My Life as a COMMA!

It has been a while since I’ve posted….  I’ve been “busy”….very busy!!  It seems as if my husband and I were just “touching base” sometimes…and other times…we were barely even doing that!!!

Well….about two and a half weeks ago my “busy” life….got turned upside down.  I had a training for work about 30 minutes away from home.  I took the kids to school, talked to some of the wonderful ladies in the office and then took to the road to get there in time! While in the car my mind was racing forward to the weekend (this was a Friday morning) and how we were going to accomplish everything that needed to be done.

I reflected on my morning……and remembered telling my husband how tired I was….and how I thought I could sleep through a whole day….IF I could have NO interruptions!  Now….before I go ANY further…..can I just get an AMEN from all the moms and dads out there who TOTALLY get what I’m talking about!  I know I am not the only one who has a busy life…and feel like I’m juggling so many hats and trying to make it all work!!!

Well….back to my morning….  I made it to my destination….with ten minutes to spare before the meeting began.  A friend was in the car in the parking lot right next to me….she motioned me to go on in and pointed to her phone.  I got it….she had some important thing to do and didn’t want me to wait!  I totally got it!  So I took off across the grassy hill in the parking lot.  Well…..

As I went to step off the curb, my left foot wavered in the grass and as my right foot went off the curb….it totally bent in a way it was never meant to bend!  I heard a snap and was down on the ground!  The pain was searing through my body and I started to feel flush immediately!  I looked and nobody was around.  I remember laying back onto the grass and just hollering for someone to help.

I remember others arriving and helping me.  Two of the men carried me inside.  I barely remember from there…all I know is I was surrounded by wonderful people who wanted to take care of me.  One friend called my husband, who was working three hours away……and he was worried!!!  They were able to carry me….after a while…to the back of one of their trucks and take me to the hospital.  I was taken back almost immediately.  By now I had my wits about me again….and knew that I had broken something.  I was NOT happy.  I laid in the bed praying…..I don’t know what.  Just praying.  I couldn’t believe it.  I had never broken anything like this.  A toe…..yes.  But nothing like this.  This couldn’t be happening.

My friend and family appeared and when they came back to tell me the results…..”it looks like it won’t need surgery…but you’ll have to follow-up with an orthopedic to be sure.”  SERIOUSLY??? This can’t be happening! I did not have time for this!  But…I loaded into my dad’s vehicle with crutches and make-shift cast and headed home.

Now….I didn’t learn anything immediately……because my girlfriend stuck around to do a few things for me.  First she helped me eat and take some pain meds.  She kept coming into the room and asking why I wasn’t asleep yet!  She kept telling me I needed to rest!  But instead….I was on my laptop and phone working……setting up appointments and things for that day!  I was working!!!! on pain meds!!!!

Now…when I finally went to the doctor a few days later…he tells me…”There is an ABC scale to this type of break.  You have a B……and most Bs require surgery.  I’m going to have you come back in a week before I make that decision though.  If it doesn’t move any more….no surgery.”  I had a CHANCE!!  No surgery is what I began praying for and what I had everyone praying for as well!!!!

I was good. I stayed off of my foot and used my crutches always!  Then….a few days later…one of my big dogs was spooked and went between me and my crutch!  I was mid-stride.  My “good foot” went straight into a corner and I had to put a half second’s worth of weight on my broken ankle!  Not only was I completely freaked out thinking I had just blown my chances of no surgery…..but I also broke two toes on my “good” foot!  Seriously God??!!!  I get it!  I will be good…..I just had some trouble believing I wasn’t going to have to have surgery.

Well…I went back to the doctor the next week.  I went back for my x-ray and then into my room to wait for the doctor’s decision.  I was laying on the bed waiting and praying.  This time…I started to bargain with God….. “Okay God….if I don’t have to have surgery…I’ll use this down time for you….”  I’ll explain more in a second. Well, the doctor came in and said there had been no new movement and he didn’t think I had to have surgery!  I was elated!  All I could think was….”PRAISE GOD!!”  He said no driving and no weight-bearing on it for the next month…then come back and we will reevaluate!!

I couldn’t believe it!  I literally knew it was all God.  I knew He had done this.  Everyone kept telling me this was His way of slowing me down….and giving me time to do what He had told me to do…but I really didn’t want to see it that way!  But now….I knew.  I knew what I was supposed to do.  It hasn’t been easy….but I am definitely starting to “learn my lesson”!!!

It made me remember what a friend of mine used to tell our youth group. “You better get on your knees before God….because if you don’t, He’ll take a 2 x 4 and KNOCK you to your knees!!”  This is how I feel.  Not that I don’t have a love or a faith for my God.  But it seems like my enemy….if he couldn’t budge my faith or my love……what he could do was make me busy!!  Too busy to do what God was asking.

At the same time of my injury my pastor was starting a series about Soul Detox.  He addressed this very thing!  Not a coincidence at all.  He talked about how we are so overwhelmed….in our souls!!  Our enemy can’t always make us bad…so he makes us busy!  I could see that this is just what was happening to me!

You see…..for the past 15 years….through the most difficult and even joyful events since I’ve lost my boys…..I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m still here.  The night they died….instead of asking God, “Why me?”……I asked him why it WASN’T me that He took!!!  I have been searching….for the reason I am still here.

During this time…He has blessed me with another family…with wonderful friends and a new life that is more grounded in Him than I have ever had.  I have come to realize that sharing my part in His story gives hope to others.  Hope that they too……can have joy and blessings after the storms..  Hope that the rainbow will show up in their lives just as it did in mine!!  Hope that if they know my Jesus….that they have my strength…because it wasn’t me that got through this….it was Him carrying me!

Now…back to that prayer I told you about in the doctor’s office.  What I specifically told God…..was that if I didn’t have to have surgery….I would do what I know He has been telling me to for months now……  to finally write my book.  You see, He has finally given me the peace….the words….and the knowledge that I am supposed to continue this ministry…and a book is my next step.  But I, in all my busyness, just couldn’t seem to find time to carve out of my “busy life” to do what He was asking.  But now…..He has continued to bless me while slowing me down….and given me the quiet time….to write.

So now, I am resting in Him.  I am still.  I can’t tell you the number of tears I have shed during this stillness.  Our pastor asked us to be still and while we were still to not spend time anticipating what was to come…..but instead to reflect on all God has already brought us through.  As I’ve been alone with Him…..the tears have flowed in utter amazement. I feel so unworthy.  I feel so loved.  I feel like I have the King on my side….fighting for me…..blessing me.  I have not had this kind of peace in a long time…..if ever. It’s as if the chains have been broken…..

It has taken me a few weeks to “get here”…but I am here.  I am still….and ready to conquer….”the next chapter”.

I covet your prayers.  I want this to glorify Him and give hope to many.  It will be a difficult task.   But momma said…..if it is worth doing….it will probably be hard!

Let me challenge you to be still…..and listen for Him to tell you what He wants your next chapter to be!  I’d love to hear….and pray for you!

I’m off to write!…..  All my love, ~c