My Life as a COMMA!

This evening I spent some time on the phone with an old friend.  A little over two weeks ago she tragically and suddenly lost her husband.  He was the love of her life.  She is still going through the deepest of the grief process.  We have had talks about how this part of life sucks.  Pardon my speech….but it does.

Well……….. I have found that after going through all I have gone through I have become a magnet for others to share their own story.  What I have realized is….that we ALL have a story.  I have had so many try to compare their story to mine…they say things like, “I know mine isn’t as big as yours…”  Well, to that I say this.  YOURS is as big as mine. To you, no matter what it is, yours is big.  And the most awesome thing about it is that it is just as big to God as it is to you!  There is so much difficulty in life.  It seems like it is a part of everyone’s life, but nobody really talks about it….

Why is that???  Just the other day my girlfriend and I were talking.  We decided we had pretty good grounds for a lawsuit that could make us millions….or more! 😉

We were going to file a lawsuit against Mattel and Disney… 

Mattel…because Barbie and her life are pretty unrealistic!  Think about it….she always looked good…no matter what she wore.  She had the “Dream House” and a corvette!  She lived a life of luxury.  Not ANYTHING like real life!

and Disney…..because there is always a princess and a prince that whisked her away to a happy ending! 

Where is THAT?? 

We joke…but do we really?  We expect a happy, perfect and easy life.  When troubles hit…it throws us for a loop!  We don’t seem to understand that difficulty is talked about in the bible.  It wouldn’t say to be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble in the book of James if there weren’t going to be troubles in this life!  Yet we go on about our lives never expecting something to happen to us!  We even go so far as trying to shield our kids from difficult times or situations.  Why?  That is a part of life!  A difficult part…..but still a very real part!

Okay…so this brings me back to the subject of death.  Unfortunately, as I’ve said before, death is a part of life.  We can’t all be born and die on the same date.  It just doesn’t work that way.  And we know that all of us will some day do just that…..we will die.  We don’t know when or how…but we do know that we will.  I don’t mean to be sad or morbid or anything like that.  I am just trying to be real. 

Well, in our discussion tonight my friend tells me that she is keeping a journal titled…..The Business of Death.  This definitely piqued my curiosity and I just had to know more.  She said that throughout this process….there are things that no one tells you.  Business-like things that we have to go through when someone dies.  Since we have both done this before….we chuckled at some of it.

First, no one tells you that you need … like….20 death certificates.  Nope.  One will not do.  You actually have to prove to MANY people and entities that your loved one is, in fact, deceased.

Second, when you go to the DPS to get a copy of the accident report for the Accidental Death policy……that there is a charge for this of over $50.  AND…that it has to be paid with check or money order because they don’t accept cash or credit.

Third, that you would have to endure hugs and people telling you how strong you are just for continuing to live.  I only say this because we would rather wear a sign that says, “I am fine and really don’t want you to feel sorry for me.  I just want to be treated normal…although I don’t know what that is now!”.

Really, we just talked a lot about pain.  We talked about how death being part of life just sucks.  It just does.  Sometimes we have time to prepare for it and other times it steals our breath from us because it comes so suddenly.  It hurts….no matter which way you experience it.  I have experienced both…and YUP……it hurts no matter which way it is delivered into your path.

What I do know is that if you are experiencing the grief of death……then you are still here.  And even though you may not realize it or want to know it….you are here for a reason.  One of the things I told myself is that I would continue to live the rest of my life trying to figure out what the reason might be for me still being here.  I also decided that even if I never knew or found out what that specific reason might be….I’ll be okay living and trying to be my best.

Then, I realized…..even hoped….that by the end of my life…..when I enter into the Kingdom of God……  it really won’t matter.  You see…..I am looking for specifics…..very detailed events or reasons…..  All God wants is me.  Me in totality.  Me in my best effort to not just serve Him….but to become a slave to His love and His ways.   And when I enter His courts….all that will matter is not…….why did you leave me here?????  What will matter is that I am with Him…….and He first loved me!

If you are grieving or going through a difficult time….please know that God is there for you.  Know that He is quite big enough for you to be angry with Him and shake your fist at Him.  He is also big enough for you to question if He is really even there at all.  He is there.  There are tiny pieces of silver lining all around you….even when you feel it is too dark to see. 

Even when clouds….dark and nasty looking clouds appear to be all that you can see…..He is above them.   Tonight as we watched storms roll in… the blackest clouds parted so that we could see some blue sky.  To one side we saw blue but on the other we saw very white clouds with beautiful rays of sunshine on them.  If our focus is the darkness and the clouds, then of course it looks as if He is no longer there with us.  In reality, He is there all along……it just takes some time for the clouds to clear to allow our view of Him to become brighter again!

Feel free to comment and let me know how to pray for you.  You have blessed my life…..I’d love to pray for yours!

~cheli