Well…here I sit….it is midnight…and now another birthday is here. Another birthday without my sweet Caby baby! On this day…you should be celebrating your 23rd birthday. Instead…I am here with my laptop….crying..and wishing you were here.
Maybe I should have titled this post, “I WISH”. Because at times like this there are so many things I wish…for me…and for you.
I wish……I could have seen just how smart you were. I know how the teachers looked forward to testing you. You had a way with knowing things that you just shouldn’t know….like what direction we were traveling…when you were only 3! You just had this wisdom…about so many things…and you absorbed any knowledge given you like a sponge! I always share when I speak about you …. how the teachers were so excited to see how you would score…but they never had the opportunity to test you…so I tell everyone…YOU WERE BRILLIANT!
I wish…..I could see how you would have handled life as a teenager. You were the sweet boy who wasn’t afraid to try anything you wanted….and just didn’t care what others thought. I’d like to have seen that carry over into your teen years. I can imagine you as kinda geeky…but still an athlete and continuing with music and choir. Your knowledge and drive would have probably been misread by some….but to others…I’m sure you would have continued to be the best friend they had!!!
I wish……I had seen where you would have attended college. What field of study you would have chosen or if it would have been more than one. I know that you would have found something you loved and that you thought would somehow benefit others……and you would have run with it!
I wish….I could see that smile of yours again. No matter what was going on around you….you smiled. You had this way of being so very serious and yet not taking yourself or this world too seriously…all in the same breath! Your smile would just make my day then….as I am sure it would right now.
I wish….I knew…so many things. ….. If you’d be married…..or engaged. If you’d tell me you were so busy that you just didn’t have time for a girl!! 🙂 I wonder if you’d live close..or far away. …. but still need your mom for things like….laundry and meals! 🙂 I wonder where you’d be working…or if you’d continue your education and be in school. I wonder……so much…..
I wish…..
But my wishes can’t come true. My wishes are hopes for a continuation of what I have had….and a merging of that into what I have now. My wishes are for less pain…..fewer tears. For my child to hold…… but you would no longer be a child. You would be a man.
You will always be my baby. Although my imagination can’t hardly imagine you as a man……. my heart will always love you as my child. Although my God gave you to me for such a short time on this earth….. my God has also promised me an eternity in His Kingdom with you there!
Tonight I don’t just wish…for that eternity…..my heart longs for it! I can’t spend all my time on wishing….. I must continue living…. because for some reason…I have life…..left to live. I have family and friends…whom I love very much…that are here in this time…..on this earth…for me to love. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my sweet baby….. it just means I can’t spend the rest of this life wishing for things that I can never have!
Caleb Harrison….you…my sweet….still make me smile. 🙂 You…sweet child….make me want to be a better mom! You…dear son…… nudge me to be oh so serious….but seriously silly….all in the same breath! You…..are one of the reasons I will continue to go on…… yet yearn for the eternity of birthdays we will spend together!
So for now…..I wish you Happy Birthday! That is my wish….that today….your life be celebrated! 8 years on earth…was enough to change so many! You changed me……with your first breath! I love you….forever and always. Through tears…and happy times….I will forever be your mom…. I wish…..no ….I know….. you are here with me… I will be with you…one day….and we will walk, and smile….and wish…no more.
All my love, sweet baby Caby…. ~mommy
My Life as a COMMA! 
writing this through tears. your story is most certainly a GOD STORY. I love ya girl. I respect you so very much and I am in awe of our awesome God because of you. I am so looking forward to following your blog. And I also think you should write a book. You are an inspiration to me. Love ya chick.
What a beautiful tribute and a wonderful reminder to truly treasure every day we have with our babies! Many blessings to you today, as you have richly blessed me!
Happy Birthday in Heaven Caleb. Love you Cheli.
Big hugs today for you Cheli!!! Today is my moms birthday also. I miss her too!
That was great Cheli you and me both i woke up this morning at 1 and couldn’t go back to sleep because i was thinking of him. I miss him so much but I feel that a part of him lives on in me today. So I ask that you remember him through me. I love you so much and I miss all of the boys so much. I can’t wait to get married and have you there to watch the love of my life walk down that isle. I can’t wait to see you Bryan, Bryce and Brianna, hopefully over Christmas break sometime. Till then lots of love and he is with us everyday.
Hi Belle,
I loved your letter. Caleb was a sweet boy. Believe it or not, Price still misses your sweet boy. He called recently to ask where his grave is for him to go say hi. I love you little Sis. Hope all is well. Happy birthday, Caleb.