My Life as a COMMA!

This is going to be a difficult post.  It is a difficult subject.  Please know that I am speaking from my heart…and through my faith.  You are welcome to disagree.  I encourage you to comment….but please be kind.  ~c

There have been so many hurting…so many tragedies around me lately.  I spent a lot of time on my swing outside last night…just laying there listening to the waterfall of my pond and talking with God.  Many tears fell during that conversation…and for some time…I just had to be still…because there were no words.  This morning I awoke to get ready for work….and my mind turned immediately to those who I know are hurting.  I began to pray.  That, for now, is all I can do.

In my bathroom as I was preparing for the day…I looked up and saw a plaque I have that hangs on the wall next to where I get ready every morning.  It says, “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!”  It is attributed as a quote of Mother Teresa.  I have had that in the same spot for over nine years.  I remember feeling that very feeling.  I had just had my second miscarriage.  You see, between Bryce and Breanna…..I had two miscarriages.  After the second miscarriage and the surgery I underwent…I remember telling Bryan that I couldn’t do this any more.  I couldn’t try for another child.  I couldn’t allow myself the possible hurt of losing another child.  I couldn’t imagine the thought of more pain…I thought….it was more than I could comprehend.  Well, I guess you all know how that turned out…..a while after that…God softened my heart…and with His strength..I tried again.  This time…my beautiful daughter was born.  It was only in His strength that I was able to move past my fear of pain and into the possibility of being hurt again or experiencing joy again.

Never will I leave you or forsake you….. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  from Deuteronomy 31:8

Someone posted this morning on facebook that the saying that is on my plaque isn’t necessarily true…..that God gives us more than we can handle to see if we will trust Him with the parts we can’t handle.  Made me really start thinking.  I remember seeing the plaque in a magazine shortly after my miscarriage and thinking I soooo needed that because that is EXACTLY how I felt.  But I also remember, several years later looking at that plaque and thinking I don’t know if I agree.  You see….there are several places in the bible that tell us to rejoice in our sufferings.  You see…many people seem to think that this life is supposed to be all peaches and cream….easy….and free from burdens.  But that isn’t what scripture says.  Scripture tells me in Romans 5:3 & 4, “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  and in James 1:2 & 3, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”  So honestly, how can we NOT expect to have trials and tragedies in our lives?  The question here is….do you try to conquer those trials in your own strength and understanding???? or do you allow God to walk  you through them?  …. searching for the message, or the “silver lining” in whatever situation it may be???

Here are my thoughts…..  I believe that first…..it isn’t always God that gives these trials to us.  I believe that what God did give us is free will.  The will to make our own choices and not be forced to love Him, trust Him and obey Him.  Proverbs 19:3 says, “A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord.”  In other words, we choose our destiny and then get angry at God when it isn’t what we expected.  I know some will argue that we can’t choose everything that happens to us.  I agree.  Look at my story.  I didn’t choose what happened.  Never in a million years would I make that choice.  My entire life is now a consequence of someone else’s actions.  BUT……what we can choose is how we react.  Our reaction to our own or other’s choices is our own.  No one can make it but us.  No one can tell me that I HAVE to stay sad or angry or upset or whatever it may be.  No one can make me choose to go on.  Those are all choices I must make for myself.  No one can make me choose to continue to move forward…to seek God….to allow myself to heal….to look for something positive in every situation.   That is where faith steps in.  I looked at that plaque one day and realized that I should be thankful He gives me so much.  Because to me…that means He has faith in ME….faith that I will walk through each valley with HIM!!

Now….the question of does He give us too much…or even does He allow too much…. 

Never will I leave you or forsake you…… Those are words from God.  He doesn’t lie.  He doesn’t change.  So why would I ever doubt this is true?  Because I am human, that is why.  The question about the tragedy of suicide often comes into play when discussions about this topic arise.  My thoughts are……  No, God doesn’t give us more than we can handle ………. WITHOUT HIM!  That is the part most people don’t get.  Most people don’t do all of their lives with GOD.  Often, we look at situations through our emotions, our own hearts…our past situations and wounds….and we react.  We react in our own weakness.  Not feeling strong enough to go through the difficult valleys. 

You’ve heard people say…”I only took my eyes off the road for a second.”  or “I just looked away for a split second.” and in that split second…anything can happen.  Your car can cross the center line…..another vehicle can hit you….a toddler can fall into a pool….you can make a wrong choice.  Well, to me it is no different in most situations…including suicide.  For even a split second….if we take our eyes off of God…. if we stop seeing things through His eyes and using His strength and only rely on our own…then …that is when we react…we make wrong choices.  Many people say that suicide is selfish.  I have thought that at times myself.  But now…I see it through God’s eyes.  I see that a person cannot see how…in their own strength…they can ever move past the situation they are in.  The act of suicide in this instance, to me, is not selfishness….it is sheer desperation.  It is the feeling of hopelessness….that they can’t see past.  It is that split second…that they have taken their eyes off of HIM….who can save them….and only been able to see hopelessness…..in their own strength.  You can’t blame someone for being human…for not feeling strong enough.  Never should we judge someone else’s fear or doubt….because it happens to all of us.

So…I believe that God doesn’t EVER give us more than we can handle.  He doesn’t mess up.  We do though.  But the cool thing is His word tells us that He can take all of our mess ups and turn them for good!  I choose to share what happened to me now….not to boast in my own strength…but to show others that with HIS strength.  THAT…is hope.  THAT is Him turning something so tragic…into good.  Me, choosing to get up….everyday and do life over again…to remarry…to have more kids…..to just go forward…..somehow offers hope to others.  But it wasn’t me.  It was Him.  All that I did….was make the choice…..the choice to trust Him.  To trust that He would use it for good.  To hope that one day I would experience joy and blessings again.  And look at all I would have missed out on had I chosen to take my eyes off of Him…and try to do it in my own strength!

If your life seems difficult…lean into His strength.  If you don’t know how…ask someone for help.  Every situation…and I mean EVERY situation … is like a double-edged sword.  YOU CHOOSE which side of the sword you will fall on. 

I choose to trust Him.  To know that this world is temporary.  To understand that my eternity will have no more pain, no more sorrow, no more death, no more tragedy.  I look forward to those days…..and that….helps me make the choices I make today.

Be blessed today.  Feel blessed always.  Every day is a new day….new possibilities await you…..and everything in the past is in the past.  Keep moving forward.  You never know who you might help…just by getting up..out of bed …. and moving forward!

Much love ~c