A lot has happened since my last post. I can’t believe it has been almost two months since I shared a blog!!
December is a wonderful and yet difficult month for me! I am blessed to have a birthday, my daughter, sister and cousins also have birthdays during this month! It is also a beatiful time celebrating the birth of our Lord.
For me it is also a difficult time. 1.) My mother LOVED Christmas! And she decorated the WHOLE house! And I do too, for the most part. This time it just was very difficult. I am not sure why. Never could pin it down. But I had totes sitting out in my living room for almost a week before I pulled myself together and decorated. It was all good…..but many totes still had decorations in them. My to-do list for this year is to decide what to keep and what to give away so this doesn’t keep happening! 2.) My birthday……I honestly don’t care about my age…really! This year I just missed my mom. Again, can’t explain what the triggers were…but I just missed having her around. 3.) This is the month that started some really difficult times in my first marriage. enough said.
So….new year. I can tell that God has been speaking to my spirit and asking more of me. I have been doing a lot of reading of scripture and some awesome books that are shaping me and speaking to me. I am also trying to remain very open to what He is saying to me. I want to hear His voice…not anyone else’s…including my own. My voice often tells me that even though I have come through so much….there are still some things that are too hard… Or my voice says things like…. how can you consider counseling others when your own heart still has so much difficulties???? You aren’t good enough. But I have had the voice of Christ screaming at me that what I have done….what I still do to mess things up…doesn’t matter. What matters is my heart. What matters is my heart knowing HE is enough. HE is the one who will speak through me. HE is the one who has already carried me through so much and will continue to carry me. Also….my heart wanting more…wanting to know Him, to serve Him and to be more like Him. These are the things that matter. I am truly starting to believe it. I am beginning to believe that I was put here for more than the existance I have been living out. I have a story to tell and if it will help others and it is what He is asking me to do……then I will share it. No matter what. That for me….is all in.
My pastor this past weekend shared a fired up sermon about being all in! About holding nothing back from God and giving Him our everything. That is truly what I want. Does it scare me at all????? YOU BET your sweet patooty it does!!!! But it also gives me hope. Hope that there is more than the mere existance of just being on this earth to work…raise a family…watch some TV…..go on a few vacations… No…there is more. There is an opportunity to CHANGE other peoples lives. To welcome and introduce people into the KINGDOM of GOD!! WOW! To make a difference in someone’s life. To show them hope through Him. To show them purpose. To show them love.
To live on purpose. That is what I want. I don’t want to see things just come and go. I want a plan and a purpose. A vision for my life! I know God has had this in mind all along! “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ,….he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11 (the Message) Honestly, I would hate to miss it. To miss what His plans have been for me all along.
Slowly but surely I am beginning to understand. There has been an awful lot of loss around me lately. Just yesterday I saw a good friend bury the love of her life. Then I received a note to pray for someone who had lost their son on Christmas. If I can touch these people…through prayer….or even my story….then that is what I am supposed to do. Going through all that I have been through will definitely mean so much more if I can use it to glorify the Kingdom of God. If I can share and bring hope to one…then that is what I shall do.
Please pray for me as I embark upon this mission. It has been there all along…but I want to do this more on purpose. What that looks like is still being revealed to me….but I am more excited now than I have ever been. Excited to be a vessel…to be used to pour out a message of hope….forgiveness and of love.
My prayer for each of you is that He will stir within you a desire to be all in! He will show you the vision for your life and that you will be as excited about it I as I am for mine!
Blessings ! ~c
My Life as a COMMA! 
I have seen you live your life while going through your own personal hell, with GOD walking beside you. I have heard you tell your story to a group of people and even watched you on a dvd tell another group of your time of sorrow. you know how to give with all of your heart when you tell your story so others can understand how GOD can help a person through life’s troubles!!
BUT a comment you made during the dvd at the end when you took questions, had so much meaning to me and i pray that you use it more during your mission that you being lead to live.
That is you have to work on stopping all the negative thoughts that want to replay over and over again in your head.
I believe that GOD wants us to find the JOY in life and the Devil wants us to dwell in all of the negative and we have to work on stopping those thoughts from staying in our mind. so whether a persons troubles are small compared to others, those negative thoughts can take on unbelievable power. with GOD’s help and prayer everyone can work on this part of their troubles.
Hope this feedback is taken with the Love that I am sending it.