I work in the Real Estate industry. I sell new homes. I see possibilities in our new homes for families all the time! I walk into empty houses every single day. But I’ve never heard from God in an empty house until just a few days ago….when I walked into my own.
The last 4 weeks have been a whirlwind. Losing Gramma….closing on the new house….moving day was a disaster!!….and add to all of it…the 19th anniversary of losing my boys! Mix it in with trying to live a somewhat….normal life…you know, everyday stuff like work, kids and family!!! To say crazy is my life is normal..this was over the top crazy though!
This past weekend my husband took advantage of the good weather and finished moving everything out of our garage, shed and attic over to the new place. **side note** It is utterly amazing to me how much crapola we’ve accumulated in the past 15 years!! 😉 I’m not sure if having 3 weeks to move everything hurt us or helped us. It seemed never ending…but it is done.
Well…after his busy weekend…my busy began Monday. I put aside the whole day to go to the “old” house and clean it! (I mean, I couldn’t let people know just how badly I’d let my house go after it sold!) So I pull into the garage….and it was empty. No biggie…I expected that. Then I walked into the house. The kitchen first. There were still things on the counters ( my sweet love left paper towels and cleaning supplies for me to use!). Then I just walked through….one room at a time. The living room…hall…kids’ rooms…then my room…my bathroom…my closet. By the time I reached the back of the house and saw my closet….it started…full.on.bawling. I mean, the ugly cry. I sat on the side of the bathtub and just…cried. I couldn’t stop it. My mind LITERALLY was saying, “Just cancel it…just cancel everything. This is my house. I want this whole process to stop!”.
And then after my cleaning day…we went back, my husband and I…one last time. It was clean…it was beautiful…it’s the house I made a home…and I couldn’t do it. I left him inside and went and sat in the car alone. I cried again. And then again later that night…cried some more.
I brought my baby girl home in that house. I kissed boo-boos and made cookies for my babies in that house. I fought for my marriage in that house! Dreams were made in that house. Friends and family were in that house. It represented the largest amount of time in any part of my life I’ve lived in one place. 15+ years….I was in this house!!
But then…during my prayer time…and seeing the young couple who was buying this house be so excited and almost “giddy” about moving into “my” house…God spoke to me.
He shared with me how we hold on to what is comfortable. We resist change…no matter how good it may be for us! How many times…when He has a huge blessing for us…are we so wrapped up in where we’ve been and how comfortable it is….to allow ourself to feel a little momentary pain of learning something new…and open ourself up to His blessings??!!
He shared with me how…even in the emptiness…I was so caught up in looking backwards….instead of looking forward into where He wants to take me! For a moment…I was prepared to abandon His future blessings…even in the emptiness…for the comfort of something I’d HAD……!!
He shared with me….how we need to remain forward thinking…not backwards looking…in so many parts of our lives. Then…He completely sealed this thought when a friend shared that when she was being raised…her parents wanted to make sure you remembered your sins…so you wouldn’t repeat them. But as an adult…she was realizing it actually HURT her instead. Because… as she constantly remembered the sin…even though she knew she’d been forgiven…it kept her in a place of also remembering her guilt…her not feeling good enough…and the negative feelings the enemy uses against us! So in LOOKING BACK…she was attacked…and not walking in the fullness of HIS GRACE!!
Friends…I know so many of you have walked through some tough roads…but they are in your past. I know some of you are walking through some tough times right now…but keep your eyes focused on what’s in front of you! Just like I told a friend today….the bigger the blessings God has planned for you…the bigger the attack the enemy will have on you! DON’T get comfortable!! Even in the uncomfortable emptiness…I was tempted to look back..instead of forward! I spent so much time in the past thoughts…I wasn’t trusting HIM with my future!
It’s hard….especially…when there are parts of my past that haven’t followed me into my future. My boys…my mom…my grandparents…friends…. I know it’s hard. I walk into my new home…and the thoughts can overwhelm me that it is another “new” part of my life they will never get to experience or be a part of. It hurts. I’m not gonna lie. I feel robbed of the opportunity to share this part of my life with them…. So I want to go back. I keep…looking….back.
But God says….look at what you have now! Think of how proud they would be of me….think of them smiling at my new accomplishments! Change my thought process…to think…instead of how many days and how many events I’ve lived without them here…at how many events and days I am closer to being with them in eternity! Change your thoughts….it’s all up to me…and you. It’s some of that “power within” I keep trying to tell you about! It’s about making the choice…to trust Him…with my future. To believe in what He has in store for me…that it truly is better than anything I could think or imagine.
There is only one constant in this life….and that is the unfailing love of God…and the sacrifice of His son. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 This is the ONLY place…where looking back or looking forward…won’t look any different. It doesn’t matter what your yesterdays look like..not to God. He already knows. It doesn’t matter what your tomorrow looks like….not to God. He already knows that as well. His love never changes. His mercy never ends. His grace is abundant. Let yourself KNOW that… Let yourself know…and believe…that your tomorrows…are always better than that empty house…ever could be!!! Oh wait…that one was just for me!!! 🙂
So thankful for the new house….the new memories yet to be made…the giggles of teenage girls…the laughter of teenage boys….the planning of graduation parties…weddings…grandkids!! This house might just hold the times Bryan and I are empty-nesters….and we start to enjoy “just us” time again!! I choose to praise HIM for the uncomfortable times we are experiencing….knowing He’s got this. He knows…He cares…His plans are greater!!!
No…I don’t have tons of pictures of the old house while it was empty. That is for my mind’s eye only…and…I don’t have a pic of the new house yet either….it’s A MESS!! So…use your imagination!!
And the next time you’re tempted to stay where it is comfortable….even if it also feels empty…remember this lesson. Remember that the discomfort of change…might just lead you to something better than you could ever imagine! God’s got this!! God….has YOU…dear friend!
Love ya! ~c
My Life as a COMMA! 
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