My Life as a COMMA!

Do you consider yourself to be a collector?  I have been.  I kinda still am.  I don’t avidly collect any more.  But I do have certain things I am drawn to.

A long time ago….I used to collect teddy bears. I collected stuffed bears, bear figurines, pictures of bears….just about any kind of bear you can imagine (as long as it was cute) was the kind of bear I wanted to have.  I loved that they were so cute, so cuddly.  To me they represented innocence.  They represented a certain child like quality that I just adored.

I had quite a lot of bears. One particular kind I liked were the Cherished Teddies collection.  I would drool over the masses of them.  When new ones would come out…I would want it so badly.  I had a box full of the empty boxes in my attic because I remembered hearing they would be more valuable if you had the original boxes!  So I guess you could say….along with my teddy bear collection….I had amassed a collection of boxes to go with them!!

But then….I remember in 1995, after the Oklahoma City bombing….watching the public funeral service.  At this service, each family member there….mourning the loss of their loved one, was given a teddy bear.  The bears were light in color and seemed to have a print ribbon around its neck.  They were soft and cuddly…yes.  I guess someone thought it would be something they could hold on to as they grieved the horrific loss of their loved one.

All of a sudden….I realized….that was one type of bear…I NEVER wanted to have in my collection.  For every bear ….represented the life of a lost loved one.

As I watched these families….with broken hearts…clinging to these bears…I knew….I really didn’t want to collect things any more….. because these things…could never truly represent….the lives..of the loved ones lost.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”                                         Romans 6:19-21

The bible tells us not to amass our treasure here on earth.  Don’t let losing a loved one be the wake up call you need to understand that relationships, the love of people, showing the love of our Lord to others……that is what we need to treasure!!!  Those are the “things” we should collect.

The reason I am sharing this today is because….15 years ago today….I laid my children to rest.  We had the funeral and graveside services.

At the funeral….there were displays of some of each of the boys favorite “things”.  Their favorite stuffed animals…..their sports equipment…..their blankies….all STUFF that they couldn’t take with them!

The memory of the bears I never wanted to have in my collection is very close to my heart for a very specific reason…..  Allow me to share a story that happened at the graveside…after the service was over.

You see, one of Cory’s friends…..had stood off to the side waiting for an opportunity to come and speak to me.  There had been a line of family and friends who stayed after the service to come and give me a hug….to offer a prayer or words of encouragement.  After all of them had gone through…this sweet little fourth grader came up to me.  I was sitting in a chair …. and I remember he had a cast on his arm.  He was having a bit of a difficult time because of the cast.  His arms were full and when he approached me he opened his arms so that what he was carrying would fall into my lap.  As I looked down…..to my amazement…..guess what I saw……

3 Teddy Bear Angels!!!!!

He had no way of knowing I had a teddy bear collection…or my feelings about the bears for the families of the bombing victims.  I later found out he had told his mom he wanted to get me something and “he would know what it was when he found it”! She had taken him to Cracker Barrel and he found these bears.  She only had enough money to pay for one….but he insisted on three.  He shared his story with the manager…..who graciously donated the other two bears. He wanted to make sure I had three bears to represent my three boys.

After he gave me these bears he just hugged me.  I held on to him pretty tightly myself.  After our embrace he lingered and I could tell he wanted to say something. I was totally unprepared for what would come out of his mouth and what was weighing so heavily on his heart.

“Miss Cheli….  My mom and dad are getting a divorce……

Is my Daddy gonna kill me too?”

Oh. my. goodness.   I grabbed him and held him and cried tears of sorrow.  I tried to reassure him that both of his parents loved him and that this wouldn’t happen to him.  I cried angry tears because no child should have to worry about that!!!  I cried tears of sorrow…because I honestly didn’t have the assurance behind my words that I would have had just a week before this. I just held him until he seemed to be okay.  I thanked him for the bears and told him he would be okay.  To talk to his mommy and to ask God to help him.  I told him he had a friend who was an angel to watch over him now and he could talk to him when he needed to as well!

As he walked off and I was left there…with three white caskets in front of me…..I realized that our treasure really is in heaven.  As precious as those little teddy angels are…they can never replace….not even close…..the angels who are in heaven now.

So hold your babies…..call your loved ones….let your guard down and allow yourself to be real with the people you love.  We truly aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow with them.  You can have “stuff”….but you can’t take it with you.  When your loved ones are gone….there is no “thing” that can ever replace them.

In case you are wondering….yes…I do still have those teddy angels.  For the past 15 years…they have enjoyed a prominent place on my bed…daily reminders.

Some days….when I see them….. I think of my boys…..  But other days…I am reminded of the love of others….almost strangers….and the simple fact that one small act of kindness….can create a life time memory.  So thank you….for my bears.

Blessings to you all…..and angel hugs today! ~c