This is a very vulnerable post. It may not be politically correct or even biblically correct…and I’m okay with that….because this is my post. My story. My stuff. Like it or not, but don’t comment or condemn if you don’t at least try to understand.
I realized this past weekend I’ve been struggling to be seen.
What this means to me is…I’m a giver. I love nothing more than finding a need and trying to meet it. I don’t have to have the credit…I don’t need the receiver to even know it was me…I just love to give….to be the unseen angel who meets a need of another. I especially love to give to other mothers…because…I get it.
I give to others as a part of my love language. I love listening or noticing enough to know something someone wants, loves, needs….and tucking that knowledge away for a time I can meet the need….or they need a pick-me-up. I love taking care of others. I love being “Momma Cheli” to so many. There just aren’t enough words to express what being called that and being able to be that to some…means to me.
Now…I’m not always good at it…and I don’t always have the means to do everything I’d like…but I try…and I love it!
So….back to my story.
I was struggling. I mean….I do….and I do….and I do…..and I LOVE IT…yes. But sometimes….my bffs ask, “Who does for you?” And “When do YOU get to just rest?”. Because….truth be told….I stay busy – but that is a whole other issue! 🙂
I love being there for my family. I love doing the little things that support them….the extra things to make them feel seen….to make them feel loved. Things like having their favorite drink/food in the house. Or….knowing after a lock-in my baby girl would be tired…so getting up early and making sure she called me and talked to me the whole way home so she’d stay awake while on the drive home…..and folding down her bed and preparing her room so the first thing she could do was crawl in and get some much needed sleep. Things like making sure my son’s diabetic supplies don’t run low and picking them up or refilling them for him. Or like knowing when the weather turns colder my husband loves a pot of chili and making it the first cold night.
All these are just small examples of how I love to love on my people.
But moms….do you get me when I say……Sometimes I struggle to feel seen?
On same said night after getting up early – my sweet girl wanted to have dinner and a movie with her small group leader. Does that make me jealous? NO! Am I worried this lady is trying to replace me in my daughter’s world? NO! Am I secure in my relationship with my daughter? ABSOLUTELY? But…….tbh….at that moment…it felt like a punch in the gut. She goes to college and high school, and works…..and has a busy life…. as do I. And this was the one night we could’ve spent some time together! (Emphasis – to show my uncommunicated expectations…..) So, instead of wishing her well….I was silent. I let her go all while hurting her feelings….because my feelings were hurt first.
Yes….we’ve had a great convo about it and I apologized. She didn’t know what she didn’t know. And that was on me.
But that is how I was feeling. I mean, moms…..don’t you feel like you’re invisible at times? Like….who in the world do you think knows we are almost out of toilet paper, buys it, stocks it and makes sure it is in the bathroom where you need it???? There is no toilet paper fairy!! Yeah…maybe that seems silly…but think about it….how many silent fairy roles do you play?
I know my kids friends, their grades, their teachers, their moods, their needs, their wants, their fears, their thought processes and so much more. I anticipate things so my family won’t worry or be in need about so many things.
And I work…..sometimes 2 jobs! And I play nurse….financial artist…..friend….cook….teacher…counselor…..best friend…..worst enemy…..safe place…..mentor…..student…..and so much more!!!
So….after this event with my daughter and some others in my household…..I did what most moms who feel unseen do…….I took a BATH!
2 hours…..with tears and prayers flowing…….angry…hurt…
I told God I don’t get it.. I do for them…but they don’t seem to see me.
And…you have to understand….God and I work in pictures. I’m a visual learner…so this is what He shared with me…..
Think of a tree. You know….the big ones. With the thick trunks and huge leaf balls. You see it? Okay…..what would you say is the strongest part of that tree?
…..
…..
Most….would say the trunk. It’s massive in size and it has to be to hold up all the large branches and continue to grow.
….
That is exactly what I thought when God gave this to me…..
but then….He said this to me……
No….in this picture, sweet child, the strongest part of the tree is the roots. And you, dear mom, are the roots.
You see…..
The roots are where the tree (family) draws it’s strength.
They are unseen…but the most important part….for if the roots are unhealthy, so is the tree.
And the roots do so much.
They seek out the source of nourishment the tree needs. You seek ME (God) out and make sure the family (tree) stays healthy.
When the ground beneath you seems to crumble…..you continue to seek the source in order for the trees to remain healthy.
When there is too much that falls upon the tree……you (the roots) absorb it….and risk it all to make sure there is no damage to the rest of the tree (the family).
If the tree had eyes and looked down, even the branches, the leaves, the fruit and the trunk….wouldn’t realize you were there…..because you are covered by the soil. Just as your family doesn’t see or know all you do, all you pray for and how you take care of them..
But child…..I see the roots. And I see you.
You are not invisible to me. I have seen you since before I knit you into your mother’s womb and I knew…..you’d feel this way. I made you strong…..because I knew some would try to damage you…..
I.
SEE.
YOU.
God sees me….and at that moment….that is all I needed.
I needed to be seen…but I was seeking it from the wrong persons….in the wrong ways.
I serve my family BECAUSE of HIM.
So, I am realigning my thinking…..I serve an audience of One…and as long as I know HE sees me….I’m going to be okay.
Dear mommas who are feeling unseen…..KNOW….beyond a shadow of a doubt….HE SEES YOU! He knows your sacrifices. He knows you need a break…..he sees you with tears in your eyes wondering if you are enough….if you can even do this mom thing…..HE KNOWS. And he sees the times you lash out because you are tired and are afraid you’ve somehow damaged your child…he sees you order pizza because you are too tired to make dinner. He knows you’re doing the best you can. He sees…..He knows…..He created you….for them.
Each root system is unique. It is specifically designed to support the tree it was created for. Some roots grow down….some grow out….some do whatever it takes.
Just like you. He specifically designed you to support your family. He created you for them….and them for you. He knew YOU were exactly what they would need….and sometimes it would be hard….and you’d question……..
DOES ANYBODY SEE ME?
He does. He did. He will continue.
You aren’t buried because you aren’t good enough. You are buried for protection. He wants to be enough for you. He wants to be your source of nourishment. He is enough.
I see you too, mommas. I get it. And so do so many others. Let’s stop acting like we are an island and start lifting each other up! We ALL struggle….to be seen…..to feel like we are enough.
This is just one night in my struggle. And how God spoke to me…in a picture…
Of a tree.
My Life as a COMMA! 
This is for you, Cheli. I pray the words below bring you as much comfort and encouragement as they did to me 🙂
“Invisible Mother”
It all began to make sense….the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’
Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock?, Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?’
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names.
2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4) The passion of their building was fuelled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof. No one will ever see it’
And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
This is so amazing. Even single women feel like their unseen. The roots of the tree support the whole tree. God see us loves us cares for us. Thank you for these encouraging words the visual of the tree
I love reading your emails. Thanks for sharing!
Totally understand. I’m a giver mother type to friends and family. My problem I deal with personally is it becomes expected. If I can’t meet their “wants” then they can’t understand why. Why don’t I understand when they can’t see me, or cant do what I have asked from them. I will never stop being a giver for it brings me JOY. Just wish something’s were different.