27 years ago God gave me the gift of a beautiful baby boy! I named him Caleb Harrison!
Today though, my heart hurts….actually physically aches….beyond words!
How do you celebrate the 27th birthday of a man you never knew??? How….do you begin to fathom this child…as a man…when he only lived 8 short years???
This morning I laid and held pictures of him…and just cried….and cried…..and tears just seem to keep coming….all day so far.
Is it okay to still feel this way??? After so long…..??? Can it really hurt this bad…so many years later??
YES!! YES…it is perfectly okay! I will be 90 and still crying on this day and many others! A piece of my heart is missing and I won’t be whole again until I’m with ALL my children for eternity! Grief doesn’t just stop…after so many years. It is a lifelong process. There is no…just getting over it. It never goes away. It always hurts. But days like these…it comes to the surface and is raw…and real…and it just hurts!
So please…for me…..and for my sweet baby’s birthday….
When your child is being a little too annoying….smile and take this moment in…..and remember those of us who wish we could have one more annoying moment with our child!
And when your child comes to you with a silly request…..just do it…. and enjoy it….because there are many of us longing for silly moments with our child again!
When your child wants to play and have some fun….and you have “so much to do”….stop and play with him……and remember those of us who would give anything for one more playdate with our child!
When your child comes out of their bedroom for “one more hug”….take them into your arms….and hold them tight! Relish in the moment….squeeze their little body and tickle them back to bed! As you do this…say a prayer of thanks for this “interuption” in your bedtime ritual….for there are many of us…who are wishing we had our child here with us to break the rules…just one more time!
Today I celebrate this beautiful smile! I thank God for the 8 years I had him with me! I will never forget all you taught me….and will always carry you…tucked safely in my heart! I look forward to our eternity my sweet boy! LOVE you….always and forever my sweet punkin! ~momma
My Life as a COMMA! 
Only just saw your story on Oprah and found this blog. Literally crying my eyes out reading this. You have strengthened my faith in Him through YOUR strength. You are amazing and inspiring. Best wishes from Australia.
Hey Cheli, my name is Hilary Parr- I am the daughter of Christy Parr and Jordyn is my sister. It’s been a long time, not sure if you remember us.
We were just watching home videos and saw the boys in the church programs. My sister still misses them greatly, we all do. So glad to see you turning a tragedy into hope.
Hello Hilary!
Of COURSE I remember you and your family! I was actually just talking about ya’ll last week.
Your mom’s dad is a good friend of my father in law! His name came up and my mind was transported to memories of your family!
I always remember that Jordyn shared a birthday with Cody!
How are you guys? Where are you and your mom and sister now? I am still in south Okc! Haven’t gone too far!
Thanks for reaching out! I love to hear that others still have memories and miss my boys! It just warms my heart!
I hope all is well! Tell your mom and sister hello for me!
Cheli Porter
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I remember the boys and their sweet smiles. Cody, Cory & Caleb have forever & will always be in my heart. So many Mayfield/Brookline memories. Skating in the streets & tag for hours. Incredibly hard to imagine the men they’d be but I know for certain they’d be nothing short of absolute greatness. Happy Birthday Sweet Caleb. Love a friend from long ago. Carla, Keely & Cameron