My Life as a COMMA!

My sweet birthday boy!

I find myself again, sitting in front of my computer with tears and smiles……all just trying to figure out how to put in words all that I am feeling today!

Today is my sweet angel’s 25th birthday!  Cory Matthew came into this world at 4:26 pm weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces….and only 18 3/4 inches long.  His was one of my easiest deliveries….and honestly….there were so many things about him that were just that….”easy”. 

Cory came into this world as a HUGE surprise to me.  You see, after having Cody, I was a nursing mother…..and never considered that I could get pregnant again so quickly after having him.  (I guess when you are 17 when you deliver your first child…there are just some things you don’t know yet!)  So in the spring….when I still hadn’t lost all my “baby weight” I honestly didn’t worry about it. I was tired, yes, but I had a little one to run around and take care of…so I thought that was normal.  I was having some “issues” ….you know, maybe heartburn…..but nothing outrageous.  But then, something out of the normal happened.  I began feeling these little …….flutters in my belly.  No………I didn’t think it could be anything…so kinda….didn’t pay attention.  Then, they increased and I just knew.  So, I went and bought a pregnancy test.  Even though I already KNEW what it would say!  And of course I was right…..we were going to have another bundle of joy!!

The best part was going to a new doctor with this pregnancy.  The part on the sheet where you fill out the date of your last period…..Now mind you…this is spring…almost summer of 1986…..and I put August of 1984!!!  I remember the nurse asking if I had mistakenly put the wrong date!  No…it is true…….  I just had a pregnancy and child in between all of that time!  So yes….Got pregnant the FIRST time I ovulated again!!!  Yes people…it happens!

So on September 2, 1986 my sweet baby Cory came into my life.  He was an easy child from the beginning.  He slept and ate and was quiet….  But the one thing I noticed about him very early….is how ANIMATED he was!  Cory was always smiling and singing and his faces…..oh his faces….were so stinkin cute!!  He had this way of tilting his head and making this little grin…that just got to me EVERY time!  Made it very hard to ever get on to him.

See what I mean...? Way too cute!

He was pretty much good at everything!  Sports, school, people, relationships….you name it…he was a natural.  But one thing he truly loved…..was performing!  And he was GOOD!  and had no fear.  After 3rd grade……they were auditioning for a performance that would be done at the Lloyd Noble Center in front of about 2000 people….and he tried out…AND MADE IT!  He was one of a handful that would be on the stage after camp and had a speaking and singing and dancing part!!!  He ate it up!!  He loved being on that stage.

One of my favorite memories and what made me laugh the hardest….is when they were looking for a new kid to be in the Home Alone movies.  Cory said to me, “Mom, if you’ll just get me to the audition…..I know it will be me!  I AM the next Home Alone kid!”.  You know….he believed he could do whatever he put his mind to!

I also remember going to a parent/teacher conference for him one time.  I wasn’t worried….never was.  But at this particular meeting his teacher told me she wished that I could sit behind a one way glass and just watch him.  She told me the way he was with other kids was just the most compassionate thing she had ever seen.  She told me of one time….when they were doing a paper.  She saw him get right to work and she could tell he had grasped all of the new concepts she had just taught.  But she said what he did next…she just sat and watched.  She said he noticed his neighbor having a very difficult time with his paper.  She said she watched Cory put his pencil down…..look at her….and then get up and go to this neighbor’s desk.  She said he very confidently….but not condescendingly…..began to explain the concepts…in a different way…so that his friend could better understand.  He did not share answers…but instead showed caring and shared knowledge.  He did this quietly…..and then sat back down in his chair…picked up his pencil…and finished his own paper. That was my baby. 

That was my boy.  Always thinking of others.  Reaching out.   Sharing love…..and JOY!  His favorite singing group was Point of Grace.  He knew EVERY SINGLE WORD…to every single song!  At night…when we did our family devotional…I would let each of the boys choose something…prayers…scripture…..and I knew my Cory….every time he would choose to listen to a praise song by POG….so we did!  He would sing and praise God in a way that I just loved to watch and be a part of.  I feel such joy in remembering those times…..

Last night I was blessed to hear John Maxwell speak.  Although he said many wonderful things…there is one that stuck with me…because it is a fundamental belief that I share passionately.  He said “We can’t always choose what happens TO us…..but we can choose what happens IN us.” 

How true this is.  I did not choose to spend the last 15 of Cory’s birthdays without him here with me.  I did not choose to have his life end so short…..

What I do choose is to remember the wonderful spirit of my sweet Cory….and his smile…and the way he tilted his head and always made me smile when I saw his smile!  I choose to remember the times when he was in fourth grade that he would sneak out of the room he shared with his younger brother to come and have his momma rock him to sleep and then the struggle I would have trying to carry him to bed!  I choose to remember the times he would sneak into my bed and very gently extend his leg over to my side so that his foot was touching my leg.  I remember him telling me that as long as he could be that close to me, just touch me…he felt safe…and happy.

Oh how I miss that touch….that smile…that boy!!  But inside of me lies the memories…..that can make me smile.  Inside of me….he still holds a part of my heart that will ALWAYS have his name on it…and no one else’s!

So here is to a quarter of a century.  My sweet little man….  I know from the character you had at ten…..the man you would have been today would have made my heart proud.  I smile when I think of you…..  I love the way you loved while you were here on this earth.  I know that your performances with the angels are fantastic! 

Until I see you on heaven’s stage……..all my love!

~momma