My Life as a COMMA!

I remember the day after my boys died. I remember waking up….and feeling like I had had a bad dream. Then, reality hit…..and it hit HARD. I think I’ve written about this day before…I called it the second worse day of my life. Waking up to my new reality…..realizing this was it. Realizing my boys were gone…they would be gone for the rest of my life….and every morning when I woke up – would be another day without them. It was awful.

But, I also can tell you I had hope. I knew where my boys were and the hope I would see them again. I knew they each had a personal relationship with Jesus and had accepted him into their hearts. I had (have) the promise of eternity spent with them. I had the hope of being able to get through the rest of my life on this earth…and then being able to spend eternity with them…..hugs and smiles and forever with my boys…..this is what helped to get me through.

As I sit this morning in my quiet time…..I thought of Mary. I thought of her mother’s heart on the day after her boy died. She knew Jesus….but only as her son….not as the Risen Saviour. She didn’t have the hope of the cross….she only had the hurt of the cross. I’m sure her heart grieved in a way I can’t understand. For on the day after, her waking up to her new reality……she had to do it without hope. I cannot fathom. I cannot imagine how someone could lose their child without the hope of seeing them again. I don’t understand that feeling.

As I think of Mary…..right now….as she sat in the in-between…my heart grieves for her momma heart! Oh how hopeless she must have felt. She watched her son die…..she knew he was meant for more. She knew he had been “heaven-sent” and for a purpose…. But, OH…..her momma heart had to be screaming out at God! She had been robbed of her son. She had to have felt helpless…..hopeless…..and just heavy. Goodness…my heart aches right now for her…..for on this day….the day after her son died……she had no hope….because she didn’t know that tomorrow the tomb would be empty…..that He became HOPE!

Losing a child…..losing anyone is hard. But a child…..it feels like you are robbed. It is so unnatural. It is a part of you….that is supposed to outlive you. Your child is the epitome of hope….new life….that is supposed to continue on after you are gone. It is a pain like I’ve never experienced before. And I’m sure, Mary, felt it too. She lost her baby. No matter how old he was….no matter what God’s purpose for His life was….He….was her baby. Her heart….was ripped out.

I’m so thankful….that from the moment my boys died….I knew where they were. I knew they were with God….with the only being who could love them more than me. I knew they had no more pain…and would never experience heartache or sorrow again. And I knew….I would see them again. I knew I had hope. I knew I could get through this life without them….because the prize….in the end….we will be together again…for eternity.

Today is the day Mary had no hope. Today is the day she had to have felt like she couldn’t go on. Today is the day she woke up without knowing….without any kind of solace. Today was dark. Today was the day without any kind of joy.

But tomorrow…..oh tomorrow…..it is the day she will realize hope. It is the day she will realize her eternity will change. It is the day of joy…of hope…of love…and of life!

He will rise! She didn’t know it….but we do!

If you are stuck in darkness….and don’t feel the hope of tomorrow….feel free to reach out….to ask questions. I want you to know the hope I have. I want you to have the joy I have. I want you to know it is possible to smile….to look forward…even after loss. Even after losing my children….I smile….I feel joy…and I have hope…………

All because…..tomorrow is coming!

Much love to you all ~c