My Life as a COMMA!

Have you ever had one of those days….?  One that….is going really well and then something kind of knocks you off-center and you have a hard time getting back to your normal?  Well, I had one of those today.

Today was my day off!  Praise God for days off!!  Anyway…my girlfriend and I hadn’t got to spend a lot of time together lately so we decided to get a pedicure!  We sat and had several laughs and lots of fun!  Then…when we were done we decided to “do lunch”!  Her reasoning was simple…….I should not go to the grocery store hungry!  Of course I agreed….and we were off!

We went to a great new place and sat down.  I had actually had lunch there yesterday….but love it so much I didn’t mind!  I had told the lady that works at the counter that I knew I had recognized her from somewhere….but hadn’t been able to place her.  You know…how you see some one and you KNOW you know them but they don’t say anything and so you just aren’t sure.  Plus…I couldn’t figure out which “compartment” of my life I knew her from!  You know….theres the old high school friends…friends from old job…friends from old church….friends from other life!  Well, you get the picture!

Anyway…..before I spoke at the Rubies and Pearls event….I had gotten into this old trunk I have in my room.  I don’t open it often….and NEVER when my kids are around.  This trunk holds every card…every picture drawn….every everything from when the boys died.  I pulled several out to look at.  I hadn’t been in there for a while…but just needed to get them out!  My girlfriend came over that night.  She had never seen this “trunk” and so I showed her some of the things the sweet kids had written.  Most were pictures and some were serious.  I found one very serious one….it was titled…

A Tribute to Cody Fox

The sun has stopped shining. The wind has stopped blowing.  The birds have stopped singing.  All motion has stopped, even time, for one of my friends, Cody is dead.

Wow…such deep thoughts for a 6th grader.   We both looked at these and then tucked them away to be seen and read another day.

Well……..what does this have to do with my lunch?  Yes….I am getting there.  Yesterday when I walked into this place it hit me.  She was this boy’s mother!  I told her my realization and she just smiled and said she remembered his paper.  But then today…we chatted a little more and there was just more recognition in our conversation.

Well….my girlfriend and I sat down….as I said….and I glanced to my left.  I thought that I recognized the man sitting next to us.  Then I looked at the other man.  He was younger…but a man.  And I realized….it was him.  It was the boy who had written this poem.  It was the boy…..now a man….that I had just told my friend about.  I said to her, “Look over there.  That is the “boy” that wrote the poem I showed you not long ago!”    “NO! Really??”, was her reply.  She kept looking at him.  She asked me if I was going to go over to him or say something and I told her no….not yet.  We continued with lunch..and laughed…but I kept noticing her looking at him…..as was I.  I was stealing glances.  Stealing glances at what could be my now…but can never be.

After I was finished eating his mother came over and asked me if I remembered him and introduced me to him.  I could see it in his face.  He told me he was doing well.  That …. he is married with a daughter and another child on the way.  He asked how I was….how….was I doing.  I told him I had remarried and have two beautiful children now.  He was glad.  His face softened and it was as if he just wanted to hug me and say he was sorry.  It was as if for a brief moment the thirteen and a half years that have passed were not there and we were back in the moments of just losing the boys.  Of him losing his friend.  He kept smiling and nodding his head.  He said he hoped to see me again.  I hope to see him as well.

I left.  Realizing that my world today is so different.  My friend never knew my boys.  Even though we have talked extensively about them…the realization that this man……was my son’s friend…and I could have 3 grown men…as my sons.  AND be a GRAMMA!!!  It is hard to face sometimes.  It kinda took the  breath outta me for a while.  I came home and just sat and cried for a bit.

But then, this life kicked back into gear……grocery store, homework….and another football game!  I am proud to say…… we won!  And the injury is much better….both the physical and the emotional one. 😉

So I was able to find the balance of the here and now.  I was able to glance into what I might be today…but still able to enjoy who I am and what I have now.  Thank you God for both!

Tonight my heart is heavy for 2 families that have lost loved ones in the last few hours.  Please be in prayer for these families.  Pray for peace in this difficult time.

Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentleness be known to all men.  The Lord is at hand.  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God’ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4:4-7

Thank you for your encouragement of me…… I hope to share more with you…to open my trunk…..and merge some of my past with my now…  allowing you to see  how God is shaping and molding constantly…………..