so much!  I loved his heart!  He loved others…..and he loved life!  He lived it to it’s fullest…..and in his short 11 years…..he lived and loved more than some of us can even imagine!  He dreamed big!  He shared big!  He wanted others to know about Jesus.  He invited friends to church and he talked about being saved.  He was baptized on Easter Sunday and he wanted everyone to be there!  He loved everyone…..and I now know…that everyone loved him!

I love you, sweet Cody.  I miss the man you would have been.  I miss the times just talking with you….snuggling with you…….and holding you.  Today I celebrate you.  You made me a mom first.  For that I thank God!  He knew then that even though I would love you for a life time….I would only have you with me here for a short time.  Praise sweet Jesus that I will be able to walk with you in eternity!  No more tears there! 

Thank you for allowing me to be your mom.  Thank you….for showing me the world of unconditional love.  Thank you…..for waiting in heaven for me to be with you…to hold you again.  I love you, sweet Cody. ….. more than I can say….or even try to express.  But you still hold the keys to my heart.  Always have…..always will.

Happy Birthday to you!  I can’t wait to see those brown eyes again!

~love, momma.

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