Today would be my sweet Cory’s 32nd Birthday! It’s hard to believe. That is a man’s birthday…but he will always be my sweet boy! Forever 10…..forever that sweet smiling face! I haven’t been able to sleep….thinking of you….wondering about what your life would have been like.
I wonder….
Would you have been an actor? I remember you telling me when they were starting to look for the second “Home Alone” movie starring role…you told me, “Just get me to Hollywood mom. I’m their guy!”. And…you TOTALLY believed it too! This makes me smile even now! Your confidence was off the chart and I know you probably could have been right!
Would you be singing? Maybe famous for that angelic voice? You loved to sing….I mean, LOVED to sing! I’d like to think you’d be a worship artist and touring with a band….bringing praises to God through your songs! Helping others worship…..singing along with you!
Would you be a doctor? You were so smart…without even having to try! You had a passion for learning and loved helping people!
Would you be married? Single? Have kids? All things I’ll never know.
What I do know is you cram-packed a whole lot of life into 10 short years! You LIVED every moment you were here! You smiled…ALL.THE.TIME! You loved on others and helped those who needed it! I’ll never forget going to a parent/teacher meeting and your teacher telling me of a sweet moment between you and another student. You weren’t finished with your assignment when you noticed another kid struggling to understand. I don’t know how you knew…but you did. She said she watched you….get up and go to this student and put your hand on their shoulder and comfort them, encourage them and then help them understand it in a way they could continue with the assignment on their own. She said not once did you do it for them…but instead…you taught them in the way they needed to understand it. She said you then went back to your seat…you glanced over at her…and saw she was watching. She said you just grinned and picked up your pencil and finished your own work. She was amazed. I cried then and I’m crying now.
That was your heart! That was just who you were! I was so proud of you! I still am! I try to remember these little things and honestly….strive to live out my life in the same way!
One of my favorite things about you is the way you loved! Even the way you loved me! You were my child who always had to “tag up”! This part about you is something that I miss. You were confident and loving. But you loved your momma! You would fall asleep in my lap and I’d have to carry your long, lanky self to bed….even still in 4th grade!! But if I was ever gone for an evening….or you were just needing some extra reassurance…you’d always come and climb into bed with me. You weren’t a cuddler…you’d stay on the edge of the other side….but your foot would ALWAYS slide over to my side until it was touching me. You’d always “tag up” and make sure I was there. It was as if…..as long as you could just touch me….you were okay. How I miss your touch!
Tears have fallen a lot lately in missing you and your brothers! You would not believe the support…the love…of others! I opened my facebook and was reminded of the ones who wore red on your 30th birthday to show you love! The ones who remember you….that to this day…think of you so often! Your 10 years on earth were short….but impactful! This is the 22nd birthday I’ve had to celebrate without you…without your touch!
What I wouldn’t give for you to tag up again! To feel you….to see your smile in person and not just in my dreams. Oh…how I love you son! How proud I am of you!
In “wondering”….I am reminded of the truth.
The truth is….you ARE a star! You ARE a worship singer! You are “tagging up” still…..it’s just with Jesus! I know your voice was added to the choir to praise God on the day you went to heaven! I know you do nothing but smile every single moment! I know you still care for others and bring joy in every possible way! I know, for you, it has been but a moment since you arrived to the most beautiful place!
But for me…it’s been 22 birthdays without you! It hurts…and there are still tears. One of the first things I did this morning was go to find scriptures to comfort my hurting heart. It’s amazing…how heartache can become physical pain. Like…my heart literally hurts. My throat burns as hot tears roll down my cheeks. I feel like I can’t catch my breath…because taking another breath…living more days without you…just hurts too much sometimes.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Rev. 21:4
How I long for this! But for now…I’m comforted in knowing this is what YOU get to experience! I remember having the Point of Grace song, No More Pain, sang at your funeral. Just for you…yes…P.O.G!! ;). But for the gentle reminder of what you were experiencing…to help soothe so many hearts.
Today…I’ll celebrate you! I’ll celebrate who you were….and try to live up to how you lived your life! Sweet boy….I can’t put into words how blessed I am to be your momma. I can’t begin to tell you what the ten years with you have done to change my life….for the better! It wasn’t long enough…at all! But I’m so thankful to look forward to my eternity with you! I can’t wait to join the choir WITH YOU! I can’t wait to see your smile shining again! I’m the one….who can’t wait to TAG UP….one more time!
Until then….sweet Cory….I’ll be here….living….because that is what you’d tell me to do! All my love and hugs and kisses!
~momma
Happy Birthday Cory in Paradise!! 👆
I will always remember the fun times you and Philip had together. Hugs Cheli on such a difficult day. I know your sorrow.
Love,
Nancy
I’m so blessed by your honesty and transparency, sweet lady. But more than that, just like King David did in his Psalms, you faithfully end your thoughts and praise with hope in God!