My Life as a COMMA!

Today has been an interesting day.  Today is the first day after we set our clocks back!  An extra hour of sleep!  HOW GLORIOUS! 

But today is filled with a huge memory….one I can never erase…or would ever want to.

You see…..the last time we set our clocks back and my boys were still here on this earth with me…the funniest thing happened.  My now, best friend Jennifer was staying with me and sleeping on the couch.  She said that my sweet Caleb was the first one up that morning.  He walked into the entry way of our house.  Caby didn’t know that she was awake and watching him.  He proceeded to do his morning exercises and stretches.  I think it was the swish of his pants that alerted Jen to his arrival (Hey…it was in the 90s and wind pants were in!)  And then, she tells me, that after he was finished with his exercises……he looked out the little window by the front door.  It was then that he said, “Spring forward, faaaaaaallllllllll back!”.  And with the fall back……he did just that!  He fell backwards onto the floor!  I can still imagine him doing it.  Even though I was not the one who saw it…I can see it in my mind. 

Not one year has gone by that when we set our clocks back I think of him doing that!  Falling back…..literally onto the floor.  How sweet and how innocent.  How literal children are. 

This is where the confessions come in.  I have a story to share about Breanna. 

The other night after work I met my family for dinner.  We enjoyed a nice evening out.  My parents had brought my husband and kids and I met them at the restaurant.  After dinner, my family rode home with me.  My son was having some very engaging conversation on the way home.  ( I will share this at another time…..cuss words and 11 year olds!!  JEESH!)  So during this conversation…it didn’t seem very odd to me that my sweet, little girl was very quiet.  I did hear her make a few noises…like the nose sound…you know…the one when you are stopped up and don’t blow your nose…??  That is it…and she has some allergies so I didn’t think much of it.  Well, on this twenty minute drive home…I hadn’t given much thought to her being so quiet until we walked in and my son asked, “Sissy, are you ok?”.  It was then that I noticed her and she seemed to have been, maybe crying.  I asked her if she had been crying or if she was just kind of stopped up.  To my amazement…she had been crying.  I tried to recall our conversation and if there was any part of it that would have made her so upset…..and couldn’t remember anything.  So I asked her to sit with me and explain why she had been crying.  This is what she told me……..

“Well…mom….you see….I was praying to God.. and in my prayer I decided to ask God if He loved me, really loved me….for Him to show me His light.”  She paused….and I waited.  “And then when you turned the corner…I looked up and I saw four stars.”  At this point she burst into tears and she just held me.  When she calmed down she continued.  “When I saw those stars…it reminded me of my brothers, Cody, Cory and Caleb.  And mommy, I knew that the fourth star was God.  After you drove for a bit….I couldn’t see the three stars any more, but the one star I could see the whole way home.”  By now, I was in tears as well.  I asked her, “Well, baby girl, how do you feel about that?”.  She told me that at first it made her sad but that now it was making her happy.  She said that she knew that God had answered her prayer.  I said, “Well, you do know that God loves you?”.   To which she replied, “I know that mom!”. (she could’ve just said DUH! the way she said it!)  It was a sad/happy and absolutely beautiful moment.  I am so proud of her. 

Then this morning, I was trying to get her ready for church.  We slept in and were taking it kinda easy and she had a lot to do still.  She jumped in the shower and I knew she needed to get out.  She kept stalling…and kept stalling.  Finally, mom had had enough!  Time to get out!  I made her get out and get busy.  She stood there…in her towel with tears coming down her face. When I told her we needed to get busy so we could make it to church and she needed to stop playing so that we could get ready……….she put me in my place.

“Mommy, I was just trying to pray.  I wasn’t playing.  Remember when we used to take showers together and we would sit in there for a long time and just pray and talk?  Well, that is when I like to talk to God…in the shower.  And that is all I was trying to do was pray!”  More tears.  I had to stop myself.  In my rush…..I had forced her to stop doing the very thing I want her to do more than anything……..pray.  In my going on about “normal” business…..I had missed the moment when she was testing God and He was showing off to her! 

My confession is this……..  It seems as if what I am trying to teach my daughter…to have a personal relationship with God….not just “go to church” or “be a part of religeon”. I want her to know Him as Father, Counselor, Friend, Healer, Savior, Lord and every single part of Him there is.  But….I am so busy living the life of this world…#1….I am not always modeling that in my own life.  #2…. I am missing her doing just that!   #3…..I am telling her to do one thing and then when she is doing what I ask…I get onto her because the world says………we have to do things differently. 

I want to find the balance.  I want to teach my children how to have it…I want it…and I want to figure out how to live in this world while we have it.  My eternal life can begin now.  It is not just after I die…..it is here on this earth.  He wants so much for me!  My God wants so much for all of us!  We can have it!  There is a balance.  And believe it or not…..we are the ones that have to find it. There is no miracle math…no miracle formula to say if you do this much God will do that much and you will always be happy!  Nope…life doesn’t work that way. 

My plaque on my desk says this……..

DEAR GOD,        Help me remember there is nothing today YOU can’t handle, and there is NOTHING today I can handle without YOU.

If there is any magic formula….this has to be it.  Don’t do it on your own.  I have tried…….and failed miserably.  I keep trying….I am kind of a control freak. But the times I give it over to Him………it just goes much smoother. 

My prayer is this…….I always walk with Him……and that my children learn to do the same.  I guess my baby girl is teaching mommy this week!  Much love! ~c