My Life as a COMMA!

Today is my baby girl’s 10th birthday…or as she likes to say…”She is going DOUBLE DIGITS!!” I took the day off today so that I could take her to lunch and prepare her favorite meal tonight! So I had my alarm set for really early, so I could be up and ready before the whole family….but I decided to reset my alarm……and I’m so glad I did.

Thirty minutes later my birthday girl came and crawled in bed with me. I told her “Happy Birthday” and kissed her as she nuzzled into my arm and wrapped her body around mine. I laid there……and tears streamed down my face as the multitude of thoughts filled my mind.

First, thankfulness for this sweet baby girl. You see, I almost didn’t have her. I almost didn’t allow myself to consider another child. After Bryce was born, I went through two miscarriages. After the second, my doctor said I would have to have surgery, and I remember looking at my husband through sobs and telling him I just couldn’t do this again. I couldn’t put myself through the possibility of losing another child. He was super sweet….and beyond okay with it. He said Bryce would have cousins and we would love him and be thankful for him. So that was it. No more kiddos for me. Then, God gently, and over time worked on my heart. I remember going to my husband, who, by the way, hadn’t pressured me even once to reconsider, and telling him that I was ready to try again……BUT…..I had put some conditions on it.

You see, I didn’t want to have kids at 35. I know, not a big deal…but to me….there was just something about it. My oldest would have graduated when I was 35….and so in my mind that was when I wasn’t supposed to be having babies. So my deal with my husband was….I would try for another baby….BUT … if we weren’t pregnant by a certain date….we were done. That was my sign it wasn’t meant to be. Smiling…my husband agreed.

And this, is when I realized…you don’t bargain with God. He has such a sense of humor. Not only was I pregnant just in time……but He gave me a girl! After 4 boys…. A GIRL……AND to top it off…..she was born just 5 DAYS BEFORE MY 35th BIRTHDAY!!! See…..sense of humor!!

But what a joy she has been! I remember asking for a fourth ultrasound, just to be sure, before I would paint her room! I just couldn’t believe it! I remember begging my doctor to allow me to have her naturally after Bryce came by c-section. I remember scheduling her induction on December 18th……but waking up at 3:30 am on December 17th in full on labor. I got up…walked around…then at six I got in the shower. When Bryan woke to the sound of the shower he asked what I was doing, I calmly informed him I was getting ready since we would be at the hospital soon! My goodness….he started moving quickly!!!!

We called family, and met them at the hospital! My grandmother was so excited because she was going to be there during the delivery. After having 2 children, 4 grandchildren and 4 great-grandkids…….she was finally going to get to do something, that in her 80 years of life she had never been able to do…….witness childbirth! She was asleep during her own and never seen one of the other grandkids…so she, along with my husband, was by my side.

I had to be put into an “overflow” room…because they were so busy. They didn’t even have me put on a gown……because they weren’t sure if they’d even keep me. I told them no worries, I’d be staying. Come on…this wasn’t my first rodeo!!! I knew I was closer than they thought! When they checked me the first time….I was already at a 5 1/2 and things started moving quickly! One of the funniest things that happened that day…..was when my doctor made his entrance.

You see, my grandmother had never met him and hadn’t realized he was an African-American man. When he peeked his head around the corner to tell me they were getting a “real” room for me….she just froze. When he walked away…….she said, “I didn’t know Dr. Huxtable was delivering this baby!”. To which I laughed…and still laugh!

Not long after that….I was ready to go….but this stubborn little girl wasn’t….she was sideways and wasn’t “fitting”. So he told me to not push….after pushing..and to just roll back and forth. So for the next two hours I did just that. I was writhing in pain…while my husband and my Grandmother were talking, and at one point….laughing so hard she peed her pants!!! I’m glad they were having fun. After two hours, the nurse came in and said they were going to go ahead and do an epidural since they might end up doing a c-section. Then, not ten minutes after it was in, the Dr. came in to check….and in one push…..I delivered my sweet baby girl! All 9 pounds 2 ounces of her!!!! Yes, you read that right….my sweet petite little girl……was the largest of all 5 of my kids!!!

And to this day I thank God for her. I thank him for how different she is…for how insightful she is. This past year I got to experience this….. look at the picture and see the joy she had that day and even now…she makes me want to be better! She makes me a better me. She sees things through the sweetest view!

But as I was there holding her this morning, my thoughts went to the parents who were mourning the loss of their morning snuggles with their babies. My thoughts also went to the fact that she is now the age of her second brother when he died. Cory was 10 and in 4th grade when he died.

All of these thoughts made me hold her closer…..tighter. As she breathed in each breath, I thanked Him for life. For the opportunity to be her mom. For the time I have had with her. For the things she has taught me about this life.

I love you sweet sister and am blessed for you to call me mom!